Do I have an obligation to tell my sister what her DH said?

[Anonymous]

Ask for a cut to keep quite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's entirely possible that this guy is charming in public but an ass in private with her. I once dated a guy who would, say, fight with me in the car on the way to a party to the extent I'd be close to tears, and then go into the party in a great mood. Meanwhile I'd be on edge and looked like the depressed screwed up one bc I couldn't just shrug off his hostility, which no one else saw.

Right. Blame the victim. Men don't get emotionally abused. Everyone knows that.

NP here. Seriously, we have no basis for concluding that the guy is being abused, even if the wife does speak negatively about him to her family. Not every unkind act toward a spouse is abuse. The conversation he had with OP makes me think he has his share of issues and may well treat his wife poorly and with lot of rage. I just don't see a guy who isn't somewhat unhinged speaking about his wife that way to her sister.

Bottom line is we don't really know what goes on in someone else's marriage. If OP's sister is truly a great sister, friend, daughter, etc., my guess is that her attitude toward her spouse is being triggered by something. Not saying she's totally blameless, but OP should not be so quick to conclude that the sister deserves whatever is coming to her.

[Anonymous]

She is your sister. Tell her.

[Anonymous]

Its been 20 years. OP knows whether her sis is a poor spouse or not at this point. I would stay out of it.

We silently cheered after my uncle left my aunt (mom's sister) after 20 years. He's now remarried. She's got my cousins entangled though.

[Anonymous]

I would tell my sister. Duh.

Maybe it wouldn't help matters but at this point it certainly doesn't sound as though it could hurt matters...at least give your sis a heads up so that she can either try to save her marriage or at least protect her own interests.

[Anonymous]

It's her sister, she has to tell her. Just state the facts.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have also been in this situation. Don't do it. You will inevitably get blamed. Even with siblings, when it comes to marriages, don't get involved unless you are willing to be the scapegoat for their issues because they are going to be looking for one. You are literally offering up your heart on a silver platter if you say something. These people are crazy. Don't mess with crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's entirely possible that this guy is charming in public but an ass in private with her. I once dated a guy who would, say, fight with me in the car on the way to a party to the extent I'd be close to tears, and then go into the party in a great mood. Meanwhile I'd be on edge and looked like the depressed screwed up one bc I couldn't just shrug off his hostility, which no one else saw.

Right. Blame the victim. Men don't get emotionally abused. Everyone knows that.

Typical DCUM. The OP has described the situation based on 20 YEARS OF DIRECT OBSERVATION but of course that's merely an illusion. Obviously the man must be a pig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I can't believe PPs who told OP to mind her own business and not tell her own sister.

You tell your sister calmly and matter of factly what her husband said. In private.

Perhaps she already knows. Perhaps she knows he's crazy, or liable to say things while drunk. Perhaps she already has a plan. Perhaps she's going to be surprised and hate you (temporarily).

But your duty is to tell her. None of this was in confidence, and if it was, his confidence is seriously misplaced.

This.

OP, she's your sister. He's just a jumped up guy who can go out the same door he walked in from. Your loyalties are to your sister, no question about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's entirely possible that this guy is charming in public but an ass in private with her. I once dated a guy who would, say, fight with me in the car on the way to a party to the extent I'd be close to tears, and then go into the party in a great mood. Meanwhile I'd be on edge and looked like the depressed screwed up one bc I couldn't just shrug off his hostility, which no one else saw.

I can relate. Only the person who did this to me (and my Mum) on a regular basis was the man who sired me, not my date.

[Anonymous]

The reason why people are telling you to shut it, OP, is because your loyalties may be to your sister but her's may be, in fact, to her marriage (or the appearance of her marriage). If you wade into this mess, OP, you can guarantee there is going to be damage and the easiest target is you (because lord knows if these idiots would have dealt with their drama, they wouldn't have laid it at your feet). Avoid engaging at all costs. Ignore and deny. Repeat. Ignore and deny you ever knew anything about anything. Because this isn't your marriage or life, but it could mess yours up (or at least cause a headache).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's entirely possible that this guy is charming in public but an ass in private with her. I once dated a guy who would, say, fight with me in the car on the way to a party to the extent I'd be close to tears, and then go into the party in a great mood. Meanwhile I'd be on edge and looked like the depressed screwed up one bc I couldn't just shrug off his hostility, which no one else saw.

Right. Blame the victim. Men don't get emotionally abused. Everyone knows that.

Typical DCUM. The OP has described the situation based on 20 YEARS OF DIRECT OBSERVATION but of course that's merely an illusion. Obviously the man must be a pig.

Yup. Busted bitter old hags.

[Anonymous]

Tell her so she can be prepared. She's your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's entirely possible that this guy is charming in public but an ass in private with her. I once dated a guy who would, say, fight with me in the car on the way to a party to the extent I'd be close to tears, and then go into the party in a great mood. Meanwhile I'd be on edge and looked like the depressed screwed up one bc I couldn't just shrug off his hostility, which no one else saw.

Right. Blame the victim. Men don't get emotionally abused. Everyone knows that.

Typical DCUM. The OP has described the situation based on 20 YEARS OF DIRECT OBSERVATION but of course that's merely an illusion. Obviously the man must be a pig.

Yup. Busted bitter old hags.

And he must be a beta. So fuck him.

[Anonymous]

Tell him that he has to come clean with your sister by Sunday, or you will tell her what he said.