Reply to Does your spouse have a best friend who is of the opposite sex?

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[quote=Anonymous]NP, I wouldn't say my DH has a best friend of opposite sex (nor do I have a best friend of opposite sex), but we both have friends of opposite sex AND we are both still friends with several exes.  And we are both totally fine with it.

Why are we fine with it?  Because if either of us really wanted to be with one of those other people, we would have chosen them over each other.  Neither of us has "new" opposite sex friends - these are all people we knew before meeting each other.  I might pause if it was a new friend.  We both meet a lot of people through our work, and usually if we meet someone new who's cool but opposite sex, we suggest they get together with both of us (or just figure out when they can meet the same sex spouse) and take it from there.  Hot women often talk to my DH, and I'm ok with that, but if they claim to want to have a playdate (if they're single moms) or they want to know more about something, he always gives them MY number or email and suggests they talk to me.  I do the same if it's a guy I dont know well who is obviously flirting but is asking for specific info or wants to socialize.  I give him my DH's number and say "Oh, you'd love my DH, you should get together with him."

Back to the friends/exes though, the longest relationship I had before DH, that guy got married and I sat next to the woman he dated between me and his now wife at the wedding.  I think where everyone is an adult and the split was basically mutual (or at least mature and not about something awful), there's no reason you can't still be friends.  The person was good enough to sleep with and spend oodles of time with, why are they not a good person anymore just because you're not romantic?

And even with the sex, and the exes where sex was great, I have no interest in risking my marriage and DH feels the same (although he's more likely to just avoid any friends or exes he actually feels attracted to).  And I support that he knows the difference and steers clear of trouble spots.

It's a big world.  Someone who is unhappy or unfaithful will find trouble whether it is with a "friend" or someone you know nothing about.  I focus on healthy relationships all around, steer clear of unhealthy ones, and I don't worry that DH has female friends, most of whom I've met and some of whom are now my friends too.  DH has met almost all of my exes and all of my good male friends, and he's friends with some of them now too.

I just don't see why anyone would have a "no friends of opposite sex" rule, because that feels like there's a lot of insecurity and distrust there and that seems like a much bigger issue...[/quote]

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