Should I Have Called the Police?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP who thinks there's 2 sides:

Accepting blame and responsibility and adjusting one's behavior to avoid the abusive response is abuse.

It's utter nonsense. What that PP is doing is taking the dynamics of unhealthy relationships and pounding that square peg in the round hole of abusive relationships. You don't reason with an abuser, you don't change your behavior to influence an abuser's behavior, you don't influence an abuser by changing your attitude or anything. All the introspection in the world will not change an abuser's behavior and that person should be banned from posting on this topic. What a total imbecile.

I'm in an abusive relationship and typed the opposite of what I was thinking. The guy who's abusive was wandering around sighing while I was typing and I was worried there was going to be a blowup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OMG! Are you his wife? You are a horrible, horrible person. I was ashamed to read this.

I know, right? I feel dirty just reading this trash.

Asking a person to evaluate the whole of a situation and how the fit into it is "dirty" to you? Good to know.

Someone on this thread said they wanted to get the problem to stop (I'm assuming it was OP). Understanding what caused it is pretty freaking important. You can oversimplify with your bullshit platitudes all you'd like, but that's not going to solve the actual problem.

And if you truly believe that OP is a saint to hir completely wack-ass spouse, well, you're really fucking gullible. This sort of thing has roots. If you want to kill it, you have to kill it at the root. Anything else is a band-aid, even if simpletons on the internet say otherwise.

OP had a part in this. That doesn't justify hitting (hence my saying "there is no excuse to hit").

So the victim should do some soul searching to see what he/she did to make the beater angry? You are pretty sick. Do you beat your kids and spouse too?

[Anonymous]

The hitting has to stop first, unconditionally. After that, they can talk about causes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP who thinks there's 2 sides:

Accepting blame and responsibility and adjusting one's behavior to avoid the abusive response is abuse.

It's utter nonsense. What that PP is doing is taking the dynamics of unhealthy relationships and pounding that square peg in the round hole of abusive relationships. You don't reason with an abuser, you don't change your behavior to influence an abuser's behavior, you don't influence an abuser by changing your attitude or anything. All the introspection in the world will not change an abuser's behavior and that person should be banned from posting on this topic. What a total imbecile.

I'm in an abusive relationship and typed the opposite of what I was thinking. The guy who's abusive was wandering around sighing while I was typing and I was worried there was going to be a blowup.

I was the referring to the PP that you were also referring to, I wasn't calling your post utter nonsense! I understood what you meant and was agreeing with you.

[Anonymous]

OP Sounds like my physically abusive ex. He would twist any situation where he hurt me into I-hurt-him scenario.

When you are a 200+ pound man and your wife doesn't have a women you can restrain her easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Don't post trash if you don't want to be called trash. Yes, someone up thread posted that they wanted the problem to stop. Telling someone who is being abused to control the behavior of another shows a huge lack of education on the subject, so you're the one who is grossly uneducated here. Telling someone who is being abused that they actually are part of the problem is even more ignorant. The problem is the OP's wife physically assaulted him/her. That's the behavior that OP wants to see stop. And you're telling OP to evaluate their behavior is idiotic. Abusive relationships aren't negotiated and mediated. They are about one person abusing the other. But I'm thinking I get why you can't see that....

OP's wife didn't just assault hir out of the blue. And if OP wants that behavior to stop, no amount of saying/screaming "you're abusive" or calling the cops is going to fix it. Abusive relationships have two sides, and it rarely breaks down in such a fashion that one person is solely an aggressor and one is solely a victim (contrary to your black/white mentality). Nobody on the internet is going to be able to suss this out for OP. OP needs to do some introspective work to figure out why zie wants to stay in an abusive relationship, and what, if anything, can be done to shift the present dynamic.

You lack reading comprehension in a way that would be funny if it wasn't so sad, sweetie. I never said "control her". I said "understand yourself, because you're involved." And if you can't understand that distinction, there's really no point in continuing to engage you.

NP here. Well you got that part wrong. Your understanding of abuse--"that it rarely breaks down in such a fashion that one person is solely the aggressor and the other person is solely the victim" is patently false. Then you proceed to contradict yourself by suggesting that the OP should do some soul searching to understand why he would choose "to stay in an abusive relationship" which suggests that his wife is the aggressor.

Dafuq?

[Anonymous]

You should not have called the police. If you can remove yourself from a situation without injury you should do that. I do not care whether the abuser/abused in a man/woman...don't waste the police's time or yours unless your are in legitimate danger of real, physical harm. Then, for God's sake, remove yourself from the relationship pronto.

[Anonymous]

Why is everyone assuming OP is a man? This could be a same sex couple who are married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming OP is a man? This could be a same sex couple who are married.

Then the OP should have clarified that at the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Assuming OP is a man and their are kids and given his wife's abusive behavior why would he not call the police just to document what is happening for custody purposes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming OP is a man? This could be a same sex couple who are married.

Not everyone assumed that.

[Anonymous]

OP is a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming OP is a man? This could be a same sex couple who are married.

Then the OP should have clarified that at the beginning.

Why does it matter? WHy should the OP have to clarify that at the beginning?