worried about my single and 35 year old sister
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Anonymous
Sorry, I'm not buying this. It's a good excuse for why you're single or not dating, but kind of unbelievable. Tick tock. Don't convince yourself so much that you "enjoy the freedom to pursue your own interests and hobbies" and miss out on the beauty of a spouse or family. |
Anonymous
I had like no boyfriends until late 20's. Got married at age 35 and had a kid at 37 and one at 41 (without any help). I'm not fat, but was very shy and introverted. So, large problems can be overcome. I met my husband online, but not on a dating site. I'm sure she's well aware of her problems and doesn't need to be told the obvious. If I had to do things over, I would have joined a dating site, but I was afraid to. It's slim pickins in the late 30's. The good ones are married, the good looking ones are gay.  Some men take more time to mature, like a fine wine. She needs to find one of those. I know a couple guys who got married and had kids around 40. I also know several other people who never married who otherwise seemed like good catches. Sometimes I think I was happier when I was single. I think her weight is to keep people at a distance. She probably could benefit from counseling because maybe she is an emotional eater. And a gym membership could do wonders too. She needs to find a man like yesterday, and get married in like 2 years. Or, at the latest in 5 years but then she may only be able to have one kid. Her weight is also an issue for being healthy and fit enough to carry a child and raise it. It requires lots of energy. She has other options: forget having kids, and just get married at any age she can, forget finding a man and go to a sperm bank, freeze her eggs for later on the off chance she finds a man, adopt a child, or forget having kids and finding a man and find a new life goal like world travel or physical fitness. And then "when you least expect it", she'll probably find a man and/or have a kid or two if she is lucky. At some point I realized it was better to try to get in a relationship and fail, than to not try at all. Instead of telling her what she needs to do, just let her talk to you about it. Be there for her and listen without pressuring her. Maybe life will not turn out the way you hope for her, but hopefully she can salvage some sort of happy existence one way or another. And another thing, more men will be available when they are divorced. She could find a divorced man that already has kids if she doesn't make it in time to have her own. All is not lost yet, but the main thing she needs to do is get healthy.
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Anonymous
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Try dealing with same situation of a sibling, but with mental health issue and parents both passed away.
OP's sis will be fine. |
Anonymous
| I'd suggest she attend a Meetup group. There are also dating sites for larger women. |
Anonymous
really? You are so rude! |
Anonymous
You don't have to "Buy it." There is no greater form of birth control, or greater argument against marriage, than these forums. |
Anonymous
| OP, I have a sister the same age who is still single. She's thin and attractive and since her last relationship 4 years ago, she's been on loads of online dates with no luck. Sometimes I think she needs to make a big change- maybe just move to a new city or go back to school for a masters. I think she's just living in an east coast city where the good catches ages 30+ aim for someone younger and a good number of the rest have issues. Sure, there are nice, stable guys her age and older out there, or some younger ones who wouldn't think twice about dating an older woman, but good luck finding them. Feels like a needle in a haystack I'm sure. Anyway, i know she's not thrilled with her situation but what can I do. I don't even know anyone to fix her up with. From what I gather she had a few possibilities 10 years ago and during college but passed them up. |
Anonymous
eh, I'm (very) happily married and I can see why marriage wouldn't be for everybody. I personally enjoyed being single when I was single. And when I met and fell in love with the right guy we lived together for some years before we got married (in my 30's) - no rush. |
Anonymous
Lol. |
Anonymous
And who is fretting about that? Op or Op's sis? I'm guessing that it's not Op's sis.. |
Anonymous
You don't buy how someone wouldn't want to get married or have kids? You must be new to these forums. And new to human life in general, apart from your Disney brethren. |
Anonymous
Not the OP, but it would take a whole hell of a lot more than playing matchmaker or encouraging me to set up an online profile to damage the relationship I have with my sister. OP's sister says she wants marriage and kids. How is this any different than encouraging someone to pursue other types of goals? |
Anonymous
| Maybe she likes her life. |
Anonymous
| OP, you sound like an asshole. MYOB. |
Anonymous
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OP is not an asshole. Her sister wants to get married and have kids, but she has not had a relationship in 15 years and is significantly overweight and is 35. Taken together, its a set of circumstances that are challenging. I am guessing that not being in a relationship and being overweight are linked for her, and not just in the obvious ways of limiting the pool of interested men. Perhaps being overweight is a way of protecting her from vulnerability. If she is unhappy with her relationship status, or her weight, or both, she should find a really excellent therapist. A dating service isn't going to do much if she's not internally ready.
As for stories of getting married later: well, I had relationships in my later 20s and early 30s, but had intimacy issues too, and instead of being overweight I was too thin, but the roots were similar (control issues). Did therapy in my early-mid 30s to figure out why I seemed unable to be in a normal, committed loving relationship, along with dealing with body issues. Transformed my life. Met my now DH when I was 37, had kids at 38 and 40 (but I have ucky genetics, my mom did not go into menopause until 58 and was fertile into her 40s). This would not have happened if I had not done the internal work. I changed how I felt about myself, changed the kinds of men I dated, and allowed myself to be truly vulnerable. |