MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:who comes to help with a newborn and is worried about noise? that is weird to me...i assume they know babies cry.

Coming to visit does not necessarily mean coming to help. Unfortunately.

You can be a help without also getting up all night with the baby. If the in laws are well-rested they will be able to help out an exhausted mother during the day. "Helping" doesn't mean, and shouldn't mean, having to stay up all night, too.

And maybe they are concerned for OP, too. Maybe FIL is a horrible snorer and doesn't want the whole house ot hear it, or maybe MIL is like me and pees 3X a night and doesn't want to be wake everyone up when she goes.

And maybe OP is a little bit controlling of her image and needs to let that go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have DH get the basement prepped for them. When the baby comes you will be SO GLAD you both have somewhere private to retreat to.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them there is no mattress in the basement, and therefore, no place for them to sleep and that the guest room is already ready for them. I wouldn't get the basement ready.

+1 have DH tell them.

[Anonymous]

I actually think it was very considerate of them to try to give you privacy. To put it in perspective -- my ILs come and visit the week after the baby is born for a few days (have for the past two babies, will be for this one). We don't have a real guest bed/guest room set up since our house is too small. So they assume that they will take our room, and my husband, me, and the new baby will sleep in the living room on the floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well, DH is part of the problem. He said "sure" to their request before running it by me, and he thinks it will be more comfortable for everyone if they are in basement. He doesn't know what all is entailed with making the basement suitable for them. To me, it seems inappropriate to put my in-laws in the basement when I have a very nice guest room. now he's stuck in the middle of their preference and mine. -OP

He said yes so it is his problem. He is an adult. He can deal w it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:who comes to help with a newborn and is worried about noise? that is weird to me...i assume they know babies cry.

Coming to visit does not necessarily mean coming to help. Unfortunately.

If they are not going to help, they shouldnt be visiting when she has a newborn.

[Anonymous]

They probably want to get away from the noise of a baby crying/screaming at all hours. DH should prep the basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think it was very considerate of them to try to give you privacy. To put it in perspective -- my ILs come and visit the week after the baby is born for a few days (have for the past two babies, will be for this one). We don't have a real guest bed/guest room set up since our house is too small. So they assume that they will take our room, and my husband, me, and the new baby will sleep in the living room on the floor.

And you say "no", right? ?

[Anonymous]

Thank you for all the opinions. I'm really not controlling. I actually just feel bad putting hospitality-related chores on DH. He works really hard and takes on a lot of responsibility. He's very capable and that's not what I was implying. I enjoy being a good host and it bothers me that in-laws won't be using the guest room. Yes, I can get over it but it seems like it's within my rights to refuse making them alternative arrangements. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for all the opinions. I'm really not controlling. I actually just feel bad putting hospitality-related chores on DH. He works really hard and takes on a lot of responsibility. He's very capable and that's not what I was implying. I enjoy being a good host and it bothers me that in-laws won't be using the guest room. Yes, I can get over it but it seems like it's within my rights to refuse making them alternative arrangements. -OP

OP that's reasonable, but remember that your husband accepted this responsibility. He wouldn't have if he couldn't handle it. Oh, and relax and enjoy your impending arrival

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think it was very considerate of them to try to give you privacy. To put it in perspective -- my ILs come and visit the week after the baby is born for a few days (have for the past two babies, will be for this one). We don't have a real guest bed/guest room set up since our house is too small. So they assume that they will take our room, and my husband, me, and the new baby will sleep in the living room on the floor.

WHAT? Can you elaborate on what they said exactly?? I am having a hard time believing this.

[Anonymous]

I can relate if the worry is that OP feels she will be judged if the basement accommodations aren't up to the usual standards. But I echo everyone else that no one will think any less of her decorating/housekeeping skills considering her have a baby on the way. DH will feel useful in having some tasks to own for HIS parents. Once the baby starts keeping to a regular schedule, OP can pretty things up or guests will go back to the nice guest room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well, DH is part of the problem. He said "sure" to their request before running it by me, and he thinks it will be more comfortable for everyone if they are in basement. He doesn't know what all is entailed with making the basement suitable for them. To me, it seems inappropriate to put my in-laws in the basement when I have a very nice guest room. now he's stuck in the middle of their preference and mine. -OP

Are they going to stay once the baby is born? Maybe they don't want to be around a crying baby all night? (Not that this means you should accommodate them, just looking for their reasoning)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well, DH is part of the problem. He said "sure" to their request before running it by me, and he thinks it will be more comfortable for everyone if they are in basement. He doesn't know what all is entailed with making the basement suitable for them. To me, it seems inappropriate to put my in-laws in the basement when I have a very nice guest room. now he's stuck in the middle of their preference and mine. -OP

Pregnant wife wins, duh. He needs to be putting your needs and wants first right now.

Uhhh....but pregnant wife is not looking at the big picture. I agree with IL's in that the basement is the BEST place for them. OP is focused on the guest room and the work needed to get the basement ready (WHICH DH SHOULD DO). She is NOT thinking about the sapce she will need when the baby comes home. So....pregnant wife may "win" but is does not mean that she will win in the long run.

OP should tell DH to get the basement ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well, DH is part of the problem. He said "sure" to their request before running it by me, and he thinks it will be more comfortable for everyone if they are in basement. He doesn't know what all is entailed with making the basement suitable for them. To me, it seems inappropriate to put my in-laws in the basement when I have a very nice guest room. now he's stuck in the middle of their preference and mine. -OP

Pregnant wife wins, duh. He needs to be putting your needs and wants first right now.

Uhhh....but pregnant wife is not looking at the big picture. I agree with IL's in that the basement is the BEST place for them. OP is focused on the guest room and the work needed to get the basement ready (WHICH DH SHOULD DO). She is NOT thinking about the sapce she will need when the baby comes home. So....pregnant wife may "win" but is does not mean that she will win in the long run.

OP should tell DH to get the basement ready.

Wouldn't it be simpler for the ILs to stay in a hotel then for the OP and her DH to have to rearrange their home? Or for the ILs to stay in the guest room and then move to a hotel when OP comes home from the hospital? If the ILs really want to be able to sleep and have some privacy (or give the OP some privacy), that's the best way to make that happen.