Interfaith families raising Jewish kids -- talk to me about the December dilemma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question: in the past I have heard of parents wanting to light a menorah to expose their child to Hanukkah as a cultural/educational experience, but they were met with a lot of anger from Jewish celebrants.

Is this different?

It is inappropiate and minimizes what hannakah is about and how it is done. It is not a major holiday and has prayers and a meaning behind it. I would be very uncomfortable if some bragged they were doing it.

I get this completely. I'm Christian and I think it would be offensive for someone to play around with the parts of your religion for the experience/fun of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BTW..Easter/Passover is much more complicated to explain to a young child.

I actually find that Passover and Easter blend very well together. For one the Last Supper was a Passover Seder. We are Jewish and have celebrated Seder with very enthusiastic and observant Catholic guests.

The December worry I have is making sure my kids don't spoil Santa for other kids without my kids feeling left out. I dont want to tell my kids that Santa isnt real because they will say things to their friends but of ourse if they think Santa might be real theywill feel left out. We don't give very generous gifts for Hanukkah since the whole reason for the holiday is to celebrate Jews defeating forced conversion and the reason Jews give gifts is to be more like Christmas. But we can't let our kids feel that left out.

[Anonymous]

I am Christian. My brother is married to someone who is jewish and they are raising the kids jewish. They are teens now and all had bar mitzhahs, etc. they identify as Jewish.

But their parents let them do Santa Claus bc hey, why not, it was fun. It doesn't have to be religious, and I think it makes the kids like being Jewish with a Christian parent because they get to be Jewish but still have santa. Win win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTW..Easter/Passover is much more complicated to explain to a young child.

I actually find that Passover and Easter blend very well together. For one the Last Supper was a Passover Seder. We are Jewish and have celebrated Seder with very enthusiastic and observant Catholic guests.

The December worry I have is making sure my kids don't spoil Santa for other kids without my kids feeling left out. I dont want to tell my kids that Santa isnt real because they will say things to their friends but of ourse if they think Santa might be real theywill feel left out. We don't give very generous gifts for Hanukkah since the whole reason for the holiday is to celebrate Jews defeating forced conversion and the reason Jews give gifts is to be more like Christmas. But we can't let our kids feel that left out.

Yup, I believed in santa till my Jewish friend in second grade scoffed at me and told me santa wasn't real.....her dad tried to get her to stop midway thru the convo but no luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTW..Easter/Passover is much more complicated to explain to a young child.

I actually find that Passover and Easter blend very well together. For one the Last Supper was a Passover Seder. We are Jewish and have celebrated Seder with very enthusiastic and observant Catholic guests.

The December worry I have is making sure my kids don't spoil Santa for other kids without my kids feeling left out. I dont want to tell my kids that Santa isnt real because they will say things to their friends but of ourse if they think Santa might be real theywill feel left out. We don't give very generous gifts for Hanukkah since the whole reason for the holiday is to celebrate Jews defeating forced conversion and the reason Jews give gifts is to be more like Christmas. But we can't let our kids feel that left out.

Christian kids find out Santa is real at about age 7, so you don't have to keep the secret for long. Why not just let your Jewish kids think Santa is real and then tell them the true when the Christian kids find out.

Like the tooth fairy -- Jews have the Tooth fairy, right? There's no religious overtones there, but every kid eventually finds out about the tooth fairy, with no repercussions as far as I've ever heard.

It's just the big stories, that adults are supposed to believe, that cause problems -- like the Exodus and the resurrection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTW..Easter/Passover is much more complicated to explain to a young child.

I actually find that Passover and Easter blend very well together. For one the Last Supper was a Passover Seder. We are Jewish and have celebrated Seder with very enthusiastic and observant Catholic guests.

The December worry I have is making sure my kids don't spoil Santa for other kids without my kids feeling left out. I dont want to tell my kids that Santa isnt real because they will say things to their friends but of ourse if they think Santa might be real theywill feel left out. We don't give very generous gifts for Hanukkah since the whole reason for the holiday is to celebrate Jews defeating forced conversion and the reason Jews give gifts is to be more like Christmas. But we can't let our kids feel that left out.

Christian kids find out Santa is real at about age 7, so you don't have to keep the secret for long. Why not just let your Jewish kids think Santa is real and then tell them the true when the Christian kids find out.

Like the tooth fairy -- Jews have the Tooth fairy, right? There's no religious overtones there, but every kid eventually finds out about the tooth fairy, with no repercussions as far as I've ever heard.

It's just the big stories, that adults are supposed to believe, that cause problems -- like the Exodus and the resurrection.

Really? You want me to tell my kids that Santa is a real thing who gives awesome presents to everyone but my kids? I'm considerate and don't whatnot ess up your family's traditions, but I'm not going to make my kids sad to accommodate you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTW..Easter/Passover is much more complicated to explain to a young child.

I actually find that Passover and Easter blend very well together. For one the Last Supper was a Passover Seder. We are Jewish and have celebrated Seder with very enthusiastic and observant Catholic guests.

The December worry I have is making sure my kids don't spoil Santa for other kids without my kids feeling left out. I dont want to tell my kids that Santa isnt real because they will say things to their friends but of ourse if they think Santa might be real theywill feel left out. We don't give very generous gifts for Hanukkah since the whole reason for the holiday is to celebrate Jews defeating forced conversion and the reason Jews give gifts is to be more like Christmas. But we can't let our kids feel that left out.

Yup, I believed in santa till my Jewish friend in second grade scoffed at me and told me santa wasn't real.....her dad tried to get her to stop midway thru the convo but no luck!

Hilarious the tricks adults play on kids, but everyone gets over it in the end. At some level, you know some of these wild stories that defy nature can't be true, but as long as people are going along with it and there's a reward involved, some people will continue to believe. That Jewish kid would have believed in Santa if her parents had encouraged it, but you both would have given him up by around age 7 anyhow and if you hadn't, your parents would have actively discouraged it. After a while, that kind of belief isn't amusing anymore -- it's immature and parents would want to put a stop to it. Never heard of a kid believing in Santa past the age of seven, anyhow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTW..Easter/Passover is much more complicated to explain to a young child.

I actually find that Passover and Easter blend very well together. For one the Last Supper was a Passover Seder. We are Jewish and have celebrated Seder with very enthusiastic and observant Catholic guests.

The December worry I have is making sure my kids don't spoil Santa for other kids without my kids feeling left out. I dont want to tell my kids that Santa isnt real because they will say things to their friends but of ourse if they think Santa might be real theywill feel left out. We don't give very generous gifts for Hanukkah since the whole reason for the holiday is to celebrate Jews defeating forced conversion and the reason Jews give gifts is to be more like Christmas. But we can't let our kids feel that left out.

Christian kids find out Santa is real at about age 7, so you don't have to keep the secret for long. Why not just let your Jewish kids think Santa is real and then tell them the true when the Christian kids find out.

Like the tooth fairy -- Jews have the Tooth fairy, right? There's no religious overtones there, but every kid eventually finds out about the tooth fairy, with no repercussions as far as I've ever heard.

It's just the big stories, that adults are supposed to believe, that cause problems -- like the Exodus and the resurrection.

Really? You want me to tell my kids that Santa is a real thing who gives awesome presents to everyone but my kids? I'm considerate and don't whatnot ess up your family's traditions, but I'm not going to make my kids sad to accommodate you.

Make your kids happy -- tell them there is a Santa --- They'll figure out soon enough that he's just made up, just like the Christian kids do. Santa isn't part of the Christian religion -- he's just a made-up elf who brings presents. No harm in that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTW..Easter/Passover is much more complicated to explain to a young child.

I actually find that Passover and Easter blend very well together. For one the Last Supper was a Passover Seder. We are Jewish and have celebrated Seder with very enthusiastic and observant Catholic guests.

The December worry I have is making sure my kids don't spoil Santa for other kids without my kids feeling left out. I dont want to tell my kids that Santa isnt real because they will say things to their friends but of ourse if they think Santa might be real theywill feel left out. We don't give very generous gifts for Hanukkah since the whole reason for the holiday is to celebrate Jews defeating forced conversion and the reason Jews give gifts is to be more like Christmas. But we can't let our kids feel that left out.

Yup, I believed in santa till my Jewish friend in second grade scoffed at me and told me santa wasn't real.....her dad tried to get her to stop midway thru the convo but no luck!

And it all worked out in the end, I bet. No lasting scars, no hard feelings, probably a few laughs and most importantly, the gifts continued to roll in. If you had younger siblings, you probably kept the fantasy going for their sake, but if they continued to believe by third grade, let's say, there would have been an effort to set them straight.

[Anonymous]

Santa was destroyed for my child at age four by a fellow Christian pre-schooler. At that time, we discussed that Santa represented giving and kindness so he was real in a way. Then ( to keep it going for younger sib) we said it was a really fun game to play at Christmas so he could keep enjoying it. Now teens and still get presents from Santa. My point is I don't think non-Christians have an obligation to other families to make Santa real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Santa was destroyed for my child at age four by a fellow Christian pre-schooler. At that time, we discussed that Santa represented giving and kindness so he was real in a way. Then ( to keep it going for younger sib) we said it was a really fun game to play at Christmas so he could keep enjoying it. Now teens and still get presents from Santa. My point is I don't think non-Christians have an obligation to other families to make Santa real.

Exactly -- because Santa ISN'T real -- he's a kid's game for a short while, then everyone know's that he "just pretend."

Belief in Santa is incredibly different from true religious beliefs, which persist into adulthood with lots of encouragement from trusted adults to continuing believing, despite ongoing doubts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We celebrate both in our house too. DW was brougt up vaguely Catholic, I was brought up Jewish. We agreed to raise the kids Jewish, but DW wanted to keep the tradition of celebrating Christmas - and I don't blame her.

So we have a secular Christmas - a tree, ornaments, Christmas morning, Santa - the whole kit and kaboodle, but no Jesus. It's just a special time to create memories and be with family and appreciate everything we have.

But we go to Temple, kids have been Bar Mitzvahed, and we celebrate all the Jewish holidays.

The kids get it. They understand that they are Jewish kids, and a secular Christmas doesn't make them any less so.

Christmas and Chanukah both have their origins as pagan holidays anyway.

I wonder what your kids' families will be like -- I suspect even less Jewish, the way things are going.

Doubtful. her kids have a jewish identity. As has been said upthread, that's more predictive of their future identities than the degree to which they embrace Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question: in the past I have heard of parents wanting to light a menorah to expose their child to Hanukkah as a cultural/educational experience, but they were met with a lot of anger from Jewish celebrants.

Is this different?

It is inappropiate and minimizes what hannakah is about and how it is done. It is not a major holiday and has prayers and a meaning behind it. I would be very uncomfortable if some bragged they were doing it.

I get this completely. I'm Christian and I think it would be offensive for someone to play around with the parts of your religion for the experience/fun of it.

People have been "playing around" with religion from the beginning of time -- changing it (e.g. the various Christian denominations) adding on to an old religion to make new ones (e.g. Christianity and Islam are both add-ons to Judaism and Mormonism is an add-on to Christianity) and inventing new ones (scientology)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We celebrate both in our house too. DW was brougt up vaguely Catholic, I was brought up Jewish. We agreed to raise the kids Jewish, but DW wanted to keep the tradition of celebrating Christmas - and I don't blame her.

So we have a secular Christmas - a tree, ornaments, Christmas morning, Santa - the whole kit and kaboodle, but no Jesus. It's just a special time to create memories and be with family and appreciate everything we have.

But we go to Temple, kids have been Bar Mitzvahed, and we celebrate all the Jewish holidays.

The kids get it. They understand that they are Jewish kids, and a secular Christmas doesn't make them any less so.

Christmas and Chanukah both have their origins as pagan holidays anyway.

I wonder what your kids' families will be like -- I suspect even less Jewish, the way things are going.

Doubtful. her kids have a jewish identity. As has been said upthread, that's more predictive of their future identities than the degree to which they embrace Christmas.

As a adults, they may fail to embrace either religion. It happens to a lot of people. Also, one kid might stay in the faith and another might leave. That happens a lot too despite the fact that all kids were raised in the same home with the same set of beliefs. Personalities make a huge difference, and in countries like the US, where there is freedom of religion, many people change their beliefs and practices as they get older and are influenced by marrying outside of their family's faith -- as witnessed right here on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't have to be a big deal at all.

I'm catholic, DH is Jewish. Our kids are officially catholic (they were baptized, attend ccd, we go to mass). Our kids understand that dad is Jewish AND so are Grandma and Grandpa. We celebrate Hanukkah and all the other Jewish holidays with the grandparents. We also have some Hanukkah decorations in our home for dad...and honestly, for the rest of us. I guess you could say we're embracing an interfaith approach despite being officially catholic. You might consider doing the same...it doesn't make you less of a Jew (I certainly don't feel less catholic by having a menorah in my house).

thank goodness for change! a couple of generations ago a menorah in a Catholic home might have been grounds for ex-communication. It was fine to have Jewish friends, but observing their holidays or marrying one was verboten. But if the Jewish parent agreed to raise the kids Catholic (as you husband apparently did) then it was OK