Entertain often but never reciprocated

[Anonymous]

To all of you who think your friends love hosting and you are just "not the entertaining type of people" you need a reality check. Hosting gatherings is a PIA for everyone. It requires hours of cleaning, shopping, and planning and is expensive. But guess what? We hosts do it because we want to see our friends. And we'd appreciate an invite every now and then, even if it just to dinner at a restaurant.

You don't need a big home to have a family over for dinner or to watch the Superbowl. Our home is 1200 square feet and we host 10-12 times a year - several intimate gatherings and about 4 larger gatherings each year. Yes, it takes some planning, rearranging and investments in folding chairs/tables sometimes, and we may have to cut back on other expenses those months to absorb the cost. It would be nice to see others make a bit of effort to entertain us every now and then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe that some people love to host, and it's their prerogative. I do not like to host; my house is small and my spouse is on the antisocial side. I never worry about it.

That's because you are a moocher! Moochers do not worry about reciprocating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My house sucks. It's a work in progress but I am embarrased so very few people are allowed in. Maybe it is them, not you. We usually go out when we invite. Our house is also very small so it is hard to have more than one other family.

This is exactly why we don't entertain. I would love to be able to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all of you who think your friends love hosting and you are just "not the entertaining type of people" you need a reality check. Hosting gatherings is a PIA for everyone. It requires hours of cleaning, shopping, and planning and is expensive. But guess what? We hosts do it because we want to see our friends. And we'd appreciate an invite every now and then, even if it just to dinner at a restaurant.

You don't need a big home to have a family over for dinner or to watch the Superbowl. Our home is 1200 square feet and we host 10-12 times a year - several intimate gatherings and about 4 larger gatherings each year. Yes, it takes some planning, rearranging and investments in folding chairs/tables sometimes, and we may have to cut back on other expenses those months to absorb the cost. It would be nice to see others make a bit of effort to entertain us every now and then.

If you're someone who loves to see your friends and that's important to you, then go ahead and entertain. But don't complain when your friends don't reciprocate (unless they are throwing parties and not inviting you). I have zero interest in entertaining. It's just not important to me. And, so, I don't do it except for family events (kids' b-days, holidays, etc.). We have friends (one family in particular) who entertain a lot and invite us over. We usually go and we bring something and help clean up. But if they never invited us, I honestly wouldn't care. I'm a homebody, and I'm busy with my job, kids, etc. If I want to hang out with a friend, I'll arrange lunch or coffee. "Entertainers" who expect reciprocation suck. If you don't want to entertain, then don't do it. It's that simple. I'm pretty sure those people who aren't reciprocating could take or leave your parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're someone who loves to see your friends and that's important to you, then go ahead and entertain. But don't complain when your friends don't reciprocate (unless they are throwing parties and not inviting you). I have zero interest in entertaining. It's just not important to me. And, so, I don't do it except for family events (kids' b-days, holidays, etc.). We have friends (one family in particular) who entertain a lot and invite us over. We usually go and we bring something and help clean up. But if they never invited us, I honestly wouldn't care. I'm a homebody, and I'm busy with my job, kids, etc. If I want to hang out with a friend, I'll arrange lunch or coffee. "Entertainers" who expect reciprocation suck. If you don't want to entertain, then don't do it. It's that simple. I'm pretty sure those people who aren't reciprocating could take or leave your parties.

I'm OP and that's pretty depressing, actually. Contrary to a PP's accusation, enjoying having people over doesn't mean that I can't also enjoy hanging at your house to watch the Super Bowl. We only invite families, or our kid-free couple friends, that we truly enjoy and want to spend time with. Now I'm sad to think that many of those folks don't care and could "take or leave" spending an afternoon or evening with us.

[Anonymous]

I think we are talking about extremes. Families who have huge houses and people in small apartments. I don't begrudge anyone who doesn't entertain if I know that they are in a small house and/or I know that housekeeping is not their thing ie house size not the issue. I think what annoys people are the moochers, the people who never extend themselves because they are not wanting to spend money on other people, do not feel like doing the clean up. If you notice a friend is hosting a lot then you should reciprocate even if it's a dinner out. I have had friends be candid and say they don't like to host at home for whatever reason but would love to take us out for dinner and dinner does not have to be expensive, it's about being together. I am fine with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, make sure you still consider it "reciprocated" if a couple invites you out to dinner at a restaurant, or some other activity other than coming to their home.

But I'm sorry. I know the frustration.

I agree. I have a big fancy house with a pool. I consider any invite to be reciprocating - does not have to be equivalent . . . Could be getting sandwiches & walking to park.

I agree. We have a small apartment but we often invite others over for parties, dinner, afternoon coffee, playdates, etc. I don't expect an invitation in kind, but something--asking us to go out to dinner, suggesting a meeting at the park, whatever. I just don't like being the only family that initiates stuff--I would appreciate it if other people made the plans and reached out to us sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, make sure you still consider it "reciprocated" if a couple invites you out to dinner at a restaurant, or some other activity other than coming to their home.

But I'm sorry. I know the frustration.

I agree. I have a big fancy house with a pool. I consider any invite to be reciprocating - does not have to be equivalent . . . Could be getting sandwiches & walking to park.

I agree. We have a small apartment but we often invite others over for parties, dinner, afternoon coffee, play dates, etc. I don't expect an invitation in kind, but something--asking us to go out to dinner, suggesting a meeting at the park, whatever. I just don't like being the only family that initiates stuff--I would appreciate it if other people made the plans and reached out to us sometimes.

I completely agree. Hosting can take many forms, it does not have to be a formal, sit down dinner. I host several parties a year and also have smaller groups over for dinners, play dates, etc. I don't expect my friends to reciprocate in exactly the same way but it would be nice if they asked us to do something, whatever they might be comfortable doing. It seems really inconsiderate to always let someone else do all the work of hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Despite all of this talk about how everyone loves to "entertain" (I cannot believe how many times you hear that word on HGTV), not many people actually want to or can. Especially in DC where we all live in crappy, small, overpriced houses.

Remember, just because you like entertaining, doesn't mean others do. And if you think they are mooching off of you, have you thought that many of them only show up because they feel obligated?

Exactly how I feel. I am obligated to accept the invitation or I'm a jerk, then I have to host them or I'm a jerk. I would rather have dental surgery with no novacaine than host a dinner party. My dogs would not make it a nice place for you either, but rescuing dogs is what I do. I guess the problem is that I am jerk either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all of you who think your friends love hosting and you are just "not the entertaining type of people" you need a reality check. Hosting gatherings is a PIA for everyone. It requires hours of cleaning, shopping, and planning and is expensive. But guess what? We hosts do it because we want to see our friends. And we'd appreciate an invite every now and then, even if it just to dinner at a restaurant.

You don't need a big home to have a family over for dinner or to watch the Superbowl. Our home is 1200 square feet and we host 10-12 times a year - several intimate gatherings and about 4 larger gatherings each year. Yes, it takes some planning, rearranging and investments in folding chairs/tables sometimes, and we may have to cut back on other expenses those months to absorb the cost. It would be nice to see others make a bit of effort to entertain us every now and then.

Your friends are like me. Jerks. Happy jerks, but jerks just the same. The idea of having other people in my house is horrifying to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all of you who think your friends love hosting and you are just "not the entertaining type of people" you need a reality check. Hosting gatherings is a PIA for everyone. It requires hours of cleaning, shopping, and planning and is expensive. But guess what? We hosts do it because we want to see our friends. And we'd appreciate an invite every now and then, even if it just to dinner at a restaurant.

You don't need a big home to have a family over for dinner or to watch the Superbowl. Our home is 1200 square feet and we host 10-12 times a year - several intimate gatherings and about 4 larger gatherings each year. Yes, it takes some planning, rearranging and investments in folding chairs/tables sometimes, and we may have to cut back on other expenses those months to absorb the cost. It would be nice to see others make a bit of effort to entertain us every now and then.

If you're someone who loves to see your friends and that's important to you, then go ahead and entertain. But don't complain when your friends don't reciprocate (unless they are throwing parties and not inviting you). I have zero interest in entertaining. It's just not important to me. And, so, I don't do it except for family events (kids' b-days, holidays, etc.). We have friends (one family in particular) who entertain a lot and invite us over. We usually go and we bring something and help clean up. But if they never invited us, I honestly wouldn't care. I'm a homebody, and I'm busy with my job, kids, etc. If I want to hang out with a friend, I'll arrange lunch or coffee. "Entertainers" who expect reciprocation suck. If you don't want to entertain, then don't do it. It's that simple. I'm pretty sure those people who aren't reciprocating could take or leave your parties.

Hooray! I will add that people absolutely beg me to attend when I try to make an excuse because I don't want to invite them to my house. So again, jerk if you don't accept or jerk if you don't reciprocate. Please stop inviting me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I love to entertain. We regularly host anywhere from a couple or two to large 50+ people gatherings over the course of the year. All casual, we are not formal people. We've even had people ask us way in advance if we're still having one of our two annual events. Yet, I find that we are rarely invited elsewhere. Super Bowl tonight has me thinking as I watch my FB feed fill up with people talking about their plans, DCUM posts about last minute appetizers and desserts.

We have lots of friends and life is overall good, but it would be nice if occasionally we weren't the ones to have to clean the house, spend the money, and open our door to others! Sometimes I think people assume that because we entertain so often that we must always have plans. DH is an introvert and doesn't mind, but I'm a people person so it occasionally bums me out.

Just a vent.

We have some friends who entertain a lot. We see them so much at everything they host that we are less likely to think up occasions to reciprocate.

Entertaining less may offer up opportunities for others to do so.

[Anonymous]

I think it is just decent manners to reciprocate in some way if someone has invited to you their home. We entertain often and just because I have a formal dinner party does not mean I accept by guests to do the same. Completely fine to do a casual family get together, dinner out, etc.

[Anonymous]

Lol I meant "expect guests to do the same"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all of you who think your friends love hosting and you are just "not the entertaining type of people" you need a reality check. Hosting gatherings is a PIA for everyone. It requires hours of cleaning, shopping, and planning and is expensive. But guess what? We hosts do it because we want to see our friends. And we'd appreciate an invite every now and then, even if it just to dinner at a restaurant.

You don't need a big home to have a family over for dinner or to watch the Superbowl. Our home is 1200 square feet and we host 10-12 times a year - several intimate gatherings and about 4 larger gatherings each year. Yes, it takes some planning, rearranging and investments in folding chairs/tables sometimes, and we may have to cut back on other expenses those months to absorb the cost. It would be nice to see others make a bit of effort to entertain us every now and then.

If you're someone who loves to see your friends and that's important to you, then go ahead and entertain. But don't complain when your friends don't reciprocate (unless they are throwing parties and not inviting you). I have zero interest in entertaining. It's just not important to me. And, so, I don't do it except for family events (kids' b-days, holidays, etc.). We have friends (one family in particular) who entertain a lot and invite us over. We usually go and we bring something and help clean up. But if they never invited us, I honestly wouldn't care. I'm a homebody, and I'm busy with my job, kids, etc. If I want to hang out with a friend, I'll arrange lunch or coffee. "Entertainers" who expect reciprocation suck. If you don't want to entertain, then don't do it. It's that simple. I'm pretty sure those people who aren't reciprocating could take or leave your parties.

Hooray! I will add that people absolutely beg me to attend when I try to make an excuse because I don't want to invite them to my house. So again, jerk if you don't accept or jerk if you don't reciprocate. Please stop inviting me!

+100
Just because you enjoy hosting does not mean that I do too. I do not ask for an invitation and usually only attend out of obligation.