tell me about your marriage in the baby + toddler years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You can hate on me all you want. Instead of bellyaching, I took steps from early days to get my child to be a good sleeper. They were work, but all the steps worked. Child went from screaming all night to sleeping through the night in six weeks. Needlessly to say, the whole household was happier, and my marriage still flourishes because we were on the same page.

I'll take it.

Why the arrogance?

Why the helplessness?

As I said, I spent more than a decade listening to friends complain about their sleepless nights. So after my son was born, and he wasn't sleeping at all at night, I decided I was going to take action right away. VERY few of the people complaining about sleepless nights have actually taken the time to sleep train. Instead they get into the habit of rocking their kids to sleep, running at every peep, lying down with their kids for hours, etc. This was the case with almost all of my friends who had poor sleepers. It may start with the child, but it is enabled by the parents. And you can see it over and over again on these threads.

Again, why the arrogance?

[Anonymous]

Read " the baby whisperer" and "no cry sleep solution"... Both help establish good sleep habits from the very beginning. Kid slept in 4-5 hour chunks very quickly.
It's possible. Never did any cry it out sleep training.
As for OP post, it's hell and I only have ONE. But the hard part was not lack of time with spouse it was lack of time for me. Now that she is two that is a lot better.
Things that helped:
Stop breastfeeding sooner than planned. I stopped before going back to work so that saved me pumpin at work etc and lessened the stress levels
Get a nanny so you don't deal with pick up and drop off at day care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You can hate on me all you want. Instead of bellyaching, I took steps from early days to get my child to be a good sleeper. They were work, but all the steps worked. Child went from screaming all night to sleeping through the night in six weeks. Needlessly to say, the whole household was happier, and my marriage still flourishes because we were on the same page.

I'll take it.

Why the arrogance?

Seriously, WTF? You sound like a peach. I'm super lucky because both my babies were very good sleepers, but I know it depends on the baby. Some babies are just bad sleepers. I know, becuase I used to be a nanny.

If you truly think that YOU made your baby a good sleeper, please enlighten us as to exactly what you did to make it so. In my experience, sleep training only goes so far and really depends on the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You can hate on me all you want. Instead of bellyaching, I took steps from early days to get my child to be a good sleeper. They were work, but all the steps worked. Child went from screaming all night to sleeping through the night in six weeks. Needlessly to say, the whole household was happier, and my marriage still flourishes because we were on the same page.

I'll take it.

Why the arrogance?

Seriously, WTF? You sound like a peach. I'm super lucky because both my babies were very good sleepers, but I know it depends on the baby. Some babies are just bad sleepers. I know, becuase I used to be a nanny.

If you truly think that YOU made your baby a good sleeper, please enlighten us as to exactly what you did to make it so. In my experience, sleep training only goes so far and really depends on the baby.

Thank you.

As a parent to 3 unique children, this could not be.more true. My first was so easy and I thought I was an excellent sleep trainer...until my second child knocked me off my high horse.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, we had some friends just like that PP who sactimoniously scolded us about how to train our kids how to sleep better until their third rolled around and was colicky like my 2. Then they came to me for survival tips. And apologized for all the lectures over the years. I just laughed and gave her a hug.

[Anonymous]

We have a 12 month old and are first time parents. Before our son was born, I worried a lot about this issue. We had been married 10 years already (so we already built a strong marriage) but we have no local family (family is thousands of miles away), very few friends (new to the area), zero support network, my husband works 80 hour weeks and I resigned from my job to be a SAHM. I worried that even though we had a very strong marriage that these other factors of no support would result in a lot of stress and exhaustion.

The newborn period was tough because our son didn't sleep well (he only slept in 2 hour stretches until 12 weeks). We were both exhausted and stressed and argued a lot during this time. We had zero help except for my parents who came in for the first two weeks to "help" (but were unhelpful), and my husband went back to work after a 2 week paternity leave. I was tired and didn't leave the house for the first 3 months due to exhaustion. But then things got a lot easier as our child started sleeping better. I was feeling like everything was back to normal around month 5, and our son started sleeping through the night then.

Now he is 12 months, sleeps 12 hours per night with no wakeups, and we have a great routine going. I love being a SAHM and I think that my staying at home reduces a lot of marital stress. Our marriage bounced back from the stressful newborn days and is just as strong as it was pre-baby.

Having no local family (we see the grandparents twice a year) and no support system hasn't been the issue I thought it would be, except for the fact that we never get to do date night (since we're not comfortable with a babysitter at this point, we have not had a date night since I was pregnant). So besides the lack of date night, I'd say things are really good and there is no stress. We both started doing our hobbies when our son was around 5 months old (my husband plays a sport two nights per week), and I go out with my friends two nights per week, while the other spouse stays home with our child those nights. My husband takes over childcare as soon as he comes home from work. On the weekend, I get one weekend day to myself while my husband takes over all childcare duties. On the weekend we alternate days of sleeping late and also do things together as a family.

Overall, I have been very surprised and happy about how well our marriage has done in the first year after having a baby.

[Anonymous]

It gets better at 3 months then much better at 12months. Then by 15-18 moinths it feels so totally doable u start considering having a second. Then 20-22 could be hard. They sstn but say No! And are willful and stubborn. But it's really much more fun n easier the second year.