i think my best friend married the wrong person- can anyone relate?

[Anonymous]

If your friend calls asking for advice, I think you switch it around and ask her what she wants to happen and what advice she would give her daughter i(if she had a daughter) in the same situation or what advice she would give you. How does she imagine the future if things get worse, amplify the issues plus they have two kids under 5 and a dog. Would she still make the same decisions without any big regrets? Isn't it like a therapist won't tell you what to do, but get you to come to your own decision so you feel at peace with the decision as well as any consequences?

I think deep down, your friend knows what she plans to do and wants to feel better about her decision. Is she going to leave her husband over these issues, no not at this stage for sure. Will this prevent her from having kids until they can work these things out, doesn't appear to be slowing down that train. If husband is not willing to go to couples counseling and she doesn't see this as a big enough issue to force the issue the only two things in her control are to go to individual counseling to help her navigate her husband's behavior and lack of backbone with his parents and delay having children until she feels more solid about the situation. I have lots of friends that are divorcing. I don't know if any could go back in a time machine if they would have chosen not to marry their spouse and and/or not have children with said spouse because they knew they would be divorced by the time the kids were in late elementary school. I think they can't imagine not having the kids they have, there was happiness in the courtship and usually at some point in the marriage, and there was never a guaranteed future of finding someone more compatible. And there was at least a naive hope, that there could be enough compromise that the marriage would work out.

[Anonymous]

This was a very thoughtful insightful response, thank you!