Rude and disrespectful 8 y/o

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP-I told him this weekend that any of the unacceptable behavior (which I spelled out to him explicitly) would result in a 2-day grounding. No warning, no second chances. He lost a portion of his screen time this weekend for last week's behavior, but the weekend was good. I think that the direct and immediate consequence will make the impression I'm seeking.

It's always amusing that people respond to this threads with a lecture about how the parent who's kid is having a pretty normal behavior issue must be lousy parents who've set no limits and imposed no consequences ever before. It's ludicrous and no one believes your kid is perfect and has never misbehaved. In fact, your kid is probably the one no one wants to have for a play date because he's a little asshole.

I am one of the people who said to look at your own behavior.

For perspective on this and why I think it's the parents who influence this so much, think about your friend's and their kids. Do you ever see their kids have the same bad behavior traits as their parents? Being controlling, being short with others, being snarky, teasing too much, etc? I had a friend who would make snarky, teasing comments to her kid. Then when her kid did back to her, she was always shocked, got upset and talked about how her kid must have picked it up at school. No, she picked it up at home from it happening, over and over and over to her. My friend just didn't see it when she did it and always thought she was just being funny and her 5 yr old should know the difference.

As parents, we often don't think or believe that they way with interact not only with our kids but just other people in general is being watched and repeated but it is.

[Anonymous]

Another thing to try is to give him other strategies to express his anger, frustration, and disagreement with you or rules. I mean, he has to follow rules, but he doesn't have to like them, right? So how can he let out steam in a way that is acceptable to you? We all have to learn to receive feedback, even feedback we don't like. And we all have to learn how to provide feedback in ways that don't cut off our noses, or bite the hand that feeds us, or insert some other banal trope. I suck at metaphors. Ha.

[Anonymous]

Some ideas:

1. Violence is not okay.

2. Words are better, but not all words are okay.

3. Some gestures are okay, like throwing up hands, maybe even stomping, but some are not (giving the finger, sticking tongue out, slamming door).

What is okay to do?

I mean, I sometimes totally disagree with my husband, and sometimes I yell. Oops. Well, I do. We always apologize for our crappy behavior, though, even if we don't change our minds about the thing that caused the disagreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's been several posts about this.

I spanked him after no other punishment worked for over a year. Yep, I got flamed, but the one-time spanking worked. Now, I just have to give a warning and a look. DS is 9.5 now, and he's been really great in the past year or so. We have a great relationship.

Good luck.

Many children can learn well from meeting the "board of education." This is a lesson too often forgotten today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP-I told him this weekend that any of the unacceptable behavior (which I spelled out to him explicitly) would result in a 2-day grounding. No warning, no second chances. He lost a portion of his screen time this weekend for last week's behavior, but the weekend was good. I think that the direct and immediate consequence will make the impression I'm seeking.

It's always amusing that people respond to this threads with a lecture about how the parent who's kid is having a pretty normal behavior issue must be lousy parents who've set no limits and imposed no consequences ever before. It's ludicrous and no one believes your kid is perfect and has never misbehaved. In fact, your kid is probably the one no one wants to have for a play date because he's a little asshole.

Great, glad it's working for you! Thanks for the update