Is it rude to decline food or drinks when you are a guest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm from the midwest. I was raised to offer food/drink to guests and even if they declined, we were to provide a beverage. My parents are children of the Depression. They and their families remember difficult times when people didn't always have enough to eat. There was a real reluctance to acknowledge you didn't have enough food. To spare your guest embarassent, you were to offer food and whether it was accepted or not, you were to provide your guest with something. Guests were free to partake or not. If the ate/drank all the food, you always refilled the plate/glass until your guest didn't finish what he had.

I think this is a common tradition in cultures that remember hunger/need/want. I didn't experience times of hunger but I do remember people not having enough money because of unemployment. It's why I was taught not to open presents at birthday parties because you wouldn't want to embarrass a guest who provided a more modest gift or didn't bring one at all. My parents and grandparents insisted birthday parties were for fun and socializing, not presents. No one was to be embarrassed because they didn't have enough money for a present or to feel pressured to spend money they couldn't spare.

I'm teaching my kids these same lessons because they're good life lessons. Not everyone, even in this affluent area, has enough.

+ 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is because everyone else's kitchen is a germ farm, right?

Just accept the cup of tea, for God's sake, and take a couple sips. It won't kill you to be kind.

No, it's because I don't feel the need to have a snack at every juncture. Her kitchen is very clean, but I just don't need to be eating or drinking at all times.

[Anonymous]

My DH was taught to decline offers of food or drink three times before accepting. MIL drives me nuts because she doesn't believe me when I decline (or I guess I have to decline three times). I definitely prefer the say what you want or don't want and have the host accept the answer approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from the midwest. I was raised to offer food/drink to guests and even if they declined, we were to provide a beverage. My parents are children of the Depression. They and their families remember difficult times when people didn't always have enough to eat. There was a real reluctance to acknowledge you didn't have enough food. To spare your guest embarassent, you were to offer food and whether it was accepted or not, you were to provide your guest with something. Guests were free to partake or not. If the ate/drank all the food, you always refilled the plate/glass until your guest didn't finish what he had.

I think this is a common tradition in cultures that remember hunger/need/want. I didn't experience times of hunger but I do remember people not having enough money because of unemployment. It's why I was taught not to open presents at birthday parties because you wouldn't want to embarrass a guest who provided a more modest gift or didn't bring one at all. My parents and grandparents insisted birthday parties were for fun and socializing, not presents. No one was to be embarrassed because they didn't have enough money for a present or to feel pressured to spend money they couldn't spare.

I'm teaching my kids these same lessons because they're good life lessons. Not everyone, even in this affluent area, has enough.

+ 1.

+1

I can't believe how ignorant some of these posts are. How backwoods are these people, to be insulted at a guest offering you hospitality, no matter how small? For shame, do you have parents?

[Anonymous]

Why would you sit there refusing multiple offers of food and drink, knowing she will keep asking, when you could just accept the watermelon from the start?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is because everyone else's kitchen is a germ farm, right?

Just accept the cup of tea, for God's sake, and take a couple sips. It won't kill you to be kind.

No, it's because I don't feel the need to have a snack at every juncture. Her kitchen is very clean, but I just don't need to be eating or drinking at all times.

You definitely have an issue with food. My MIL is the same, she gets hostile about food. She is a victim of the Depression, and food is not to be discussed, celebrated, anything. Unless you talk about how it is all finished (because she didn't make enough). She is missing out on a lot.

[Anonymous]

Shouldn't this discussion be moved to "Today's First World Problems"?

I visited a friend and she offered me a glass of water. That bitch!

[Anonymous]

Some people feel the need to feed.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I don't have an issue with food. I love talking to my friends about recipes and other food topics. It just seems to me that if I don't want to eat because I'm full or whatever, I shouldn't have to take you up on your offer. I can walk in my own kitchen and not eat because I'm not hungry. Why is it that in someone else's house that is offensive?

[Anonymous]

I'm a cleaning lady. My boss is constantly offering me food. I can't do your laundry and eat. I'm more interested in doing my job and leaving and not sitting around and eating grapes with you.

[Anonymous]

"That's so nice of you to offer; could I just bother you for a glass of tap water?"

[Anonymous]

You don't need to be eating and drinking continually, but when you are a guest in someone's home, you should be a good guest and accepting a glass of water if the host seems uncomfortable when you decline!

Jeez, people. Learn a few social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to be eating and drinking continually, but when you are a guest in someone's home, you should be a good guest and accepting a glass of water if the host seems uncomfortable when you decline!

Jeez, people. Learn a few social skills.

+1

Social skills are not this crowds strong point, have you noticed? Sad part is, they are proud of it.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

I do the same in my house. But when someone declines what I offer, I let it go. Why is it socially tacky to decline a beverage or food but it is acceptable to keep offering things to someone who doesn't want it.

[Anonymous]

If the signs I see at the store are correct, they have gluten-free water now. Which is great, but I kind of miss the fat-free water you used to be able to find in the '90s.