Anyone's Child Going Far Away for College?

[Anonymous]

Let them go. This is an important part of theirs and you shouldn't be limiting their horizons because you aren't ready to have your own life. Get a puppy and a hobby and you are all set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lived a six hour train ride away but only came home for thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break. And sometimes only Xmas and one of the others.

Your kid really shouldn't come home from college more often than that. I think it is a little weird when college kids come home on the weekend a lot.

So everyone should do what you did because ... It worked well for you? Screw that. We do what works well for each of our kids. If one needs to see us once a month then that's okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived a six hour train ride away but only came home for thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break. And sometimes only Xmas and one of the others.

Your kid really shouldn't come home from college more often than that. I think it is a little weird when college kids come home on the weekend a lot.

So everyone should do what you did because ... It worked well for you? Screw that. We do what works well for each of our kids. If one needs to see us once a month then that's okay.

+100

[Anonymous]

I would not allow my children to come home once a month unless I felt like they were having trouble coping. Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break and summer vacation the first year regardless of distance. I would drop Thanksgiving or spring break beginning in the second year if the child was in the midwest or on the west coast.

[Anonymous]

I find the notion that people who live away from their family for college and career are somehow less close knit to be really strange. I went to college on the West Coast (I grew up in Chicago) and have always lived my adult life far away from my parents. My mom and I talk on the phone almost every day!

Part of it has to do with the fact that my grandfather was in the military, so they moved a lot and he was deployed in abroad for segments of her childhood and my grandmother was an immigrant. My mom and uncle live far away from one another--but they still are close. Compared to my grandmother living halfway across the world from her sisters, a domestic plane flight doesn't seem like a big deal. Especially on my mom's side, moving around for better opportunities is just what is done. We meet up on holidays, keep in touch over the phone, etc. I have trouble relating to the notion that you have to plant your feet in one place geographically to retain "roots."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not allow my children to come home once a month unless I felt like they were having trouble coping. Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break and summer vacation the first year regardless of distance. I would drop Thanksgiving or spring break beginning in the second year if the child was in the midwest or on the west coast.

Seriously? You wouldn't let your 19 year old come celebrate Thanksgiving with your family? That's heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lived a six hour train ride away but only came home for thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break. And sometimes only Xmas and one of the others.

Your kid really shouldn't come home from college more often than that. I think it is a little weird when college kids come home on the weekend a lot.

No. What is weird is people who think everyone needs to live life the way they do or it is somehow wrong. I have a friend who lives near a top university. All three of his kids went. One came home every other weekend. One only came home on holidays. The third was somewhere in between. And the parents welcomed the kids with open arms if they wanted to come home, or understood if they didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived a six hour train ride away but only came home for thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break. And sometimes only Xmas and one of the others.

Your kid really shouldn't come home from college more often than that. I think it is a little weird when college kids come home on the weekend a lot.

No. What is weird is people who think everyone needs to live life the way they do or it is somehow wrong. I have a friend who lives near a top university. All three of his kids went. One came home every other weekend. One only came home on holidays. The third was somewhere in between. And the parents welcomed the kids with open arms if they wanted to come home, or understood if they didn't.

Absolutely. I feel so sorry for kids whose parents tell them it's "weird" to want to come home. Really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived a six hour train ride away but only came home for thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break. And sometimes only Xmas and one of the others.

Your kid really shouldn't come home from college more often than that. I think it is a little weird when college kids come home on the weekend a lot.

So everyone should do what you did because ... It worked well for you? Screw that. We do what works well for each of our kids. If one needs to see us once a month then that's okay.

Funny...because when you go for parent orientation...the schools themselves will tell you this a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not allow my children to come home once a month unless I felt like they were having trouble coping. Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break and summer vacation the first year regardless of distance. I would drop Thanksgiving or spring break beginning in the second year if the child was in the midwest or on the west coast.

Seriously? You wouldn't let your 19 year old come celebrate Thanksgiving with your family? That's heartbreaking.

OMG, unclench lady. It's not "let", but seriously, traveling at thanksgiving is an expensive nightmare. My second thanksgiving that far away I did a mini road trip with some friends and we all chipped in and managed to cook out own thanksgiving turkey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived a six hour train ride away but only came home for thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break. And sometimes only Xmas and one of the others.

Your kid really shouldn't come home from college more often than that. I think it is a little weird when college kids come home on the weekend a lot.

No. What is weird is people who think everyone needs to live life the way they do or it is somehow wrong. I have a friend who lives near a top university. All three of his kids went. One came home every other weekend. One only came home on holidays. The third was somewhere in between. And the parents welcomed the kids with open arms if they wanted to come home, or understood if they didn't.

Absolutely. I feel so sorry for kids whose parents tell them it's "weird" to want to come home. Really sad.

2 kids in college. One within 3 hours and one on the West Coast. I would never tell them it is weird to want to come home and I always welcome them with open arms. Truth be told though, it is NOT normal for a well adjusted college kid to want to come home on the weekend a lot no matter how close knit a family is. And most college administrators will tell you that, at least freshmen year, allowing them to come home whenever they want hinders the adjustment process. With my own kids, it would make me wonder why the kids were so anxious to get away from campus - seeing as how they are not homebodies when they are home.

So as a parent, I have told my kids that is OK if they WANT to come home on random weekends but I have also told them that it is OK if they DON'T WANT to come home also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived a six hour train ride away but only came home for thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break. And sometimes only Xmas and one of the others.

Your kid really shouldn't come home from college more often than that. I think it is a little weird when college kids come home on the weekend a lot.

So everyone should do what you did because ... It worked well for you? Screw that. We do what works well for each of our kids. If one needs to see us once a month then that's okay.

Funny...because when you go for parent orientation...the schools themselves will tell you this a bad idea.

Yeah, I get that for the majority of kids it's not right. But I know my specific kid a hell of a lot better than they do, and since what he needed was to see us once a month, we followed his lead. As I said before, he skipped some months. And most months either his father or I came out, but rarely the whole family. He's an introverted homebody type, and everything about his school except geographical location was perfect for him, so we made it work. I stand by our decision, unconventional as it may be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived a six hour train ride away but only came home for thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break. And sometimes only Xmas and one of the others.

Your kid really shouldn't come home from college more often than that. I think it is a little weird when college kids come home on the weekend a lot.

So everyone should do what you did because ... It worked well for you? Screw that. We do what works well for each of our kids. If one needs to see us once a month then that's okay.

Funny...because when you go for parent orientation...the schools themselves will tell you this a bad idea.

Yeah, I get that for the majority of kids it's not right. But I know my specific kid a hell of a lot better than they do, and since what he needed was to see us once a month, we followed his lead. As I said before, he skipped some months. And most months either his father or I came out, but rarely the whole family. He's an introverted homebody type, and everything about his school except geographical location was perfect for him, so we made it work. I stand by our decision, unconventional as it may be.

I hear you...but they have seen hundreds of kid like yours whereas you have only dealt with the one like yours. IME, going to see him in his environment is much different than him always coming home. With our kids, one of us usually went to them when they needed a family fix. We did not think it wise to completely take them out of their environment b/c of homesickness.

But like you said, you should do what works best for him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived a six hour train ride away but only came home for thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break. And sometimes only Xmas and one of the others.

Your kid really shouldn't come home from college more often than that. I think it is a little weird when college kids come home on the weekend a lot.

So everyone should do what you did because ... It worked well for you? Screw that. We do what works well for each of our kids. If one needs to see us once a month then that's okay.

Funny...because when you go for parent orientation...the schools themselves will tell you this a bad idea.

Yeah, I get that for the majority of kids it's not right. But I know my specific kid a hell of a lot better than they do, and since what he needed was to see us once a month, we followed his lead. As I said before, he skipped some months. And most months either his father or I came out, but rarely the whole family. He's an introverted homebody type, and everything about his school except geographical location was perfect for him, so we made it work. I stand by our decision, unconventional as it may be.

Could be my own son you're talking about and I agree 100%. Leave it up to the kid and whatever they are comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

OP, congratulations on your sons full ride. That said, I agree with letting him pick the school he attends based on what it offers him, even if it means you or he go out of pocket.

We are hoping our kids pick VA state schools because we are residents, but if they choose CA, so be it. We will make it work. I'll miss them, though.

Currently, DD 5, says she is never moving out. Planning to work from (our) home, too.