Is it rude to decline food or drinks when you are a guest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a cleaning lady. My boss is constantly offering me food. I can't do your laundry and eat. I'm more interested in doing my job and leaving and not sitting around and eating grapes with you.

Wow! She is treating you so badly. Tell her next time to start treating you like the maid and not a guest. That bloody bitch!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think I am the pushy mom who will keep offering food and drink to guests. I just want to make sure that I have not neglected my guests. (Besides I really do like my guests!)

However, I am fine if someone says that they just want water, because then I have done my duty as a hostess and seen to their comfort. I am also fine if someone says that they will help themselves if they need something, because then I feel that they are comfortable enough in my house to do so.

I have so many friends who cannot drink milk or milk products, juice, cola, caffeine, sugar, splenda - etc. that frankly there is not much I can offer but water! Now, if I could lay my hands of fresh green coconuts...that would be a game-changer.

Same here. As long as I've offered I feel I've done my part, though I admit I feel better if I can at least give them some water. I don't know why. Some weird hostess impulse I suppose. That said, I don't always want something at other people's houses and I know the same is true for everyone.

But back to OP's question, no, it isn't "rude" unless done in a rude way (won't eat anything the host/ess serves at a dinner party, for example).

[Anonymous]

If this has happened more than once -- where she offered, you declined, she offered a 2nd or 3rd time and you accepted -- you've now set a precedent. She may feel that you are not "comfortable" enough accepting food/drink initially but later on in the visit, you will accept so she keeps asking.

Eat/drink or don't -- but be consistent. Once you've said no, don't change your mind. Or just go with the usual social graces and have something right up front -- you can ask for a soda, water, whatever and that'll probably get her to stop asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend and every time I am at her home she is non stop asking if I want food, drinks, etc. I say no thanks but she keeps offering until I finally say "yes I'll have a piece of watermelon".

It is not rude to decline food/drinks, though of course it's all in how you say it. If this is a close friend of yours and you feel comfortable bringing it up, you can ask her if she feels uncomfortable when you aren't eating/drinking anything.

My mother is like this. I think it is because she is excitable and anxious and a people pleaser. She thinks making people comfortable involves serving them. She doesn't realize that she in fact is making people uneasy with her servile behavior and that people would be much more comfortable if she could sit down, relax, and just BE with them.

[Anonymous]

I really is rude and cheap to NOT offer anything. We sit at MIL's and gnaw on carrot sticks like a bunch of rodents.

Weirdness.