Rude and disrespectful 8 y/o

[Anonymous]

My ODS is 8.5 and has taken to rolling his eyes, grimacing, and sticking out his tongue at me when he's mad about something. I've implemented a system where he earns screen time by doing his various responsibilities, including being polite and respectful, but the smart-assery continues. He does lose screen time if he persists with it, but it doesn't seem to be diminishing. Lectures aren't helping, either. How do you handle this with your child?

[Anonymous]

There's been several posts about this.

I spanked him after no other punishment worked for over a year. Yep, I got flamed, but the one-time spanking worked. Now, I just have to give a warning and a look. DS is 9.5 now, and he's been really great in the past year or so. We have a great relationship.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I would make a big gesture at this point, since you've tried and it continues:

1. Sit him down and explain that you have had enough with the eye rolling, gestures and have decided no screen time at all for 2 days. If he can avoid all that behavior you don't like ( and be very specific on exactly what it is) then he earns back his screen time. The minute he does one of those behaviors again, screen time gone for 2 days. And repeat

No fooling around OP! Nip it in the bud

[Anonymous]

^^ and no lectures. You explain this in less than 60 seconds and walk away. When he does the bad behavior, which he definitely will, you say nothing and take the remote control, iPad or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ and no lectures. You explain this in less than 60 seconds and walk away. When he does the bad behavior, which he definitely will, you say nothing and take the remote control, iPad or whatever.

OP already said he loses screen time, but it's not helping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ and no lectures. You explain this in less than 60 seconds and walk away. When he does the bad behavior, which he definitely will, you say nothing and take the remote control, iPad or whatever.

OP already said he loses screen time, but it's not helping.

OP said there is a system where he has to earn it, and takes some away.

I was talking about a total loss of all devices for 2 days starting now, and then immediately losing all devices for 2 days with any sign an eye roll or tongue out.
It didn't sound like OP had been that firm to me.

[Anonymous]

PP here, another option would be to explain to him that if he can't be respectful to family then he is not allowed in the family areas. Be specific in which behavior will send him to his room for the rest of the day.
Immediately without a lecture send him to his room for any behavior you have told him will not be tolerated. He stays there for the rest of the evening. No matter what time of day it is. Yes, being his dinner to him in his room if it's earlier on the day.
He gets another chance the next day.

[Anonymous]

1. Eliminate screen time, no matter what.

2. Ignore his behavior, so he'll stop pressing your buttons. Pretend like you don't notice and go about your business.

[Anonymous]

Treating people respectfully is non-negotiable. I'd be more firm. If screen time is the currency, then disrespectful behavior = no screen time for the day. No earning it back. One discussion to explain that he may not treat people, including you, with such disrespect. If he disagrees with you, he is free to express that in a respectful manner, but rolling his eyes and sticking out his tongue are not okay. Then, when he does it, you say "no screens today," and otherwise completely ignore him. You'll talk to him when he behaves with respect.

And frankly, when my kid is disrespectful to me, I stop doing her favors. She gets all her basic needs met, and I remain polite (this is not the silent treatment), but I'm very clear that I'm not going to go out of my way to do nice things for someone who isn't nice to me. Also, if she's asked me for something and treats me disrespectfully, the answer is automatically no, even if I might otherwise have said yes.

[Anonymous]

Escalate. Screen time isn't working, so take everything away. Tell him that if he is disrespectful, he will go straight to bed, lights out, no dinner, no reading/talking/music/screens, nothing. Just bed.

[Anonymous]

If screen time isn't working, it may not be that important to him. What is the most important thing to him that you can take away?

[Anonymous]

Screen time isn't working as a currency. I'd try something else.

Rudeness would probably result in not getting to be around others, since people deserve to be treated politely. I would send him to his room until at least the next natural half of the day (using meals as dividing lines) or possibly the rest of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Eliminate screen time, no matter what.

2. Ignore his behavior, so he'll stop pressing your buttons. Pretend like you don't notice and go about your business.

Ignoring just makes it seem like the behavior is right. It has to be addressed as wrong and not tolerated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Treating people respectfully is non-negotiable. I'd be more firm. If screen time is the currency, then disrespectful behavior = no screen time for the day. No earning it back. One discussion to explain that he may not treat people, including you, with such disrespect. If he disagrees with you, he is free to express that in a respectful manner, but rolling his eyes and sticking out his tongue are not okay. Then, when he does it, you say "no screens today," and otherwise completely ignore him. You'll talk to him when he behaves with respect.

And frankly, when my kid is disrespectful to me, I stop doing her favors. She gets all her basic needs met, and I remain polite (this is not the silent treatment), but I'm very clear that I'm not going to go out of my way to do nice things for someone who isn't nice to me. Also, if she's asked me for something and treats me disrespectfully, the answer is automatically no, even if I might otherwise have said yes.

I'm with this PP. Why is it so bad to be firm? How about a simple raised voice truth "Knock it off! You're behaving like a disrespectful jerk and I'm not dealing with it anymore. Plant yourself (somewhere where there is nothing to do) until you can behave like someone we want to be around."

We coddle and protect our kids' feelings instead of being upfront and honest. Sometimes "Stop it now" rather than "Don't you feel that is inappropriate?" cuts to the heart of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Eliminate screen time, no matter what.

2. Ignore his behavior, so he'll stop pressing your buttons. Pretend like you don't notice and go about your business.

Ignoring just makes it seem like the behavior is right. It has to be addressed as wrong and not tolerated.

+1 And it shows that mom/dad can't do anything about it. Ignoring when a 2 yr old throws a tantrum is fine. But this kind of behavior at 8 shouldn't be "ignored". Deal with it head on.