Orientation with parents in tow

[Anonymous]

It depends on the culture. My child is an entering freshman and it is clear parents are welcome, in fact encouraged to attend orientation. We've also received welcoming emails about the parent community. This is a small liberal arts college. My child is looking forward to the drive out and to our presence on the edges. This will not involve helicopter parenting. My child is very independent, has been very several years and has always resisted any helicoptering parenting strategies I tried to apply in elementary or middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some schools have parent programs that are separate from the new student programs. I laugh at parents who think there sole role is writing a check.

Actually, your major role IS writing the check. You don't even get to see the grades unless your kid gives them to you, or you find out that your kid has been tossed out. Let your kid start making his own decisions.

If your kid's college puts on a few days of parent seminars, that's great. But DC's school, an Ivy, had almost nothing for parents, except (a) a July meeting here in DC that lasted all of 2-3 hours, and (b) sandwhich wraps under a tent on move-in day. Parent Weekend wasn't much better, but at least there was the Homecoming football game to attend.

Speak for yourself (and pray for your child). Being involved as a trusted advisor is NOT inconsistent with allowing a child to make decisions. Intelligent people understand that the quality of a decision depends on the quality of the information available to the decision maker. Any parent who says their major role is writing a check is either lying, ignorant or completely lacking in self confidence.

[Anonymous]

I seem to remember (it was a looong time ago) parent-specific activities/presentations during my college orientation. Other than those, my folks just did some sightseeing, visited friends, etc. during my orientation.

[Anonymous]

I would be happy to just write a check. When DC goes off to school I know that if I become involved its because he is having a problem. Otherwise, he's perfectly capable of choosing classes and finding his own way. He doesn't need me to provide information -- he's there, I'm home, he will certainly have access to more information than I do. This whole "trusted advisor" thing, I don't get. Unless you are somehow getting copies of things like class or activity signups, what are you advising him on? And those are precisely the decisions he should be making on his own. I know my DS would not need or want our involvement. If he is encountering some kind of issue, he'll ask for my involvement. I hope that doesn't happen, which is why I'm saying I hope my only role is to write checks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some schools have parent programs that are separate from the new student programs. I laugh at parents who think there sole role is writing a check.

Actually, your major role IS writing the check. You don't even get to see the grades unless your kid gives them to you, or you find out that your kid has been tossed out. Let your kid start making his own decisions.

If your kid's college puts on a few days of parent seminars, that's great. But DC's school, an Ivy, had almost nothing for parents, except (a) a July meeting here in DC that lasted all of 2-3 hours, and (b) sandwhich wraps under a tent on move-in day. Parent Weekend wasn't much better, but at least there was the Homecoming football game to attend.

Speak for yourself (and pray for your child). Being involved as a trusted advisor is NOT inconsistent with allowing a child to make decisions. Intelligent people understand that the quality of a decision depends on the quality of the information available to the decision maker. Any parent who says their major role is writing a check is either lying, ignorant or completely lacking in self confidence.

Oh please, spare us the sanctimony. That was my post. I was responding to your silly, "I laugh at the parents who...." Of course my DC talks to us frequently about her intended major and course requirements. Maybe I overreacted to your patronizing and superior tone which, let's be honest here, is incredibly off-putting.

As for you, your sanctimony and pretentiousness aside, you sound like a helicopter who micromanages whether your kid is going to have the burger or the lasagna in the cafeteria today.

The insults at the end of your post have no place in civilized discourse. And "I pray for your child" (let me say again: my child is rocking an an IVY) earns you a place in the DCUM Hall of Shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be happy to just write a check. When DC goes off to school I know that if I become involved its because he is having a problem. Otherwise, he's perfectly capable of choosing classes and finding his own way. He doesn't need me to provide information -- he's there, I'm home, he will certainly have access to more information than I do. This whole "trusted advisor" thing, I don't get. Unless you are somehow getting copies of things like class or activity signups, what are you advising him on? And those are precisely the decisions he should be making on his own. I know my DS would not need or want our involvement. If he is encountering some kind of issue, he'll ask for my involvement. I hope that doesn't happen, which is why I'm saying I hope my only role is to write checks.

+1. This is a confident parent who is nurturing a confident child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Speak for yourself (and pray for your child). Being involved as a trusted advisor is NOT inconsistent with allowing a child to make decisions. Intelligent people understand that the quality of a decision depends on the quality of the information available to the decision maker. Any parent who says their major role is writing a check is either lying, ignorant or completely lacking in self confidence.

How old is your child? It sounds like you aren't very familiar with a teenager's path to independence and self-sufficiency. Most college-age teenagers are capable of more than you seem to give them credit for.

(You should probably can the verbal abuse. It undermines your point.)

[Anonymous]

DD really wanted us to come to orientation. She wanted one last nice dinner out in her new town, she wanted to find a nail and tanning place, and a Target. Because she knew that when we left, so did the credit card. I advised her on nothing except colors.

[Anonymous]

16:40 How old is your child? I'm going to orientation in late August and parent's weekend in November but in between my child is on his/her own!

[Anonymous]

As a college administrator, I can't remember a student (except international or very unusual trying family circumstances) who didn't have one parent attend orientation. These were high price privates in top 50. My parents didn't attend my state school orientation in the 90's, but there also wasn't a parent track set up for them. At my most recent school, GW, the students are almost never with their parents, except a dinner or two. Yet, it still is a shared experience between them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16:40 How old is your child? I'm going to orientation in late August and parent's weekend in November but in between my child is on his/her own!

+1. Call your kid frequently to ask about her new friends, how the local pizza joint is, and whether she needs a new winter coat. But don't ask if she's completed that English Lit reading yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a college administrator, I can't remember a student (except international or very unusual trying family circumstances) who didn't have one parent attend orientation. These were high price privates in top 50. My parents didn't attend my state school orientation in the 90's, but there also wasn't a parent track set up for them. At my most recent school, GW, the students are almost never with their parents, except a dinner or two. Yet, it still is a shared experience between them.

Agreed. Sometimes the faux anti-helicoptering parents love to chime in about what they're not doing for their kids. Or maybe they just don't want to take a day off work. Orientation time is a clear demarcation of "here, we got you to college, the rest is up to you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a college administrator, I can't remember a student (except international or very unusual trying family circumstances) who didn't have one parent attend orientation. These were high price privates in top 50. My parents didn't attend my state school orientation in the 90's, but there also wasn't a parent track set up for them. At my most recent school, GW, the students are almost never with their parents, except a dinner or two. Yet, it still is a shared experience between them.

Agreed. Sometimes the faux anti-helicoptering parents love to chime in about what they're not doing for their kids. Or maybe they just don't want to take a day off work. Orientation time is a clear demarcation of "here, we got you to college, the rest is up to you."

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16:40 How old is your child? I'm going to orientation in late August and parent's weekend in November but in between my child is on his/her own!

+1. Call your kid frequently to ask about her new friends, how the local pizza joint is, and whether she needs a new winter coat. But don't ask if she's completed that English Lit reading yet.

I would text more than call. It'll work a lot better and elicit a faster response even if it's just a few words. I get more texts than calls. Love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a college administrator, I can't remember a student (except international or very unusual trying family circumstances) who didn't have one parent attend orientation. These were high price privates in top 50. My parents didn't attend my state school orientation in the 90's, but there also wasn't a parent track set up for them. At my most recent school, GW, the students are almost never with their parents, except a dinner or two. Yet, it still is a shared experience between them.

Agreed. Sometimes the faux anti-helicoptering parents love to chime in about what they're not doing for their kids. Or maybe they just don't want to take a day off work. Orientation time is a clear demarcation of "here, we got you to college, the rest is up to you."

+1

+2