Is It Optional To Attend The Birth of Your Child?

[Anonymous]

Your presence is up to the person birthing the baby.

[Anonymous]

Is It Optional To Attend The Birth of Your Child?

If you're the mother, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:another dad (divorced) here - I was there at conception, every doctor's visit, and 9 hours next to my exW in the hospital before she finally delivered. When DD was born (finally a c-section), I was held her first and it was the single most spectacular moment in my life.

I simply cannot understand how a soon-to-be-father chooses not to be present during delivery. It's not like he's the one doing the work or on the "receiving" end. So any issues about being queasy - for fuck's sake just man up.

It's about being there for your wife - about doing anything and everything she needs, to be her rock. It's about being there for the start of a new journey, together. It's also about being there for one of life's truly magical moments - and it's nothing to take for granted.

For any woman whose (D)H wasn't there for the delivery - I feel bad for you. I feel even more sorry for him for having missed on a moment that he will never again get to experience.

Says the guy who is divorced from their mother? Their child misses a moment, how many moments are you missing dude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My husband saved my life when I passed out after losing too much blood after the delivery and by some inexplicable circumstance no one except him was in the room and the nurses were at the far end of the corridor. The call button was not at the head of the bed as it was supposed to be, but hidden away in a drawer.

OP,

In this day and age, it's expected that a father would witness the birth of his children. If he can't handle the blood and moaning, then he shouldn't have copulated and doesn't deserve the babies.

PP, there are many things that a husband can do for their partner when she is giving birth! Psychologically, the very fact that you are there (not passing out) is a symbol of your engagement. If you utter words of encouragement and hold her hand, even better. If you cut the cord, hold your baby, etc even better.

I know another couple where the DH advocated for his DW (my friend) when she said she was experiencing a lot of pain during a C-section and the doctors were ignoring her. it turned out the pain medication wasn't working. Good thing he was there for her or they would have continued ignoring her and she would have felt the entire thing.

If your DH can't be your advocate at times like these, when it really counts, what good is he? I'd kick him to the curb.

It must have been one f'ed up hospital that would ignore a mother in pain and that the husband would need to be alerting the the doctors to the situation. The lesson is not that a husband should be present but that you should select a good hospital and doctors.

That's not the kind of thing you know until you experience it. I would quote what the doctors said to her before her DH stepped up but I don't want to out her or myself here so I won't, but yeah, good thing her DH was there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:another dad (divorced) here - I was there at conception, every doctor's visit, and 9 hours next to my exW in the hospital before she finally delivered. When DD was born (finally a c-section), I was held her first and it was the single most spectacular moment in my life.

I simply cannot understand how a soon-to-be-father chooses not to be present during delivery. It's not like he's the one doing the work or on the "receiving" end. So any issues about being queasy - for fuck's sake just man up.

It's about being there for your wife - about doing anything and everything she needs, to be her rock. It's about being there for the start of a new journey, together. It's also about being there for one of life's truly magical moments - and it's nothing to take for granted.

For any woman whose (D)H wasn't there for the delivery - I feel bad for you. I feel even more sorry for him for having missed on a moment that he will never again get to experience.

Says the guy who is divorced from their mother? Their child misses a moment, how many moments are you missing dude?

.
Yes, PP - the irony struck me as well. I am the one who has been married over 20 years - was not there that instant when my kids were born but I have been there right through their lives in an intact family. Yep, through every single event of any consequence in their lives and many, many less than consequential moments! The greatest gift that parents can give their children is to stay together happily. We have done that in spades.

[Anonymous]

No, birth attendance is not optional. It's up there with death. Would you want your child to miss your funeral?

What else would you be doing? Watching ESPN? Eating popcorn?

You could make the argument that a couple can agree to a particular lifestyle or situation that no one else could. Swingers, vacation alone with kids, etc.
But I'm still going to go with birth being those major life milestones. Birth, graduation, wedding, children's birth, death. Did your husband not attend his wedding?

As a woman, I would be insulted that my husband would "choose" not to attend.

[Anonymous]

Was hoping to pass out cigars in the waiting room. Instead I found myself in the delivery room. I saw bad things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:another dad (divorced) here - I was there at conception, every doctor's visit, and 9 hours next to my exW in the hospital before she finally delivered. When DD was born (finally a c-section), I was held her first and it was the single most spectacular moment in my life.

I simply cannot understand how a soon-to-be-father chooses not to be present during delivery. It's not like he's the one doing the work or on the "receiving" end. So any issues about being queasy - for fuck's sake just man up.

It's about being there for your wife - about doing anything and everything she needs, to be her rock. It's about being there for the start of a new journey, together. It's also about being there for one of life's truly magical moments - and it's nothing to take for granted.

For any woman whose (D)H wasn't there for the delivery - I feel bad for you. I feel even more sorry for him for having missed on a moment that he will never again get to experience.

Says the guy who is divorced from their mother? Their child misses a moment, how many moments are you missing dude?

Wow. Because you have any idea why PP is divorced?? PP ignore this ass. I love what you wrote.

[Anonymous]

Something to be worked out between the couple.

I would not want to be present but maybe down the line I will feel differently. I would have an issue with my future spouse using my unwillingness to be present as benchmark for our relationship and how I feel about our children.

A question for the women who feel strongly that the husband should be present: if, for some reason, the wife did NOT want the father to be present during delivery even though he wanted to be there, is her opinion decisive in the matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:another dad (divorced) here - I was there at conception, every doctor's visit, and 9 hours next to my exW in the hospital before she finally delivered. When DD was born (finally a c-section), I was held her first and it was the single most spectacular moment in my life.

I simply cannot understand how a soon-to-be-father chooses not to be present during delivery. It's not like he's the one doing the work or on the "receiving" end. So any issues about being queasy - for fuck's sake just man up.

It's about being there for your wife - about doing anything and everything she needs, to be her rock. It's about being there for the start of a new journey, together. It's also about being there for one of life's truly magical moments - and it's nothing to take for granted.

For any woman whose (D)H wasn't there for the delivery - I feel bad for you. I feel even more sorry for him for having missed on a moment that he will never again get to experience.

Says the guy who is divorced from their mother? Their child misses a moment, how many moments are you missing dude?

Wow. Because you have any idea why PP is divorced?? PP ignore this ass. I love what you wrote.

Agree. Ignore the jerk who doesn't care to see the birth of his child. That is seriously weird/sad.

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman who has given birth, so obviously it wasn't optional for me but I understand the urge not to watch. I faint at the sight of blood, although miraculously not during childbirth (maternal instinct or whatever), so I haven't been the most supportive of DH's medical stuff. I'm always there but really never in the room. If he was in the position of giving birth, I doubt he'd want to deal with me sweating and looking sick on top of everything else.

That said, it doesn't sound like your DH has this issue, so he wasn't doing you a favor by showing up to see the birth of this own children. Yeesh.

[Anonymous]

It was one of the most important, memorable, life-changing days of my wife's life. I was there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My husband saved my life when I passed out after losing too much blood after the delivery and by some inexplicable circumstance no one except him was in the room and the nurses were at the far end of the corridor. The call button was not at the head of the bed as it was supposed to be, but hidden away in a drawer.

Huh, I also passed out from blood loss after delivery and my husband had to help me. I've never heard someone else have the experience!

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was one of the most important, memorable, life-changing days of my wife's life. I was there.

It was for you, too.