DW is not interested in me - Need advice

[Anonymous]

My husband could write this as well, but we only have two kids. There are a lot of things about him that bother me now -- he's got a temper with me and the kids, he doesn't help out as much as I'd like, he forgets to do things he's supposed to do. I hope the passion is just in an ebb period and will come back. But when he's particularly good with the kids or helpful around the house, I feel closer to him. It's just that those events seem to be far between periods of his snapping or laying around on the couch watching TV or playing on his phone while messes pile up.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't jump on the PP's suggestion to buy lingerie for your wife though. That could be success or disaster -- really depends on the underlying problem. If she resents you or your desire for sex, the lingerie is just going to make matters worse, as a self-serving gift that puts additional pressure on her to have sex.

On the other hand, if she's just in a rut, basically likes sex and you pretty well, but just needs a jump start to see herself as sexy, then it might be a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:bro you gotta be more alpha. Read what Incognita wrote. She got her tingles back when her husband became more alpha.

Forget what your wife thinks. Hit the gym, flirt with other women right in front of her, do whatever you want to do when you want to do it.

Hell if you read this board often enough you see how many women 'give passes' to their DH stepping out of the marriage. I would venture that half of them get turned on in their hind brain that their husband is wanted by other women.

Get your testosterone levels check out too. You might need a supplement.

Just go real heavy compound lifts which will get more testosterone flowing, don't masturbate, and openly flirt with women to get your confidence back. And trust me, your wife will be wanting you more than ever when that happens.

Cannot agree more. When I hit my mid 30s, my T level dropped significantly. Go to a specialist and have them tested. Hit the gym, flirt with chicks, hell go to Vegas for a guys weekend and get your bone worked. Just forget about how she's acting and take care of #1. If she comes around (which she likely will) great, if not, find a girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:bro you gotta be more alpha. Read what Incognita wrote. She got her tingles back when her husband became more alpha.

Forget what your wife thinks. Hit the gym, flirt with other women right in front of her, do whatever you want to do when you want to do it.

Hell if you read this board often enough you see how many women 'give passes' to their DH stepping out of the marriage. I would venture that half of them get turned on in their hind brain that their husband is wanted by other women.

Get your testosterone levels check out too. You might need a supplement.

Just go real heavy compound lifts which will get more testosterone flowing, don't masturbate, and openly flirt with women to get your confidence back. And trust me, your wife will be wanting you more than ever when that happens.

Cannot agree more. When I hit my mid 30s, my T level dropped significantly. Go to a specialist and have them tested. Hit the gym, flirt with chicks, hell go to Vegas for a guys weekend and get your bone worked. Just forget about how she's acting and take care of #1. If she comes around (which she likely will) great, if not, find a girlfriend.

Wow. You've been reading too many red pill blogs.

The OP is a good guy, so he's unlikely to follow your d-bag advice. Also, he's a great dad so he's not likely to mess with anything that could affect his relationship with his children.

OP, women are fickle bitches. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Try to pull back emotionally, agree with others not to be needy. Find a hobby that takes you out of the house, focus on your kids. She can't fall back in love with you if you are staring at her. A watched pot never boils.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:bro you gotta be more alpha. Read what Incognita wrote. She got her tingles back when her husband became more alpha.

Forget what your wife thinks. Hit the gym, flirt with other women right in front of her, do whatever you want to do when you want to do it.

Hell if you read this board often enough you see how many women 'give passes' to their DH stepping out of the marriage. I would venture that half of them get turned on in their hind brain that their husband is wanted by other women.

Get your testosterone levels check out too. You might need a supplement.

Just go real heavy compound lifts which will get more testosterone flowing, don't masturbate, and openly flirt with women to get your confidence back. And trust me, your wife will be wanting you more than ever when that happens.

Cannot agree more. When I hit my mid 30s, my T level dropped significantly. Go to a specialist and have them tested. Hit the gym, flirt with chicks, hell go to Vegas for a guys weekend and get your bone worked. Just forget about how she's acting and take care of #1. If she comes around (which she likely will) great, if not, find a girlfriend.

Wow. You've been reading too many red pill blogs.

The OP is a good guy, so he's unlikely to follow your d-bag advice. Also, he's a great dad so he's not likely to mess with anything that could affect his relationship with his children.

OP, women are fickle bitches. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Try to pull back emotionally, agree with others not to be needy. Find a hobby that takes you out of the house, focus on your kids. She can't fall back in love with you if you are staring at her. A watched pot never boils.

Im the poster that told OP to be more alpha.

I do not fully agree with the poster that responded to me. No need to go to vegas to get some play. However, a little light flirting with other women doesn't hurt and will help boost OP's confidence and self esteem.

OP needs to put his kids first, then himself, and the wife will come around. OP should pretend he is single again in that he needs to work to maximize his 'inner game' and attractiveness. Work out, update your style, always be flirting and checking out other women - demonstrate higher value and make your wife feel like she's the one that has more to lose by not being attentive and loving to your needs.

This doesn't mean that you cheat or 'get your bone worked' - this just means behaving in a way that lets your wife know - look, I have options, and right now you are not doing it for me. that'll light a fire under her ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:bro you gotta be more alpha. Read what Incognita wrote. She got her tingles back when her husband became more alpha.

Forget what your wife thinks. Hit the gym, flirt with other women right in front of her, do whatever you want to do when you want to do it.

Hell if you read this board often enough you see how many women 'give passes' to their DH stepping out of the marriage. I would venture that half of them get turned on in their hind brain that their husband is wanted by other women.

Get your testosterone levels check out too. You might need a supplement.

Just go real heavy compound lifts which will get more testosterone flowing, don't masturbate, and openly flirt with women to get your confidence back. And trust me, your wife will be wanting you more than ever when that happens.

Cannot agree more. When I hit my mid 30s, my T level dropped significantly. Go to a specialist and have them tested. Hit the gym, flirt with chicks, hell go to Vegas for a guys weekend and get your bone worked. Just forget about how she's acting and take care of #1. If she comes around (which she likely will) great, if not, find a girlfriend.

Wow. You've been reading too many red pill blogs.

The OP is a good guy, so he's unlikely to follow your d-bag advice. Also, he's a great dad so he's not likely to mess with anything that could affect his relationship with his children.

OP, women are fickle bitches. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Try to pull back emotionally, agree with others not to be needy. Find a hobby that takes you out of the house, focus on your kids. She can't fall back in love with you if you are staring at her. A watched pot never boils.

Im the poster that told OP to be more alpha.

I do not fully agree with the poster that responded to me. No need to go to vegas to get some play. However, a little light flirting with other women doesn't hurt and will help boost OP's confidence and self esteem.

OP needs to put his kids first, then himself, and the wife will come around. OP should pretend he is single again in that he needs to work to maximize his 'inner game' and attractiveness. Work out, update your style, always be flirting and checking out other women - demonstrate higher value and make your wife feel like she's the one that has more to lose by not being attentive and loving to your needs.

This doesn't mean that you cheat or 'get your bone worked' - this just means behaving in a way that lets your wife know - look, I have options, and right now you are not doing it for me. that'll light a fire under her ass.

OK. That is better than PP advice. Still it is a thin line. I would advise OP not to emphasize the flirting or hitting on other women but just working on himself. Work out, get in great shape, buy some nice-fitting clothes, start going out with friends and like I said, get a hobby that takes you outside the house. in essence, as PP said, be a single dad. Not a pick up artists tho, or that might be the nail in the coffin for a disinterested wife.

Just remember that in the end, it will be your relationship with your kids that will mean the most to you. Doesn't sound like your wife is a lifer, I am sorry to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:bro you gotta be more alpha. Read what Incognita wrote. She got her tingles back when her husband became more alpha.

Forget what your wife thinks. Hit the gym, flirt with other women right in front of her, do whatever you want to do when you want to do it.

Hell if you read this board often enough you see how many women 'give passes' to their DH stepping out of the marriage. I would venture that half of them get turned on in their hind brain that their husband is wanted by other women.

Get your testosterone levels check out too. You might need a supplement.

Just go real heavy compound lifts which will get more testosterone flowing, don't masturbate, and openly flirt with women to get your confidence back. And trust me, your wife will be wanting you more than ever when that happens.

Cannot agree more. When I hit my mid 30s, my T level dropped significantly. Go to a specialist and have them tested. Hit the gym, flirt with chicks, hell go to Vegas for a guys weekend and get your bone worked. Just forget about how she's acting and take care of #1. If she comes around (which she likely will) great, if not, find a girlfriend.

Wow. You've been reading too many red pill blogs.

The OP is a good guy, so he's unlikely to follow your d-bag advice. Also, he's a great dad so he's not likely to mess with anything that could affect his relationship with his children.

OP, women are fickle bitches. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Try to pull back emotionally, agree with others not to be needy. Find a hobby that takes you out of the house, focus on your kids. She can't fall back in love with you if you are staring at her. A watched pot never boils.

Im the poster that told OP to be more alpha.

I do not fully agree with the poster that responded to me. No need to go to vegas to get some play. However, a little light flirting with other women doesn't hurt and will help boost OP's confidence and self esteem.

OP needs to put his kids first, then himself, and the wife will come around. OP should pretend he is single again in that he needs to work to maximize his 'inner game' and attractiveness. Work out, update your style, always be flirting and checking out other women - demonstrate higher value and make your wife feel like she's the one that has more to lose by not being attentive and loving to your needs.

This doesn't mean that you cheat or 'get your bone worked' - this just means behaving in a way that lets your wife know - look, I have options, and right now you are not doing it for me. that'll light a fire under her ass.

OK. That is better than PP advice. Still it is a thin line. I would advise OP not to emphasize the flirting or hitting on other women but just working on himself. Work out, get in great shape, buy some nice-fitting clothes, start going out with friends and like I said, get a hobby that takes you outside the house. in essence, as PP said, be a single dad. Not a pick up artists tho, or that might be the nail in the coffin for a disinterested wife.

Just remember that in the end, it will be your relationship with your kids that will mean the most to you. Doesn't sound like your wife is a lifer, I am sorry to say.

This - always remember "they'll always be your kids, but you might not always be my spouse".

I assume OP atleast has one son - if so, I would stress to ask OP to think what would he tell his son to do if his son is in OP's shoes 40 years from now.

And use that as motivation to be that example for your son.

Sounds like OP is a great guy who probably had some alpha tendencies when he was dating and wooing his wife. However years of domestic life has blunted his sword so to speak. Time to consciously develop or get back some of those tendencies bro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you could be my DH, except we have one kid. I love my DH as a best friend and dad to our son, but I'm no longer attracted to him. I wish I had advice for you.

What happened? Why are you no longer attracted to him?

For the first few years of marriage, he was passionate about everything. He smiled, laughed, cried with me, we talked, read books together, were super active...It was why I fell in love with him. Now, he acts old and doesn't smile much. He doesn't seem like a happy man. At the end of the day, I just don't have fun with him anymore. I wish we could get that back, because I don't see being with another man. If we were to separate, I'd probably just go it alone and find my own passions.

Is he aware that you feel this way?

It's seems obvious TO ME. But now that you ask, maybe not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Im sorry you're going through this. There may be many reasons for her lack of interest, and it might well be her "fault" entirely and not worth your effort, but I commend you for trying to work on this and asking for advice. Id change the approach a bit and instead of talking to her about it, or even doing counseling, I would do actions and not words. Book a sitter or relative one night for the kids and take her to a hotel or even a weekend away in a place she likes. Buy her nice lingerie, use flattering words like you can't wait to see her in that outfit tonight, or something like that. Make her feel wanted, desired and special. Little things can make a difference: text messages during the day saying you want to cuddle tonight and watch a movie after kids are in bed, or a massage or whatever she likes. There was a time I was overwhelmed and depressed and checked out of my relationship with DH, and things like this would have meant a lot to me. If your efforts have no results, then it's time to reevaluate what really is going on with her.

This might work, or it might not - if she is truly not interested in him any more then texting during the day might yield no response from her. Sometimes the best is to to nothing and work on yourself. Really hard to do. There is no silver bullet on dealing with these situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you could be my DH, except we have one kid. I love my DH as a best friend and dad to our son, but I'm no longer attracted to him. I wish I had advice for you.

What happened? Why are you no longer attracted to him?

For the first few years of marriage, he was passionate about everything. He smiled, laughed, cried with me, we talked, read books together, were super active...It was why I fell in love with him. Now, he acts old and doesn't smile much. He doesn't seem like a happy man. At the end of the day, I just don't have fun with him anymore. I wish we could get that back, because I don't see being with another man. If we were to separate, I'd probably just go it alone and find my own passions.

This is me. My husband just isn't fun anymore. He doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything, and he never laughs. He's just so serious all the time. He's turned into his father, and it's depressing.

[Anonymous]

Wife here too. Wish the attraction would come back. Hard when he's 240 lbs and I'm 120 lbs. He knows and does nothing.

[Anonymous]

DH flirting with other women is a HUGE turn off.

[Anonymous]

There is a new show about this very thing on HBO called Togetherness. I don't know what the answer is. I think perhaps the reality is that very few human beings are cut out for long term monogamy. A lot of people really need the thrill of the chase and novelty in order to feel "in love," which as you know, is different from just "love g" someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH flirting with other women is a HUGE turn off.

Yeah don't do this OP. You will drive her straight into an EA with some guy if you pursue this tactic.

[Anonymous]

Try lining up a sitter and planning a series of fun dates culminating in a romantic weekend away - mind you, ithe dates have to be things *she'd* like to do - and see what happens, if anything. Also scan the news for any topics that you know she'd find interesting. Either email them to her or print them out and show her. That might get the conversational ball rolling again. She needs to see you putting effort get in.