MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

They are coming leading up to baby being born and have requested to stay in our basement even though I have a beautiful guest room with private bathroom on the same floor as the rest of the bedrooms. They said they want to give us our privacy and not be intrusive, and I know they are being considerate, but it's actually just more work for me. I would have to buy a mattress or futon, get bedding for it, ready the basement bathroom (it's a full bath but not ready for guests), etc. With everything I have to do, I don't want to do all this. I have a perfectly ready guest room and it's a shame to me that they don't want to use it. Should I just insist that they stay in guest room, or should I just grin and bare it and get the basement prepped for them? thanks.

[Anonymous]

Tell them there is no mattress in the basement, and therefore, no place for them to sleep and that the guest room is already ready for them. I wouldn't get the basement ready.

[Anonymous]

Have your DH tell them that you all haven't set up the basement yet, so if they want to stay down there he will need their help getting it set up. They want something different than what you have, they can arrange for it. And let your DH and them handle it. But is there any reason the stuff in your guest bathroom upstairs couldn't be moved to the downstairs full bath?

[Anonymous]

11:46 here - Actually, have your partner do this since they aren't your parents.

[Anonymous]

Can you move the bed from your guest room to the basement?

When they say they want to give you guys privacy, they may be concerned of their own privacy too. Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

"it's actually just more work for me"

^ And agreed - DH tells them this. Or you if he's not doing it.

[Anonymous]

Have DH get the basement prepped for them. When the baby comes you will be SO GLAD you both have somewhere private to retreat to.

[Anonymous]

Why not have them wait until after the baby is born to come (unless they need to be around to care for an older sibling)?

Less is more here.

And if they really are concerned about privacy, they should stay in a hotel. Have DH have the "so what's up?" conversation with them and by no means set up your basement as another guest room.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others. You don't have to do this. Your husband can tell them, "Sorry, the only guest bed is upstairs."

[Anonymous]

Just have your Dh and your inlaws move the furniture from the guest room to the basement.

[Anonymous]

I would be very clear--"I appreciate your desire to give us our privacy and I know you're trying to be considerate, but it's actually a lot more work for us to prepare the basement. We don't have a bed down there and the bathroom isn't ready for guests." And then don't prep the basement. It's nice that they want to be considerate, but if it actually makes more work for you, don't feel obligated to do it. If they insist, they aren't actually being considerate.

[Anonymous]

well, DH is part of the problem. He said "sure" to their request before running it by me, and he thinks it will be more comfortable for everyone if they are in basement. He doesn't know what all is entailed with making the basement suitable for them. To me, it seems inappropriate to put my in-laws in the basement when I have a very nice guest room. now he's stuck in the middle of their preference and mine. -OP

[Anonymous]

and I'm getting all sorts of opinions. my parents are aghast that we would put my in-laws in the basement - they think it's disrespectful. my girlfriends tell me i should be thankful they want to be down there and to let them. i'm kind of offended they don't want to be in my guest room that I worked hard on making really nice. so i'm just torn. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well, DH is part of the problem. He said "sure" to their request before running it by me, and he thinks it will be more comfortable for everyone if they are in basement. He doesn't know what all is entailed with making the basement suitable for them. To me, it seems inappropriate to put my in-laws in the basement when I have a very nice guest room. now he's stuck in the middle of their preference and mine. -OP

Then let him deal with it. He is the one who said yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well, DH is part of the problem. He said "sure" to their request before running it by me, and he thinks it will be more comfortable for everyone if they are in basement. He doesn't know what all is entailed with making the basement suitable for them. To me, it seems inappropriate to put my in-laws in the basement when I have a very nice guest room. now he's stuck in the middle of their preference and mine. -OP

Then your husband needs to prep the basement. Forget about being offended that they don't want to sleep in your guest room--you're making this too personal. They aren't asking to sleep in the basement because your guest room isn't nice enough. Just tell him that he needs to get the basement ready for them. You are too busy to do it.