Entertain often but never reciprocated

[Anonymous]

Invites can be out to dinner. Reciprocating doesn't mean it has to be at your home. Extend an invitation to do something somewhere. Pick up a tab. It can be modest. Or people assume you don't appreciate them. And you hurt people unnecessarily. If you don't care, others need to recognize the message and stop caring.

[Anonymous]

I have a different type of response. I hate dinner parties. I only go when NOT going brings on the wrath of my spouse. I don't want to go to dinner parties BECAUSE you are expected to reciprocate. And I don't want to be a host BECAUSE my ("our") invitation will inevitably be reciprocated. I can't stand idle chatter and enduring boring conversation. I'm totally willing to accept the fact that I may be boring to others, by the way. Few things I dread more than an impending dinner party. I find them insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Our living room feels tight if more than a couple stands there. Also feeding people seem to be a big issue too. And do people stand or sit? I need to sit, can't stand all the time. Some people stay too long.
Don't get me wrong, when i was growing up, my family host alot of gatherings. But, with DH, it always seem to be a struggle-he gets stressed out and over buy things and too much of everything. But, once he starts talking, you would never know he is stressed out. I on the other hand, get really tired 1 hr into it.

[Anonymous]

We used to do a ton of entertaining (kids are 4 and 6), including lots of playdates (at least 2-3 per month), a few big parties per year like our annual Halloween party, 4th of July BBQ, and annual Christmas Eve party, as well as inviting 2-3 families over for pizza and game night or Sunday brunch once every other month. I'd say maybe 1 or 2 people ever reciprocated.

We got annoyed that no one ever reciprocated. We were spending a lot of time and energy into making sure we were hosting welcoming and fun events with nice food. We decided to just stop. So this year we pretty much stopped entertaining at all. We still did our 4th of July party and our Halloween party but we stopped inviting people over for smaller events like playdates or brunches at our house. To make sure our kids got more social time, we enrolled them in more activities after school and on the weekends.

I must say that I'm happier now that I no longer entertain often. I was always getting annoyed at the lack of reciprocation because I was raised that if someone invites you, you invite them or reciprocate in some way. Most people here don't seem to care about that.

After we stopped entertaining, 2 of the families we had invited over most often stepped up and started reciprocating. I think they realized that we had stopped inviting them. So that has been a nice change.

[Anonymous]

I get it. You don’t want to have a party or have folks over to your home. Fair enough. But there’s no reason to not reciprocate by inviting the folks who hosted you out for breakfast, lunch or dinner. It would go a long way in showing appreciation. And, it’s the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. You don’t want to have a party or have folks over to your home. Fair enough. But there’s no reason to not reciprocate by inviting the folks who hosted you out for breakfast, lunch or dinner. It would go a long way in showing appreciation. And, it’s the right thing to do.

Sir, this thread is 5 years old.

[Anonymous]

Just go out to eat for goodness sakes.

[Anonymous]

Covid 19.

Problem solved, OP!

[Anonymous]

I know this is old but . . . I'm an introvert myself and don't need the same level of social interaction as my extrovert friends. They like to get together every weekend where as I like to get together once a year. If someone is going through something and needs me to show up for them I do. But otherwise I won't be inviting you over just to hang out because I don't need that like you do.