Trying to understand my daughter......

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OP just doesn't like college-educated women who are stay at home wives or mothers.

I'd suggest OP look into why she loathes that part of the population so much and just focus on improving herself, herself. (this includes her unhealthy and judgmental attitudes towards others)

[Anonymous]

Time to land the helicopter, Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a nightmare. I am glad you are not my mother.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's an adult married woman and every one of your posts is all about things she "should" do.

In your opinion, she should do these things.

But again, she is an adult married woman so there are at least two other opinions that matter more than yours.

What you should do is butt out and appreciate her for who she is. Maybe if you stop trying to meddle in her life she'll let you in. Maybe she won't. But she sure as hell won't let you in if you're constantly criticizing and judging her.

I'm sorry but I think this is harsh. I get where op is coming from. If my now elementary aged daughter grows up to be someone's wife and that's it, I will feel I have failed her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's an adult married woman and every one of your posts is all about things she "should" do.

In your opinion, she should do these things.

But again, she is an adult married woman so there are at least two other opinions that matter more than yours.

What you should do is butt out and appreciate her for who she is. Maybe if you stop trying to meddle in her life she'll let you in. Maybe she won't. But she sure as hell won't let you in if you're constantly criticizing and judging her.

I'm sorry but I think this is harsh. I get where op is coming from. If my now elementary aged daughter grows up to be someone's wife and that's it, I will feel I have failed her.

That is YOUR issue. How do you not see that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's an adult married woman and every one of your posts is all about things she "should" do.

In your opinion, she should do these things.

But again, she is an adult married woman so there are at least two other opinions that matter more than yours.

What you should do is butt out and appreciate her for who she is. Maybe if you stop trying to meddle in her life she'll let you in. Maybe she won't. But she sure as hell won't let you in if you're constantly criticizing and judging her.

I'm sorry but I think this is harsh. I get where op is coming from. If my now elementary aged daughter grows up to be someone's wife and that's it, I will feel I have failed her.

That is YOUR issue. How do you not see that?

Maybe so, but it comes with parenthood. And if my son grows up to be someone's stay at home husband, and nothing else, I'll be pretty bummed too. I am raising my children to have interests and pursuits outside of another person, to contribute individually and not just to another individual, and to enrich their minds and hearts, whether professionally or for philanthropy. If I then raise kids with who don't share those values, fine, but I will admit that I do hope my kids define their personal happiness in a way other than by being someone's else's supported companion through this life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 25 year old daughter has not worked for the past year. I have no idea what she does with her days. She does have a great husband who supports her and they seem to be extremely happy and have a great relationship. When I ask her what her future plans are she says that she doesn't know. She says she is looking for a job and may go back to school, but she can't decide what she wants to do. When I ask her why it is taking her so long to find a job, she says it's because she does not want to work weekends or nights and there aren't many jobs that allow that without an education. I told her she should take any job she is offered, and she says she spends the weekends and evenings with her DH and doesn't want to take a job she hates. Now her husband adores her and I know he has life insurance, but I still worry about her. She had some learning disabilities growing up, but she overcame so much and graduated high school with a 3.8 GPA while taking AP classes. I know school is hard for her, but I also know she can do it and that she is very smart. What can I do or say to her to get her to do something with her life? At the very least she could become a stay at home mom and give me grand children, but she says they are never going to have kids and love being child free. My other kids are so driven and very successful, but she just seems to have no ambition.....

Ehm...okay. She's your daughter. You say she is 'extremely happy'. What more can a mother want for her child?!

[Anonymous]

So I love threads like this. Where people are so quick to criticize and call OP names even ("you are an absolute nightmare") and yet, if OP had described the exact scenario but the child was her SON and not a daughter, that son would be a "loser" and a "freeloader." The comments on here are totally sexist. Can no one see that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 25 year old daughter has not worked for the past year. I have no idea what she does with her days. She does have a great husband who supports her and they seem to be extremely happy and have a great relationship. When I ask her what her future plans are she says that she doesn't know. She says she is looking for a job and may go back to school, but she can't decide what she wants to do. When I ask her why it is taking her so long to find a job, she says it's because she does not want to work weekends or nights and there aren't many jobs that allow that without an education. I told her she should take any job she is offered, and she says she spends the weekends and evenings with her DH and doesn't want to take a job she hates. Now her husband adores her and I know he has life insurance, but I still worry about her. She had some learning disabilities growing up, but she overcame so much and graduated high school with a 3.8 GPA while taking AP classes. I know school is hard for her, but I also know she can do it and that she is very smart. What can I do or say to her to get her to do something with her life? At the very least she could become a stay at home mom and give me grand children, but she says they are never going to have kids and love being child free. My other kids are so driven and very successful, but she just seems to have no ambition.....

you are a nightmare and i'm so glad not my mom or mil!

Why am I a nightmare? I just want her to have some purpose in her life. It can be kids or a career, but I think she should do something!

You mentioned learning disabilities. Some kids are just not cut out for college or a job. If my Aspie kid ever gets married, I would be thrilled. But I'm assuming he will not so we're pushing through college to make sure he can self-support, but it's not easy. Some LD kids just can't do college. count your blessings mom!

[Anonymous]

Back off!! let her live her life!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I love threads like this. Where people are so quick to criticize and call OP names even ("you are an absolute nightmare") and yet, if OP had described the exact scenario but the child was her SON and not a daughter, that son would be a "loser" and a "freeloader." The comments on here are totally sexist. Can no one see that?

I can't speak for the other posters, but my attitude is the same regardless of the child's gender - if the child is happy and not a drain on society, I don't particularly care if he/she is a nuclear physicist, a parent of ten or just a happy house-spouse. FWIW, one of my uncles is a house husband and has been one for decades despite his phd and nobody in the family cares or looks down on him because that sort of thing seems to work for him and his high-powered-career wife. OP should realize that her goals and views do not define her daughter and let it go as the daughter seems quite happy.

[Anonymous]

She is only 25. Please give her time op to figure things out. Many people don't have it figured out until their 30s. Yes she's married but she is still young and there is plenty of time to figure out jobs and kids

[Anonymous]

She is only 25. Please give her time op to figure things out. Many people don't have it figured out until their 30s. Yes she's married but she is still young and there is plenty of time to figure out jobs and kids

[Anonymous]

OP ~ You have NO role here. Your daughter is an independent adult. You can choose to view her critically just as you would any other person. Maybe you can't relate, to her choices. Maybe you don't have enough of a similar outlook on life to feel close.

Just because you birthed-her - this gives you no special privilege to be rude, or to openly criticize her. Keep your opinions to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's an adult married woman and every one of your posts is all about things she "should" do.

In your opinion, she should do these things.

But again, she is an adult married woman so there are at least two other opinions that matter more than yours.

What you should do is butt out and appreciate her for who she is. Maybe if you stop trying to meddle in her life she'll let you in. Maybe she won't. But she sure as hell won't let you in if you're constantly criticizing and judging her.

I'm sorry but I think this is harsh. I get where op is coming from. If my now elementary aged daughter grows up to be someone's wife and that's it, I will feel I have failed her.

That is YOUR issue. How do you not see that?

Maybe so, but it comes with parenthood. And if my son grows up to be someone's stay at home husband, and nothing else, I'll be pretty bummed too. I am raising my children to have interests and pursuits outside of another person, to contribute individually and not just to another individual, and to enrich their minds and hearts, whether professionally or for philanthropy. If I then raise kids with who don't share those values, fine, but I will admit that I do hope my kids define their personal happiness in a way other than by being someone's else's supported companion through this life.

You make her point exactly its all about YOU in this post and what you want for your kids to be exactly what YOU want. People are so much more than their profession or what they do at one point in time in their lives. I hope you can see that in your own children as adults, truly I do.