tell me about your marriage in the baby + toddler years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You can hate on me all you want. Instead of bellyaching, I took steps from early days to get my child to be a good sleeper. They were work, but all the steps worked. Child went from screaming all night to sleeping through the night in six weeks. Needlessly to say, the whole household was happier, and my marriage still flourishes because we were on the same page.

I'll take it.

Why the arrogance?

Why the helplessness?

As I said, I spent more than a decade listening to friends complain about their sleepless nights. So after my son was born, and he wasn't sleeping at all at night, I decided I was going to take action right away. VERY few of the people complaining about sleepless nights have actually taken the time to sleep train. Instead they get into the habit of rocking their kids to sleep, running at every peep, lying down with their kids for hours, etc. This was the case with almost all of my friends who had poor sleepers. It may start with the child, but it is enabled by the parents. And you can see it over and over again on these threads.

Oh stop! Your stupid baby didn't have reflux if you got him to sleep through the night at six weeks so quit lying or deluding yourself. My reflux baby dropped from the 40th percentile to the 19th due to her reflux being so bad and was up every 90 minutes until 6 months due to hunger and pain. If your baby slept all night at six weeks YOU GOT LUCKY and had an easy going baby. You are not a genius, and you did not just happen to want to sleep more or have a better life than the rest of us did. We had kids who actually had issues that weren't "trainable."

Wow, angry much? Yes, he had reflux. We were luck in the Zantac really helped. He had an included crib, and I kept him upright for 20 minutes after every feeding. We were indeed lucky, and by six weeks his reflux had eased. I'm not a "genius" -- never said I was. What I did say was that I was willing to help my child find the tools to sleep through the night early on.

You can call me all the names you like. It doesn't change the truth of the matter.

Clearly you are not a genius. You haven't learned tact or empathy. Hopefully, you just have the one kid and he won't grow up to be a self righteous prig like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You can hate on me all you want. Instead of bellyaching, I took steps from early days to get my child to be a good sleeper. They were work, but all the steps worked. Child went from screaming all night to sleeping through the night in six weeks. Needlessly to say, the whole household was happier, and my marriage still flourishes because we were on the same page.

I'll take it.

Why the arrogance?

Why the helplessness?

As I said, I spent more than a decade listening to friends complain about their sleepless nights. So after my son was born, and he wasn't sleeping at all at night, I decided I was going to take action right away. VERY few of the people complaining about sleepless nights have actually taken the time to sleep train. Instead they get into the habit of rocking their kids to sleep, running at every peep, lying down with their kids for hours, etc. This was the case with almost all of my friends who had poor sleepers. It may start with the child, but it is enabled by the parents. And you can see it over and over again on these threads.

You must be a joy to deal with.

I love how this touches a nerve with some very insecure people.

[Anonymous]

"All my friends marveled at how well my child slept."

Sleep was the only way the poor kid could escape your nasty personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"All my friends marveled at how well my child slept."

Sleep was the only way the poor kid could escape your nasty personality.

You're funny! Nope, plenty of family, friends, loving children, adoring husband. In fact, I just had a houseful of folks for the holidays. I'm honest, true, but not "nasty." And my friends would be among the first to tell you how impressed they were by my child's sleep habits.

The days are rough when a child doesn't sleep. And most parents can do more then they think to help in that regard (again -- not all). All I'm encouraging parents to do is their research before they throw in the towel and think things can't be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You can hate on me all you want. Instead of bellyaching, I took steps from early days to get my child to be a good sleeper. They were work, but all the steps worked. Child went from screaming all night to sleeping through the night in six weeks. Needlessly to say, the whole household was happier, and my marriage still flourishes because we were on the same page.

I'll take it.

Why the arrogance?

Why the helplessness?

As I said, I spent more than a decade listening to friends complain about their sleepless nights. So after my son was born, and he wasn't sleeping at all at night, I decided I was going to take action right away. VERY few of the people complaining about sleepless nights have actually taken the time to sleep train. Instead they get into the habit of rocking their kids to sleep, running at every peep, lying down with their kids for hours, etc. This was the case with almost all of my friends who had poor sleepers. It may start with the child, but it is enabled by the parents. And you can see it over and over again on these threads.

Oh stop! Your stupid baby didn't have reflux if you got him to sleep through the night at six weeks so quit lying or deluding yourself. My reflux baby dropped from the 40th percentile to the 19th due to her reflux being so bad and was up every 90 minutes until 6 months due to hunger and pain. If your baby slept all night at six weeks YOU GOT LUCKY and had an easy going baby. You are not a genius, and you did not just happen to want to sleep more or have a better life than the rest of us did. We had kids who actually had issues that weren't "trainable."

Wow, angry much? Yes, he had reflux. We were luck in the Zantac really helped. He had an included crib, and I kept him upright for 20 minutes after every feeding. We were indeed lucky, and by six weeks his reflux had eased. I'm not a "genius" -- never said I was. What I did say was that I was willing to help my child find the tools to sleep through the night early on.

You can call me all the names you like. It doesn't change the truth of the matter.

How are you able to read and reply with your head stuck so far up your own ass?

[Anonymous]

If it eased by 6 weeks it wasn't reflux ! Just admit you for an easy baby, not that you're some parenting swami. Damn. You had a six week old who slept through the night... That's pure luck, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"All my friends marveled at how well my child slept."

Sleep was the only way the poor kid could escape your nasty personality.

You're funny! Nope, plenty of family, friends, loving children, adoring husband. In fact, I just had a houseful of folks for the holidays. I'm honest, true, but not "nasty." And my friends would be among the first to tell you how impressed they were by my child's sleep habits.

The days are rough when a child doesn't sleep. And most parents can do more then they think to help in that regard (again -- not all). All I'm encouraging parents to do is their research before they throw in the towel and think things can't be different.

"And my friends would be among the first to tell you how impressed they were by my child's sleep habits. "

Your friends are easily impressed. Low IQs all around.

[Anonymous]

Ours was tense and sexless for a few yeats (sexless meaning sometimes as little as once a month) kids are now 8&5 and I feel like our martinis at an all time high. Plus the sex has gotten pretty wild and frequent. I'm so glad we stuck it out. There were dark days, but I would say that I'm so happy we stuck it out.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have been married for 6 years. DH and I have been through a lot of stressful things since then: job loss, miscarriages, infant loss/death, family loss/death, periods without sex, medical issues, depression, and a host of other things. We have been through a lot and came out OK.

But NOTHING has tested us like this lovely 6 month old baby girl that we have and adore.

Yes, it is tough. No, you are not alone. This is a season of new growing pains. Pain doesn't ALWAYS mean something is wrong. Sometimes you experience it when muscle is being built. Handle these years the right way and we will come out much happier later. I also researched divorce, apartments, and eventually got a therapist for objective perspective before making any major decision, which helped tremendously (along with Rx).

Ignoring the squabbles, I am considering some of the encouragement and constructive suggestions being shared in this thread valuable too.

[Anonymous]

Omg..my autocorrect is awful! Hopefully you can understand what I was getting at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ours was tense and sexless for a few yeats (sexless meaning sometimes as little as once a month) kids are now 8&5 and I feel like our martinis at an all time high. Plus the sex has gotten pretty wild and frequent. I'm so glad we stuck it out. There were dark days, but I would say that I'm so happy we stuck it out.

21:11 again. This is REALLY ENCOURAGING to read. I have never read of someone going from sexless to wild and frequent. This gives me hope!

[Anonymous]

With DC1, we were very focussed in meeting the demands of child rearing. Compounded by sleep deprivation, nursing and assorted childhood illnesses, it was difficult to do date nights. Clean laundry took precedence over cuddling. However, we enjoyed being bonded as parents and enjoyed our baby.

It was better the second time around. We were more chilled parents. And we made having sex a priority over doing household chores. Sex did not take too much time and after that we still cooked and cleaned. It just kept us connected as lovers, ever though parenting was our primary focus.

[Incognita]

My daughter just turned two, and it is already much better. I think mostly because she is so independent, which relieves a lot of pressure. The first 6 months were incredibly difficult. Primary reason, I was not getting any sleep. DH did not wake up in the night, ever. I was breast feeding and found it incredibly painful to pump, so I could never maintain a decent supply for him to bottle feed anyway. He didn't wake for support either. I was pissed off all the time as a result and he didn't see what was so horrible. A few times he tried to get up but would literally close his eyes within seconds.

Actually his sleeping is still a bit of a problem now, DD wakes up very early and I have to try to entertain her. However, when he is up/home he does clean up her messes. I get enough sleep now that I don't feel cranky all day long. Sex is almost daily, though we had some dry spells through the year for reasons other than DD. Her care is no longer the main factor in any argument, and arguments are seldom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ours was tense and sexless for a few yeats (sexless meaning sometimes as little as once a month) kids are now 8&5 and I feel like our martinis at an all time high. Plus the sex has gotten pretty wild and frequent. I'm so glad we stuck it out. There were dark days, but I would say that I'm so happy we stuck it out.

21:11 again. This is REALLY ENCOURAGING to read. I have never read of someone going from sexless to wild and frequent. This gives me hope!

I'm glad to help. Yes...we are at about 4 days a week and I can tell you it is NOT missionary. The demand had been so high that DH faked ED with his doctor just to get viagra so we he could cum more than once a night. It's not so easy for men after a certain age to cum 3xs in a night without assistance.

We are just in a good place and I've in particular learned to share my deepest fantasies and it has been very good for us.

[Anonymous]

It's been mostly great but nothing is perfect. DH and I made a commitment that we would never let the hardships of parenting and life ruin our relationship.

I am a former nanny and I have a ton of younger cousins so I saw a lot of trial and error. I knew to a certain extent what we were getting into! I think we lucked and with our hard work, DS slept through the night at 5 weeks. We hired a bi-weekly maid and meal service from the jump. He did the night routine for DS so we spent equal time with him. We worked as a team.

We promised to make time for one another even if it was for 5 minutes a day. The first few weeks were the hardest but it did get better the more DS slept and was on a predictable routine. We started spending most nights together and made time for a weekly date night. We had sex almost every night. DS is 2 and still a great sleeper.

We are expecting # 2 in March and I pray its as easy as the first.