MIL/FIL issue: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well, DH is part of the problem. He said "sure" to their request before running it by me, and he thinks it will be more comfortable for everyone if they are in basement. He doesn't know what all is entailed with making the basement suitable for them. To me, it seems inappropriate to put my in-laws in the basement when I have a very nice guest room. now he's stuck in the middle of their preference and mine. -OP

Then let him deal with it. He is the one who said yes.

+1
I previously said to put them in the guest room since it's already ready, but if your husband promised them the basement then let him deal with you. You shouldn't be offended that they want to sleep down there. And don't worry about your parents thinking it's disrespectful if it's their preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well, DH is part of the problem. He said "sure" to their request before running it by me, and he thinks it will be more comfortable for everyone if they are in basement. He doesn't know what all is entailed with making the basement suitable for them. To me, it seems inappropriate to put my in-laws in the basement when I have a very nice guest room. now he's stuck in the middle of their preference and mine. -OP

Then your husband needs to prep the basement. Forget about being offended that they don't want to sleep in your guest room--you're making this too personal. They aren't asking to sleep in the basement because your guest room isn't nice enough. Just tell him that he needs to get the basement ready for them. You are too busy to do it.

+1

this is DH's problem

[Anonymous]

I think it is great they are offering to stay down there. My mom did when my second was born. A newborn makes a lot of noise at night. The last thing you want is to be nervous about waking up others in the house (e.g., guests or siblings).
Give the job to your husband to set up a guest room in the basement. It isn't that much work. Just move the bed down there. You might also consider getting an air mattress for the upstairs bedroom so your husband has a place to sleep if he has to go back to work.
It is so hard being up all night with a newborn and then worrying about people being disturbed.

[Anonymous]

I agree that this is your husband's job, but I personally wouldn't move the guest bed downstairs. I'd just get a good air mattress or futon or IKEA bed or something. Maybe just a mattress and Hollywood frame. Keep your guestroom in ready-to-use shape, so you don't have to deal with returning it to order when your in-laws leave. If you wanted, you could eventually set up a guest area downstairs, if you wanted to have a backup space.

[Anonymous]

They may also be asking because they would prefer to stay as far from the new baby as possible, remembering how frequently a new baby wakes up, eats, etc. It was chaos upstairs when we brought our baby home. My MIL actually did stay up there with us because she wanted to help. FIL quickly opted for the couch in the basement and was very happy with his choice! No matter how lovely your guest room, they may truly be more comfortable in the basement, even if they get a futon or a blow-up mattress. We now offer guests a choice of the guest room, which is right next to our bedroom and the baby's room, or a blow-up mattress in the basement with their own bathroom. Most of our visitors have opted for the basement.

You should not have to entertain them or worry too much about their comfort right after you come home, anyway. Let DH do it or, if they are not happy, let them do it themselves. (And I say this as someone who did try to cook, clean, etc 2 days after baby was born -- big mistake.) If the service isn't up to their standards they will go to a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well, DH is part of the problem. He said "sure" to their request before running it by me, and he thinks it will be more comfortable for everyone if they are in basement. He doesn't know what all is entailed with making the basement suitable for them. To me, it seems inappropriate to put my in-laws in the basement when I have a very nice guest room. now he's stuck in the middle of their preference and mine. -OP

Pregnant wife wins, duh. He needs to be putting your needs and wants first right now.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.

Uh...don't be a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have DH get the basement prepped for them. When the baby comes you will be SO GLAD you both have somewhere private to retreat to.

+1000

I think they are actually being really very considerate by wanting to give you as much space as they can. Have your husband get the basement ready for them. You may like to have the extra sleeping area upstairs for yourselves, depending on what kind of sleep schedule you, the baby, and your husband wind up on. And you may like to keep a guest set-up in your basement for a while, if you're going to have other visitors come to see the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.

No, no, no. They will have to suck it up and make it work. They (DH, MIL, and FIL) are grown-ups and can handle themselves. I hope you're not planning to do a bunch of cooking and cleaning while they're there too. Anyone visiting around the last weeks of pregnancy/immediate postpartum period needs to make less work, not more, or they either shouldn't be there or should stay in a hotel.

Now's as fine a time as any to learn to stand up for yourself and be clear about what will and won't work. You're going to learn this quickly when you start having to say "No, we have to be back in time for baby's bedtime" "No you can't feed him that yet" "No that's too far for us to travel right now" "It's time for the baby to come back to me" etc etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.

Uh...don't be a martyr.

OP, you don't need an advanced degree to set up the bed. Tell your DH to order an Aero bed from Amazon and set it up; then tell him to pull the right-sized sheets out of the linen closet and make up the bed. Then tell him to move X little table and Y little lamp next to the bed. Then tell him to clean the basement bathroom and gather towels, soaps, shampoos, etc. from wherever you keep them and set them up in the bathroom. In other words, you direct him a bit but he does all the work. It's really not a big deal. And when your MIL is here, if she wants to make some minor adjustments or tweaks, then let her do it! Use her to help make your basement guest space as comfortable and functional as possible.

This is the least of your problems right now!

[Anonymous]

Don't be a martyr ++

I think the basement sounds like a good idea for privacy reasons and so forth. All you need to put there is an air mattress. Your DH can surely blow up an air mattress and hang up towels in the bathroom. That's all. You don't need to design and redecorate and try to make it comfy and cozy.

Having said that, if you're not on board with the plan cancel the visit if needed.New mom's desires should be of upmost importance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.

What is there to know about mattresses and bedding? It isn't advanced physics here. As a presumably grown man, with a kid on the way, I'm sure he can figure it out. Hopefully you didn't marry a drooling idiot. Let him do it, or not. If not, then it really wasn't that important to him, and the parents can stay in the guest bedroom upstairs. But it isn't the end of the world either which way, but you should not be struggling with a mattress right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.

I agree that the basement suggestion really is better for everyone involved. I don't see why you think your DH isn't capable of getting a mattress and making up a bed. And why do you even care? If it isn't comfortable, let the in-laws deal with it. To "ready" the guest bathroom you need soap, towels and shampoo -- also not exactly a big deal.

You may want to give your DH some credit on being a competent human being before your DC arrives. Otherwise, that mindset is going to come back to haunt you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. You are making me think of things that I haven't considered (noise level, in-laws being disturbed, etc.) Unfortunately DH just isn't equipped to handle making the basement comfortable himself (he doesn't know the first thing about mattresses or bedding), so I will have to just suck it up and do the work.

Oh, FFS, stop being a martyr. He's a grown man, he can buy a mattress and make a bed.