government freeloading sister in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Families with an adult who has received federally funded assistance for a total of five years (or less at state option) are not eligible for cash aid under the TANF program.
States may extend assistance beyond 60 months to not more than 20 percent of their caseload. They may also elect to provide assistance to families beyond 60 months using state-only funds or Social Services Block Grants. "

Yes, in theory. The REALITY is that states are strapped for cash and eager to kick folks off the rolls. Trust me, no one is riding the welfare gravy train anymore. There aren't any welfare queens bilking the system. The money simply isn't there. If you don't believe me, go stand out in front of your local DSS and talk to folks. I did this for two years in some of the worst neighborhoods in Baltimore City (legal outreach to recipients in need of an attorney) -- it's heartbreaking. Please don't judge others -- you simply have no clue what life is like for these folks. Be grateful for everything you have.

That's right, and not only are states NOT providing this assistance, the system is set up to pit states against one another with most of them racing for the bottom; with state who provide the smallest amount of assistance hoping to drive needy families into another state.

I'm not necessarily talking about OP, who I think is voicing vexation and concern about a specific person, but how anyone on this board, given how lucky and blessed most of us are, think they are in a moral position to judge the impoverished among us rather than to reach out a hand to help them can sleep at night is beyond me. What do you care if a poor person chooses to buy a designer outfit for her child with the small amount of hand money she has? Instead of judging, be thankful every day that you personally will never have to make that choice.

The problem is that most people aren't grateful for what they have. They think they've earned it, even if they were born into the money, even if they were born into a culture, creed, race, or social demographic that made them more likely to succeed. And they lack human empathy for those who have a fraction of what they have.

I grew up with a mom who "gamed" the system. She was a sporadically at best working, thrice divorced woman with deep problems. She spent my dad's alimony checks on bingo (yes, really) and cigarettes and we moved from house to house to house, constantly being evicted or skipping out just before the hammer dropped. Food stamps, welfare, and free government cheese kept me alive as a child. Section 8 housing eventually kept a roof over my head (though it wasn't the best environment). I had little supervision in a very rough neighborhood and went to the worst schools you can imagine, where I got my ass kicked daily because none of the teachers gave enough of a shit to break up a fight, even when it was 2 or 3 on 1. My mom was sympathetic to my plight, but unable to get her shit together enough to do something about it. She was deeply depressed as long as I can remember. You might think she was also the scum of the Earth, but make no mistake, she had very few happy days. As we grew older, the rules changed and wefare was not so easy to get, so we moved more often and had fewer options -- homelessness became a real possibility -- my mom stayed with her sister and I was shipped off to my dad. Possibly because of the influence of my dad's side of the family, I managed to ecape the downward spiral but I see my two brothers, who came along 12 and 14 years later to a different father, have had a totally different experience. They are in their early twenties now and they are drowning already despite all of my best efforts to the contrary throughout their lives. I try to help and they try to help themselves but the system has failed them and there is only so much one person, with limited means myself, can do. Both of them dropped out of high school, one has a girlfriend that we're terrified will end up pregnant and the other has an addiction to heroin so deep that each time my phone rings at night I am frightened. Whose fault is all of this? 100 percent their own fault because some of the bad choices, yes, were their own? My mom "gamed" the system alright. She never worked a full year as long as I can remember. She was also clinically depressed and had borderline substance abuse problems. So did we kids deserve all of this? Did my brothers deserve no chance at anything better? The brother of mine with a heroin addiction started skipping school to smoke pot sometime around 6th grade. Now you look at your child and tell me that he has the same chance of success as my brother. You tell me that their situations are the same, and that my brother is the only one to blame for his plight. Then you judge.

Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Families with an adult who has received federally funded assistance for a total of five years (or less at state option) are not eligible for cash aid under the TANF program.
States may extend assistance beyond 60 months to not more than 20 percent of their caseload. They may also elect to provide assistance to families beyond 60 months using state-only funds or Social Services Block Grants. "

Yes, in theory. The REALITY is that states are strapped for cash and eager to kick folks off the rolls. Trust me, no one is riding the welfare gravy train anymore. There aren't any welfare queens bilking the system. The money simply isn't there. If you don't believe me, go stand out in front of your local DSS and talk to folks. I did this for two years in some of the worst neighborhoods in Baltimore City (legal outreach to recipients in need of an attorney) -- it's heartbreaking. Please don't judge others -- you simply have no clue what life is like for these folks. Be grateful for everything you have.

That's right, and not only are states NOT providing this assistance, the system is set up to pit states against one another with most of them racing for the bottom; with state who provide the smallest amount of assistance hoping to drive needy families into another state.

I'm not necessarily talking about OP, who I think is voicing vexation and concern about a specific person, but how anyone on this board, given how lucky and blessed most of us are, think they are in a moral position to judge the impoverished among us rather than to reach out a hand to help them can sleep at night is beyond me. What do you care if a poor person chooses to buy a designer outfit for her child with the small amount of hand money she has? Instead of judging, be thankful every day that you personally will never have to make that choice.

The problem is that most people aren't grateful for what they have. They think they've earned it, even if they were born into the money, even if they were born into a culture, creed, race, or social demographic that made them more likely to succeed. And they lack human empathy for those who have a fraction of what they have.

I grew up with a mom who "gamed" the system. She was a sporadically at best working, thrice divorced woman with deep problems. She spent my dad's alimony checks on bingo (yes, really) and cigarettes and we moved from house to house to house, constantly being evicted or skipping out just before the hammer dropped. Food stamps, welfare, and free government cheese kept me alive as a child. Section 8 housing eventually kept a roof over my head (though it wasn't the best environment). I had little supervision in a very rough neighborhood and went to the worst schools you can imagine, where I got my ass kicked daily because none of the teachers gave enough of a shit to break up a fight, even when it was 2 or 3 on 1. My mom was sympathetic to my plight, but unable to get her shit together enough to do something about it. She was deeply depressed as long as I can remember. You might think she was also the scum of the Earth, but make no mistake, she had very few happy days. As we grew older, the rules changed and wefare was not so easy to get, so we moved more often and had fewer options -- homelessness became a real possibility -- my mom stayed with her sister and I was shipped off to my dad. Possibly because of the influence of my dad's side of the family, I managed to ecape the downward spiral but I see my two brothers, who came along 12 and 14 years later to a different father, have had a totally different experience. They are in their early twenties now and they are drowning already despite all of my best efforts to the contrary throughout their lives. I try to help and they try to help themselves but the system has failed them and there is only so much one person, with limited means myself, can do. Both of them dropped out of high school, one has a girlfriend that we're terrified will end up pregnant and the other has an addiction to heroin so deep that each time my phone rings at night I am frightened. Whose fault is all of this? 100 percent their own fault because some of the bad choices, yes, were their own? My mom "gamed" the system alright. She never worked a full year as long as I can remember. She was also clinically depressed and had borderline substance abuse problems. So did we kids deserve all of this? Did my brothers deserve no chance at anything better? The brother of mine with a heroin addiction started skipping school to smoke pot sometime around 6th grade. Now you look at your child and tell me that he has the same chance of success as my brother. You tell me that their situations are the same, and that my brother is the only one to blame for his plight. Then you judge.

Shame on you.

I haven't posted yet but you are every bit as judgmental. So shame on you. Look, of course if you dissect every single story of folks on welfare, it is sad. Humans are human and of course most of us feel bad for their individual stories, and yes, kids who grow up in bad situations can't be blamed, etc. But I know plenty of my own damn family who freeload off my dad because (seriously) one is anorexic and so dropped out of college and can't work and because of her "low self esteem" moved in with her drug addicted boyfriend who can't hold a job. My dad doesn't just give them everything but sure, when their uninsured asses need emergency medical care he feels he has to pay. And that's money that MY KID could be using for college fund etc. Does that make me selfish? Sure. But I'm a mom and I want the most for my kid. So it does irk me.

We work hard (my husband and I) and sacrifice (no, not like some people) and save - and I know we are still very lucky, but that doesn't mean that I or anyone else in my situation on this board should feel ashamed. Please. I guess I could move to a one bedroom apartment and donate half my money to charity but that won't happen either. (And no I don't live in a mcmansion - a modest three bedroom that we work hard to pay for, and clean ourselves).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Families with an adult who has received federally funded assistance for a total of five years (or less at state option) are not eligible for cash aid under the TANF program.
States may extend assistance beyond 60 months to not more than 20 percent of their caseload. They may also elect to provide assistance to families beyond 60 months using state-only funds or Social Services Block Grants. "

Yes, in theory. The REALITY is that states are strapped for cash and eager to kick folks off the rolls. Trust me, no one is riding the welfare gravy train anymore. There aren't any welfare queens bilking the system. The money simply isn't there. If you don't believe me, go stand out in front of your local DSS and talk to folks. I did this for two years in some of the worst neighborhoods in Baltimore City (legal outreach to recipients in need of an attorney) -- it's heartbreaking. Please don't judge others -- you simply have no clue what life is like for these folks. Be grateful for everything you have.

That's right, and not only are states NOT providing this assistance, the system is set up to pit states against one another with most of them racing for the bottom; with state who provide the smallest amount of assistance hoping to drive needy families into another state.

I'm not necessarily talking about OP, who I think is voicing vexation and concern about a specific person, but how anyone on this board, given how lucky and blessed most of us are, think they are in a moral position to judge the impoverished among us rather than to reach out a hand to help them can sleep at night is beyond me. What do you care if a poor person chooses to buy a designer outfit for her child with the small amount of hand money she has? Instead of judging, be thankful every day that you personally will never have to make that choice.

The problem is that most people aren't grateful for what they have. They think they've earned it, even if they were born into the money, even if they were born into a culture, creed, race, or social demographic that made them more likely to succeed. And they lack human empathy for those who have a fraction of what they have.

I grew up with a mom who "gamed" the system. She was a sporadically at best working, thrice divorced woman with deep problems. She spent my dad's alimony checks on bingo (yes, really) and cigarettes and we moved from house to house to house, constantly being evicted or skipping out just before the hammer dropped. Food stamps, welfare, and free government cheese kept me alive as a child. Section 8 housing eventually kept a roof over my head (though it wasn't the best environment). I had little supervision in a very rough neighborhood and went to the worst schools you can imagine, where I got my ass kicked daily because none of the teachers gave enough of a shit to break up a fight, even when it was 2 or 3 on 1. My mom was sympathetic to my plight, but unable to get her shit together enough to do something about it. She was deeply depressed as long as I can remember. You might think she was also the scum of the Earth, but make no mistake, she had very few happy days. As we grew older, the rules changed and wefare was not so easy to get, so we moved more often and had fewer options -- homelessness became a real possibility -- my mom stayed with her sister and I was shipped off to my dad. Possibly because of the influence of my dad's side of the family, I managed to ecape the downward spiral but I see my two brothers, who came along 12 and 14 years later to a different father, have had a totally different experience. They are in their early twenties now and they are drowning already despite all of my best efforts to the contrary throughout their lives. I try to help and they try to help themselves but the system has failed them and there is only so much one person, with limited means myself, can do. Both of them dropped out of high school, one has a girlfriend that we're terrified will end up pregnant and the other has an addiction to heroin so deep that each time my phone rings at night I am frightened. Whose fault is all of this? 100 percent their own fault because some of the bad choices, yes, were their own? My mom "gamed" the system alright. She never worked a full year as long as I can remember. She was also clinically depressed and had borderline substance abuse problems. So did we kids deserve all of this? Did my brothers deserve no chance at anything better? The brother of mine with a heroin addiction started skipping school to smoke pot sometime around 6th grade. Now you look at your child and tell me that he has the same chance of success as my brother. You tell me that their situations are the same, and that my brother is the only one to blame for his plight. Then you judge.

Shame on you.

I haven't posted yet but you are every bit as judgmental. So shame on you. Look, of course if you dissect every single story of folks on welfare, it is sad. Humans are human and of course most of us feel bad for their individual stories, and yes, kids who grow up in bad situations can't be blamed, etc. But I know plenty of my own damn family who freeload off my dad because (seriously) one is anorexic and so dropped out of college and can't work and because of her "low self esteem" moved in with her drug addicted boyfriend who can't hold a job. My dad doesn't just give them everything but sure, when their uninsured asses need emergency medical care he feels he has to pay. And that's money that MY KID could be using for college fund etc. Does that make me selfish? Sure. But I'm a mom and I want the most for my kid. So it does irk me.

We work hard (my husband and I) and sacrifice (no, not like some people) and save - and I know we are still very lucky, but that doesn't mean that I or anyone else in my situation on this board should feel ashamed. Please. I guess I could move to a one bedroom apartment and donate half my money to charity but that won't happen either. (And no I don't live in a mcmansion - a modest three bedroom that we work hard to pay for, and clean ourselves).

I'm the poster you quoted. I have zero interest in your lifestyle, where you live, and how much money you donate. I simply think it's gross if you think it's okay to judge others in situations you don't understand. There is a human face and story to every soul on public assistance.

[Anonymous]

I didn't get a federal stimulus check, and I probably won't get any future ones, my income is over the limit. I didn't get a state property tax rebate check, my income is over the limit. Should I resent the people who do qualify for these government handouts?

[Anonymous]

Good for her!!! What is it exactly that pisses you off? She's 21 and pregnant and enjoying it and full of hopes and dreams. Do you really need to ruin it to her at this stage? Let her enjoy the dream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't get a federal stimulus check, and I probably won't get any future ones, my income is over the limit. I didn't get a state property tax rebate check, my income is over the limit. Should I resent the people who do qualify for these government handouts?

This is 1:20. I'm not sure if you are talking to me or not, but I didn't get a stimulus check either, for the same reason. I don't resent those who got the checks, though I didn't necessarily think that was the best way to stimulate the economy.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all of the posts so I don't know if OP provided any additional information about her SIL. If she's UNABLE to work for whatever reason or is still in school and has no income then it's appropriate that she would apply for benefits until her circumstances change. Remember, her income level must be pretty darn low for her to even be eligible for benefits. However, if she's able to work and just doesn't feel like it or just wants the luxury to be able to be home with her baby despite her lack of income, then I think it's unacceptable for her to apply for benefits. And it's completely unacceptable for her to spend this money on fancy designer clothing for her baby...That's NOT what these funds are allocated for.

If I'm remembering correctly, if she does receive benefits it will ultimately be mandatory for her to enroll in a job training program and subsidized child care will be available to her. The only way out of this is if she is having health issues and she will need to provide the welfare office with medical documentation. So OP's SIL is not likely to be able to take advantage of the system for too long, if this is indeed what she is doing.

If she thinks she will be receiving free diapers, she's mistaken. Local community agencies sometimes provide diapers, used clothing, etc as they have supplies available but that's not something she can depend on, especially now. If she is eligible for benefits she'll receive a monthly income, Medicaid, food stamps and forumula for her baby.

[Anonymous]

This forum is big on generalities. Not every aid recipient is a welfare queen. And not every aid recipient actually deserves it.

Sounds like OP's SIL is in the latter category. I used to think welfare was deserved all the way around, until I acquired my own sponging SIL. She actually lies to the disability folks.

However, I accept that some small number of spongers will benefit, for the greater good. There are also posters like the one above who remind us that kids are the innocent victims, and some parents are truly incapable. The kids who wouldn't have gotten food, for whom welfare has been the savior that has enabled her (if not her siblings) to become a productive member of society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Families with an adult who has received federally funded assistance for a total of five years (or less at state option) are not eligible for cash aid under the TANF program.
States may extend assistance beyond 60 months to not more than 20 percent of their caseload. They may also elect to provide assistance to families beyond 60 months using state-only funds or Social Services Block Grants. "

Yes, in theory. The REALITY is that states are strapped for cash and eager to kick folks off the rolls. Trust me, no one is riding the welfare gravy train anymore. There aren't any welfare queens bilking the system. The money simply isn't there. If you don't believe me, go stand out in front of your local DSS and talk to folks. I did this for two years in some of the worst neighborhoods in Baltimore City (legal outreach to recipients in need of an attorney) -- it's heartbreaking. Please don't judge others -- you simply have no clue what life is like for these folks. Be grateful for everything you have.

That's right, and not only are states NOT providing this assistance, the system is set up to pit states against one another with most of them racing for the bottom; with state who provide the smallest amount of assistance hoping to drive needy families into another state.

I'm not necessarily talking about OP, who I think is voicing vexation and concern about a specific person, but how anyone on this board, given how lucky and blessed most of us are, think they are in a moral position to judge the impoverished among us rather than to reach out a hand to help them can sleep at night is beyond me. What do you care if a poor person chooses to buy a designer outfit for her child with the small amount of hand money she has? Instead of judging, be thankful every day that you personally will never have to make that choice.

The problem is that most people aren't grateful for what they have. They think they've earned it, even if they were born into the money, even if they were born into a culture, creed, race, or social demographic that made them more likely to succeed. And they lack human empathy for those who have a fraction of what they have.

I grew up with a mom who "gamed" the system. She was a sporadically at best working, thrice divorced woman with deep problems. She spent my dad's alimony checks on bingo (yes, really) and cigarettes and we moved from house to house to house, constantly being evicted or skipping out just before the hammer dropped. Food stamps, welfare, and free government cheese kept me alive as a child. Section 8 housing eventually kept a roof over my head (though it wasn't the best environment). I had little supervision in a very rough neighborhood and went to the worst schools you can imagine, where I got my ass kicked daily because none of the teachers gave enough of a shit to break up a fight, even when it was 2 or 3 on 1. My mom was sympathetic to my plight, but unable to get her shit together enough to do something about it. She was deeply depressed as long as I can remember. You might think she was also the scum of the Earth, but make no mistake, she had very few happy days. As we grew older, the rules changed and wefare was not so easy to get, so we moved more often and had fewer options -- homelessness became a real possibility -- my mom stayed with her sister and I was shipped off to my dad. Possibly because of the influence of my dad's side of the family, I managed to ecape the downward spiral but I see my two brothers, who came along 12 and 14 years later to a different father, have had a totally different experience. They are in their early twenties now and they are drowning already despite all of my best efforts to the contrary throughout their lives. I try to help and they try to help themselves but the system has failed them and there is only so much one person, with limited means myself, can do. Both of them dropped out of high school, one has a girlfriend that we're terrified will end up pregnant and the other has an addiction to heroin so deep that each time my phone rings at night I am frightened. Whose fault is all of this? 100 percent their own fault because some of the bad choices, yes, were their own? My mom "gamed" the system alright. She never worked a full year as long as I can remember. She was also clinically depressed and had borderline substance abuse problems. So did we kids deserve all of this? Did my brothers deserve no chance at anything better? The brother of mine with a heroin addiction started skipping school to smoke pot sometime around 6th grade. Now you look at your child and tell me that he has the same chance of success as my brother. You tell me that their situations are the same, and that my brother is the only one to blame for his plight. Then you judge.

Shame on you.

I haven't posted yet but you are every bit as judgmental. So shame on you. Look, of course if you dissect every single story of folks on welfare, it is sad. Humans are human and of course most of us feel bad for their individual stories, and yes, kids who grow up in bad situations can't be blamed, etc. But I know plenty of my own damn family who freeload off my dad because (seriously) one is anorexic and so dropped out of college and can't work and because of her "low self esteem" moved in with her drug addicted boyfriend who can't hold a job. My dad doesn't just give them everything but sure, when their uninsured asses need emergency medical care he feels he has to pay. And that's money that MY KID could be using for college fund etc. Does that make me selfish? Sure. But I'm a mom and I want the most for my kid. So it does irk me.

We work hard (my husband and I) and sacrifice (no, not like some people) and save - and I know we are still very lucky, but that doesn't mean that I or anyone else in my situation on this board should feel ashamed. Please. I guess I could move to a one bedroom apartment and donate half my money to charity but that won't happen either. (And no I don't live in a mcmansion - a modest three bedroom that we work hard to pay for, and clean ourselves).

I'm the poster you quoted. I have zero interest in your lifestyle, where you live, and how much money you donate. I simply think it's gross if you think it's okay to judge others in situations you don't understand. There is a human face and story to every soul on public assistance.

But can't you see how hypocritical you are being? I only posted because you said "shame on you" which I feel is VERY JUDGMENTAL. Forget everything I else I posted. I just can't stand when people get on their high horse and JUDGE everyone else because their feeling about the situation is the only right one.