How long should a 12 year old spend in the shower?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:can't believe how many people allow their children to take long showers. I am absolutely shocked that so many people mentioned taking showers lasting up to 20 minutes or even longer.

I wash my hair and sometimes shave my underarms and I am still out in less than 10 minutes. That has been my pattern my whole life starting from when the well at home would literally "run dry" if you wasted too much water.

Don't people realize that there is a severe water shortage in many areas of the country?

There are several areas that have a limit on new subdivisions being built because of the limited water available.

My son lives in California and chastises us if we flush the toilet too often when we visit (and he is much more lenient than many of his friends regarding water usage). If I took a 30 minute shower he would probably think that I was single handedly trying to keep drinking water from his family or irrigation water from the farmers trying to raise food to feed America.

So, he is weird. So what?

LOL

[Anonymous]

I think this is a perverted troll. Watching children in the shower, talking about tween girls walking around naked etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only imagine if a father said he lay in bed and watched his children shower through the glass door to see what they did in the shower.

OMG this is one creepy and obsessive mother. She sounds nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a perverted troll. Watching children in the shower, talking about tween girls walking around naked etc...

Might be

[Anonymous]

Install a smaller water heater that will run out of hot water quicker.

[Anonymous]

Not a troll. Really. I have posted here before about my twin daughters. We are older parents who had biological children over 20 years ago (four bio kids) and we adopted these girls when they were infants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a troll. Really. I have posted here before about my twin daughters. We are older parents who had biological children over 20 years ago (four bio kids) and we adopted these girls when they were infants.

Then CPS and the police should be involved. Just as they should if your husband watched the girls shower and walk around naked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a troll. Really. I have posted here before about my twin daughters. We are older parents who had biological children over 20 years ago (four bio kids) and we adopted these girls when they were infants.

Then CPS and the police should be involved. Just as they should if your husband watched the girls shower and walk around naked.

Wow. What is CPS worthy about my post. I do not regularly watch her. I HAVE watched her to see why on earth she is in the shower for 20+ minutes and coming out unclean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a troll. Really. I have posted here before about my twin daughters. We are older parents who had biological children over 20 years ago (four bio kids) and we adopted these girls when they were infants.

Then CPS and the police should be involved. Just as they should if your husband watched the girls shower and walk around naked.

Wow. What is CPS worthy about my post. I do not regularly watch her. I HAVE watched her to see why on earth she is in the shower for 20+ minutes and coming out unclean.

I am not the CPS poster but it did cross my mind that you should be assessed.

[Anonymous]

What is the big deal that you are making such a stink online?

http://www.city-data.com/forum/parenting/2163027-how-long-should-12-year-old.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Some very hostile comments.

I will clear a few things up.

We are getting ready for the new school year and wanting to work out any kinks before school starts for a smoother transition for her.

Up till now she has been allowed to stand in the shower as long as she wants which is usually 20+ minutes. We think that is too long. There is very little time for the water to get right temp and I would never expect anybody to get in the shower before hot water kicks in. and that amount of time does not include drying off or getting dressed or drying her hair.

I don't watch her.
I have watched her to see what she is doing to take so long. That is when I noticed her standing in a trance still at 15-20 minutes without even soaping up, washing her hair or rinsing off. So then she feels pressured to do all that in 5 minutes.
She has just gotten out of a full 8 or 9 hours of sleep so I don't think she needs to relax. She needs to WAKE UP and start her day.

She has no privacy concerns. I wish she did. Even though she is just beginning to get breast buds and is aware of them she makes no effort to cover up with a towel or get fully in her clothes in front of the rest of the family. I've talked to her about modesty and the fact she is a developing young women she doesn't seem to understand. When school starts she will be undressing (somewhat) in front of other girls for PE and I've told her she should turn around and be modest and not be looking at the other girls. This will be a new experience for her. She and her sister share a very large bedroom(by choice) and they are naked in front of each other every day. I only see her naked when she walks out of the shower to ask a question or to talk to me. I always remind her to cover up.

We are teaching our kids to be respectful of the rest of the family, time management and also to not be wasteful of anything really. We recycle, have a compost pile and a rain barrel for the small veggie garden.

You sound very overbearing. Why do you feel such a need to micromanage this kid? Are you the same way with her sister? Let her shower in peace. Some people need a cup of coffee and a newspaper to wake up in the morning, some just need a longer shower. It's great that you recycle, but I'm sure if we went over your life with a fine-tooth comb we could find some way you could reduce your carbon footprint but choose not to. Let her walk around the house naked if that's what feels natural to her. You're her parents. Let her figure out how modest she wants to be in front of her friends. There is really no need for specific instructions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is this the only shower in your home?

In any house I've ever lived, there's not enough water heat to extend to two bathrooms. Plus, sending her off to her own bathroom does nothing to teach her about consideration for others and water conservation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the big deal that you are making such a stink online?

http://www.city-data.com/forum/parenting/2163027-how-long-should-12-year-old.html

ding ding, freak-o-meter going off.

[Anonymous]

This girl is already conserving water by choosing to take a shower rather than a bath. Well, if she's taking 20 minute showers, her water usage is likely about the same as it would be if she took a bath; though it might STILL be even less than a bath as it seems OP's showerhead emits less water per minute than most. So she's hardly single-handedly creating a water shortage

My advise to OP FWIW:
1) Tell her that on school days, she can take up to 15 minutes in the shower in the morning & if she'd like to take a longer shower, she needs to shower in the evenings (& be done in time to go to bed at her normal time so that it doesn't affect her sleep).
2)Let her shower for however long she choses to on the weekends (provided she doesn't have anyplace she needs to be by a certain time that morning ). It sounds like showering is a means of relaxation/decompression/contemplation for her & I don't think it's worth completely depriving her of that in order to save a few extra gallons of water a week. Adolescence is a stressful time &, as coping devises go, taking long showers on the weekends is pretty harmless!
3)If your DDs are having a hard time getting ready for school on time, have them make their lunches before bed the night before.
4)Never, ever again watch either of your DDs while they are taking a shower! In fact, I don't think you should watch even your DH in the shower unless he knows you're doing it! What an enormous invasion of privacy! Read your "paper" in another room while the girls are shower if that's what you need to do in order to respect their privacy! Or, if neither avoiding looking at the shower while they're in it or being out of your room while they shower is feasible for some reason, tell them to shower in the other bathroom. Do whatever you need to in order to observe proper parent/adolescent daughter boundaries!

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine growing up in a hem where my mom timed my showers, kill me now.