The Explosive Child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you give more details OP?

Overreaction, blaming, yelling, sassiness (understatement), physically hurting others in the household by kicking, hitting, throwing things. [Please spare criticism. I am here for productive solutions by people who have BTDT. Enough derailing has happened already, for a rather sensitive topic, that should be treated seriously. Thanks, OP here.]

[Anonymous]

First, how old and have you ever had any kind of assessment done? Kids can be explosive for many reasons many of which can be identified through a neuropsych evaluation.

You need to know what you're dealing with and why it's happening. Recommendations for a 6 year old are probably going to look different for a 12 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, how old and have you ever had any kind of assessment done? Kids can be explosive for many reasons many of which can be identified through a neuropsych evaluation.

You need to know what you're dealing with and why it's happening. Recommendations for a 6 year old are probably going to look different for a 12 year old.

Age 10, when DC does not get their way. Where do I start? Thank you, OP here.

I am concerned because meds have been mentioned, and I would rather not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give more details OP?

Overreaction, blaming, yelling, sassiness (understatement), physically hurting others in the household by kicking, hitting, throwing things. [Please spare criticism. I am here for productive solutions by people who have BTDT. Enough derailing has happened already, for a rather sensitive topic, that should be treated seriously. Thanks, OP here.]

I've posted earlier. Mine is the one with the anxious/depressed teen, who saw a psychologist.

All of these things were happening with the addition of threatening to self harm.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have your child evaluated by a professional. That is where we learned strategies. We were advised to call the police when the physical violence happened. That was suggested by the psychologist with ds sitting right there. After she told us that, she looked ds and said "Did you hear what I just told them to do? The next time you start trying to hurt someone, including yourself, the police will be called."

How old is your child? Ours was 11 when this started.

You need the help of someone who can walk you through this. I don't think the strategies would have gotten us far without ds in counseling and knowing what was going on.

[Anonymous]

18:09 here again.

Has there been any major changes in life? Divorce, remarriage, change schools, death in the family, new sibling?

OP, to start with you and dh (if applicable) need to sit down and decide on consequences. Then you explain those consequences to your 10 year old.

Throwing, kicking, hitting etc. require a bigger consequence than yelling. If they need to hit, they can beat the crap out of their pillow.

Do you have any ideas for what might work for consequences? DS had to clean up any mess he made and work off the cost of any damage he did. (We replaced an inside door because he stabbed it with a knife. You will get no judgement from me on the things your child does.)

I know mine really didn't "get" the concept. Still doesn't sometimes.

Above all right now, while you wait for an appointment, remain calm. When dc is in full blown explosion is when you need to be calm, calm, calm. Or at least appear that way.

You've been on my mind. Those days were so scary. I don't know what I would have done without outside help.

[Anonymous]

18:09 here. Your doctor should be a good place to start for referrals.

I agree with being leary of meds at this age. We chose not to medicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, how old and have you ever had any kind of assessment done? Kids can be explosive for many reasons many of which can be identified through a neuropsych evaluation.

You need to know what you're dealing with and why it's happening. Recommendations for a 6 year old are probably going to look different for a 12 year old.

Age 10, when DC does not get their way. Where do I start? Thank you, OP here.

I am concerned because meds have been mentioned, and I would rather not.

You are right to be concerned about resorting to meds at age ten.

His brain is still developing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is an "explosive" child?

OK. I looked at a brief description. A number of years ago we were told our son was "spiritied." Sounds like explosive fits into the same idea.

Here's what we discovered through the help of professionals. He actually deals with an anxiety disorder and depression.

Your son needs to be evaluated by a psychologist, and then you go from there.

+1000 Your child needs an evaluation. It sounds like ADHD and if left untreated, can lead to more serious issues. Untreated ADHD can lead to drugs, jail, etc.

Your child is 10 and needs to see a professional. You are way beyond reading books and asking anon posters about dealing with behavioral issues.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, helpful OPs - I *really* appreciate your input. Stay with me, if you can, here.

Suggestions for a proper eval professional? NVA.

We have an outstanding family psychologist, and psychiatrist, but I am afraid of the meds.....

Maybe I can work with what I have.

Right now, DC takes professional help as a huge blow, as a threat that they are "bad", so it is extremely difficult to get DC on board. DH coddles her a bit, I am wondering if he is too lenient, and she knows there are no consequences. She pushes more with him than me. He's all about "tell me how you feel", until she runs out of steam. I think we need a new approach. She hates me. I know this will only get worse, and it is our job to stop it. I don't want to do a huge disservice to her by not helping her (and us). Some days she terrorizes the family with her screaming and throwing stuff (no knives, yet, PP - but I truly appreciate you sharing and opening my eyes there. No judgment. You are very strong.)

Thank you PPs and anyone who has been through this. I am glad I had the post changed to this board. I am relieved to find helpful people.

[Anonymous]

Since you already have "an outstanding family psychologist and psychiatrist", what is the diagnosis? Didn't these people evaluate her?

She is terrorizing the family and screaming and throwing stuff and you are afraid of meds? OP, your posts don't make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you already have "an outstanding family psychologist and psychiatrist", what is the diagnosis? Didn't these people evaluate her?

She is terrorizing the family and screaming and throwing stuff and you are afraid of meds? OP, your posts don't make sense.

Why not start with firm and consistent boundaries before jumping in bed with Big Pharma?

I think the parents need some firm counseling too.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Don't fear medication. They may be necessary. But I can understand anyone's reluctance to start. We didn't until DC was on the verge of being counseled out even though we were doing other therapy etc. It sounds like your child is in real crisis.

You and your spouse also need counseling and be on the same page and approach to how you parent. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Don't fear medication. They may be necessary. But I can understand anyone's reluctance to start. We didn't until DC was on the verge of being counseled out even though we were doing other therapy etc. It sounds like your child is in real crisis.

You and your spouse also need counseling and be on the same page and approach to how you parent. GL.

Sounds to me like child's father is a big part of the problem. Why not start there??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Don't fear medication. They may be necessary. But I can understand anyone's reluctance to start. We didn't until DC was on the verge of being counseled out even though we were doing other therapy etc. It sounds like your child is in real crisis.

You and your spouse also need counseling and be on the same page and approach to how you parent. GL.

Sounds to me like child's father is a big part of the problem. Why not start there??

When you point a finger there are three pointing back on you. It's better to start with both parents for family therapy. It will be more effective and better for the kid in the short term and long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Don't fear medication. They may be necessary. But I can understand anyone's reluctance to start. We didn't until DC was on the verge of being counseled out even though we were doing other therapy etc. It sounds like your child is in real crisis.

You and your spouse also need counseling and be on the same page and approach to how you parent. GL.

Sounds to me like child's father is a big part of the problem. Why not start there??

When you point a finger there are three pointing back on you. It's better to start with both parents for family therapy. It will be more effective and better for the kid in the short term and long run.

Of course both parents. Duh.
It's the constant drug-pushing here that's a problem.