My husband just hit me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older experienced male that has never figured out the abuse pattern thing. I have taken a position on it though.

Long story made short.
A BF had his live-in GF in the front yard at 2 am. Had her by the hair with a .45 magnum pointed at her head threatening to kill you "bitch" blah blah blah .
I heard this thru my window, ran outside nude other than underwear. Was fresh out of the military with combat experience with a LOT of gun experience. Grabbed my gun and ran up to within perhaps 30 ft where I could pick him off. Told him to freeze or I'd kill him. I didn't have to kill him, but many times since thought perhaps I should have. I took her to a female friends house till the cops arrived. She left her BF for maybe a wk. Moved back in with him. That's when my attitude completely changed.

Another incident.
Walking out of upper end Country Club Restaurant next night after my wife and I were married. A couple were arguing in parking lot. He had her arm twisted behind her back crying. We walked right by. My wife and I haven't spoken about it all these years. I think she lost a little respect for me. I OTOH was so demoralized from the first incident, that I just couldn't stomach getting involved knowing it would do no good in the long run. Knowing that the woman chose him and will likely continue to choose him.

I'm sorry ladies. I just can't get involved anymore to protect you and put myself at risk knowing it will do no good. I'm really really sorry. I do feel bad about it.

OTOH, if you're a woman that's being attacked by a stranger, then I will risk everything including my life to protect you, under any circumstance at all. I will be the first man in the parking lot to jump all over his shit.

I don't get this attitude. Do good for the sake off doing good. Not to get rewarded by someone else's changed behavior.

[Anonymous]

Family justice Center in Rockville

http://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/fjc/

[Anonymous]

Then again, if knocking the cellphone out of your hands is the extent of him hitting you .........

Well, then I think separating 3 young kids from their father is going way to far

Its the husband who claims he was only knocking the phone out of her hands and didn't hit her, but I believe OP. I also think the verbal threats of him putting her head through the wall is absolutely enough to separate young kids from their father--and from this toxic atmosphere.

I'm so sorry OP. I think your email laid out some of the very real reasons people are loathe to call the police--but i am glad you are working on the protective order and a plan for safe separation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older experienced male that has never figured out the abuse pattern thing. I have taken a position on it though.

Long story made short.
A BF had his live-in GF in the front yard at 2 am. Had her by the hair with a .45 magnum pointed at her head threatening to kill you "bitch" blah blah blah .
I heard this thru my window, ran outside nude other than underwear. Was fresh out of the military with combat experience with a LOT of gun experience. Grabbed my gun and ran up to within perhaps 30 ft where I could pick him off. Told him to freeze or I'd kill him. I didn't have to kill him, but many times since thought perhaps I should have. I took her to a female friends house till the cops arrived. She left her BF for maybe a wk. Moved back in with him. That's when my attitude completely changed.

Another incident.
Walking out of upper end Country Club Restaurant next night after my wife and I were married. A couple were arguing in parking lot. He had her arm twisted behind her back crying. We walked right by. My wife and I haven't spoken about it all these years. I think she lost a little respect for me. I OTOH was so demoralized from the first incident, that I just couldn't stomach getting involved knowing it would do no good in the long run. Knowing that the woman chose him and will likely continue to choose him.

I'm sorry ladies. I just can't get involved anymore to protect you and put myself at risk knowing it will do no good. I'm really really sorry. I do feel bad about it.

OTOH, if you're a woman that's being attacked by a stranger, then I will risk everything including my life to protect you, under any circumstance at all. I will be the first man in the parking lot to jump all over his shit.

I don't get this attitude. Do good for the sake off doing good. Not to get rewarded by someone else's changed behavior.

He did. He risked his own life to possibly save hers and she went back to the asshole. I don't understand why women go back to their abusers either.

[Anonymous]

Hugs OP. So sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an older experienced male that has never figured out the abuse pattern thing. I have taken a position on it though.

Long story made short.
A BF had his live-in GF in the front yard at 2 am. Had her by the hair with a .45 magnum pointed at her head threatening to kill you "bitch" blah blah blah .
I heard this thru my window, ran outside nude other than underwear. Was fresh out of the military with combat experience with a LOT of gun experience. Grabbed my gun and ran up to within perhaps 30 ft where I could pick him off. Told him to freeze or I'd kill him. I didn't have to kill him, but many times since thought perhaps I should have. I took her to a female friends house till the cops arrived. She left her BF for maybe a wk. Moved back in with him. That's when my attitude completely changed.

Another incident.
Walking out of upper end Country Club Restaurant next night after my wife and I were married. A couple were arguing in parking lot. He had her arm twisted behind her back crying. We walked right by. My wife and I haven't spoken about it all these years. I think she lost a little respect for me. I OTOH was so demoralized from the first incident, that I just couldn't stomach getting involved knowing it would do no good in the long run. Knowing that the woman chose him and will likely continue to choose him.

I'm sorry ladies. I just can't get involved anymore to protect you and put myself at risk knowing it will do no good. I'm really really sorry. I do feel bad about it.

OTOH, if you're a woman that's being attacked by a stranger, then I will risk everything including my life to protect you, under any circumstance at all. I will be the first man in the parking lot to jump all over his shit.

I don't get this attitude. Do good for the sake off doing good. Not to get rewarded by someone else's changed behavior.

He did. He risked his own life to possibly save hers and she went back to the asshole. I don't understand why women go back to their abusers either.

FYI, at least call the police on these situations. You don't need to be superman but do call the authorities, please.

[Anonymous]

OP, sending you hugs and support. You're a good mom doing what you can for you and your kids. Good for you for doing the protective order. That's important. Be sure to let the schools know that you've done that. It's doubtful that he would do anything, but they should be aware. I've worked at shelters and the most dangerous time for a woman is when she tries to leave. As PP's have said, have a plan.
For those who don't understand why a woman returns, look up the Cycle of Abuse, and check out the hashtags #whyistayed and #whyileft.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, weird jump to calling his mother after 11pm to talk some sense into him. What???

She posted at 1:47 pm. So that already isn't true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, weird jump to calling his mother after 11pm to talk some sense into him. What???

She posted at 1:47 pm. So that already isn't true

Yeah, I'm trying to figure that out. The post is from today. It's only 10:36 right now but she says her spouse came home at 11 P.M. I was lost after the first sentence due to the HUGE timeline problem.

[Anonymous]

This is OP...for those of you who referred to a "timeline" problem...you're idiots...there is no timeline problem. My husband came home at 11 pm last night and it was around that time that this episode started. I believe I wrote the post at 1:47 AM which was today, but nearly 24 hours ago. Honestly, what kind of people do you socialize with that you think someone would make-up being abused and degraded? If the post was too complicated for you to follow, you should have just checked out and gone to another thread...why post any reply?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, weird jump to calling his mother after 11pm to talk some sense into him. What???

She posted at 1:47 pm. So that already isn't true

Yeah, I'm trying to figure that out. The post is from today. It's only 10:36 right now but she says her spouse came home at 11 P.M. I was lost after the first sentence due to the HUGE timeline problem.

The forum is on military time. She posted in the morning. Not 13:47.

[Anonymous]

This particular story sounds fishy to me. Just doesn't feel right for some reason.

[Anonymous]

I am pretty sure you know the obvious answer to this question OP.

Leave him.

However this is not a simple task.

Considering you have a family to think about here, this will take some planning.

I think you should not let on to your husband that you plan on leaving him. If you do, he will most definitely try to stop you. He may apologize and treat you much better which may soften your heart as he cries and promises to never hurt you again. Or he may threaten you physical or financial harm if you leave him and he also may threaten to hurt your children.

So form a plan and keep things on the down low. Hopefully you have a very strong support system in place and if possible, some legal support as well.

After careful orchestration, hopefully you can get your family out safely.

I do not know what area of town you live in, so I will leave that up to the locals on here. Hopefully you can get some excellent referrals for resources.

Keep your chin up and stay strong for those children.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Op, good luck and get the heck out of there. I would never live with a man who made threats like that and hurt me. It doesn't matter about drop offs/pick ups and the like. You'll figure that out. Those kids don't deserve to live in a house with a messed up relationship. I hope he gets help and I hope you do too. Take care of yourself!!

[Anonymous]

As soon as you can, call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. They won't make you do anything, they won't tell anyone, and you can hang up at any time. They will just talk with you and help do decide what to do. See www.thehotline.org for more information.