Is It Optional To Attend The Birth of Your Child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I figured you'd want to attend the birth of your child, plus the fact the mother can technically die during childbirth. Kinda important, there.

Ridiculous! I was right there and if her life were in danger, I could go back in there in an instant. Besides, if there really was a medical emergency, everyone other than medical personnel would be asked to leave the room.

BTW, we have been happily married over 20 years. The nature of a relationship is not governed by the presence of a husband at the moment of delivery.

[Anonymous]

OP, it is optional. Something to be worked out between you and your wife.

[Anonymous]

He's a pussy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a pussy?

and likes it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was there during labor but had told my wife way ahead of time that I would not be there during delivery.

Frankly, there is little nothing that a husband can do for his wife when she is delivering. I think at least some husbands are there only because there is pressure on them to be present. People are still surprised when I say that I was not present ...... almost as if I committed some sort of major crime.

Why didn't you want to be there? Didn't want to see your wife in pain? The blood/gore?

[Anonymous]

OP, my DH was at the hospital physically but he did not come in for either c-section. He didn't ask me once if I needed anything or if he could rub my feet. Nothing. Spent the first birth in his car texting people. For the second he spent the entire day explaining why he shouldn't have to come in for the birth. Not one time during either birth did it dawn on him that he should be there for ME and not be obsessed with HIMSELF. Soooo yeah I get it. And shame on me for having two kids with this man.

[Anonymous]

Dad here. Most moving experience of my life. Seeing the first seconds of his life outside the womb was indescribably overwhelming. I've seen a lot of cool things in life, but that was the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was there during labor but had told my wife way ahead of time that I would not be there during delivery.

Frankly, there is little nothing that a husband can do for his wife when she is delivering. I think at least some husbands are there only because there is pressure on them to be present. People are still surprised when I say that I was not present ...... almost as if I committed some sort of major crime.

Why didn't you want to be there? Didn't want to see your wife in pain? The blood/gore?

Probably a combination of those factors. It was something that I did not want to do and fortunately my wife understood it So I was not there for any of our children's birth but was with her through the entire labor.

Like I said we've been married over 20 years. One's marriage and commitment to the marriage is not determined by a husband's presence during delivery. She has never held it against me ...... there are so many more important elements in a relationship than being there when a spouse delivers.

[Anonymous]

My DH originally did not want to be there, but realized he had to because I wasn't going to be cool about it. He has since said "I thought it was weird to be there, wasn't keen on the idea, but it really was one of the most fascinating things I ever saw". Because I had a c-section, he wound up seeing much more than I did and spent the earliest part of our child's life with our child.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is a horrible man. You already know this. You drove YOURSELF to the hospital? You are not in this thing together and never have been. You already knew this but he just articulated it for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad here. Most moving experience of my life. Seeing the first seconds of his life outside the womb was indescribably overwhelming. I've seen a lot of cool things in life, but that was the top.

OP here. This is what I thought most men would think. DH was there, and there was no fear of gore - in fact, he watched my c-section with #2. He thought it was cool both times in a science kind of way, not in a moving kind of way. I guess because I thought he would be moved by the appearance of our babies I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this as some great act of love for me since, as I've said, he left for two hours for lunch and there was not any hand holding either time. I was on my way to the OR when he got there the second time. Yes, he was there, but I still don't understand how it was a nice thing he did for me that was such a great demonstration of love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my DH was at the hospital physically but he did not come in for either c-section. He didn't ask me once if I needed anything or if he could rub my feet. Nothing. Spent the first birth in his car texting people. For the second he spent the entire day explaining why he shouldn't have to come in for the birth. Not one time during either birth did it dawn on him that he should be there for ME and not be obsessed with HIMSELF. Soooo yeah I get it. And shame on me for having two kids with this man.

WOW. How can you live with a man like that? He is not a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was there during labor but had told my wife way ahead of time that I would not be there during delivery.

Frankly, there is little nothing that a husband can do for his wife when she is delivering. I think at least some husbands are there only because there is pressure on them to be present. People are still surprised when I say that I was not present ...... almost as if I committed some sort of major crime.

Why didn't you want to be there? Didn't want to see your wife in pain? The blood/gore?

Probably a combination of those factors. It was something that I did not want to do and fortunately my wife understood it So I was not there for any of our children's birth but was with her through the entire labor.

Like I said we've been married over 20 years. One's marriage and commitment to the marriage is not determined by a husband's presence during delivery. She has never held it against me ...... there are so many more important elements in a relationship than being there when a spouse delivers.

Not judging at all just curious. I told my own husband he didn't need to be with me during the actual delivery...he was having major anxiety about it. Mostly about seeing me in agony and not being able to do anything to help. At the end, I had a c-section and he did come with me, since there wasn't the agony factor. I was just interested if it was a similar thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is a horrible man. You already know this. You drove YOURSELF to the hospital? You are not in this thing together and never have been. You already knew this but he just articulated it for you.

WTF? Where did this come from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My husband saved my life when I passed out after losing too much blood after the delivery and by some inexplicable circumstance no one except him was in the room and the nurses were at the far end of the corridor. The call button was not at the head of the bed as it was supposed to be, but hidden away in a drawer.

OP,

In this day and age, it's expected that a father would witness the birth of his children. If he can't handle the blood and moaning, then he shouldn't have copulated and doesn't deserve the babies.

PP, there are many things that a husband can do for their partner when she is giving birth! Psychologically, the very fact that you are there (not passing out) is a symbol of your engagement. If you utter words of encouragement and hold her hand, even better. If you cut the cord, hold your baby, etc even better.

I know another couple where the DH advocated for his DW (my friend) when she said she was experiencing a lot of pain during a C-section and the doctors were ignoring her. it turned out the pain medication wasn't working. Good thing he was there for her or they would have continued ignoring her and she would have felt the entire thing.

If your DH can't be your advocate at times like these, when it really counts, what good is he? I'd kick him to the curb.