Another MIL post. Caused expensive plumbing problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

A long standing issue has been that FIL doesn't like my cooking. He prefers heavy 1950s type food. I make meats, veggies, pot pie etc. MIL always wants to cook so FIL will be happy, but I politely decline, mainly because both my kids and I hate her cooking. Is this all ridiculous or what?! But I think it's my house, you eat my food. When I visit you then I'll eat your food.

You sound like an awful person. You know he doesn't like your cooking but you won't let your MIL make something he likes. He's supposed to just suck it up. What a bitch.

Seriously? Guests in someone else's home are expected to eat what they are given.

Didn't your mother teach you basic manners?

Yes, seriously. You do sound like an awful person. A host should strive to make a guest as comfortable as possible while visiting in your home. While you don't need to wait hand and foot on the person, just having food that they can appreciate and eat is the barest courtesy. Having only food that he doesn't like, repeatedly, after more than one visit is just crass. Not only does he not like you cooking, but you churlishly forbid your MIL from preparing foods that he WILL like? You really are trying as hard as possible to keep them from visiting. If you feel that inhospitiable, why don't you just let your husband take the kids to visit them and you stay home. Everyone will enjoy themselves much more.

PP above. I forgot to mention that I am a different PP, not the one who called you awful first.

[Anonymous]

Wow. You guys are a tough crowd. Why all of this hostility to OP? I've always been taught that if you're a guest in someone's home you eat what they prepare, unless there's some specific reason like a medical condition (food allergies) or religious reason (kosher). If the in-laws really don't like the food why don't they suggest going out for dinner? Being a guest and bringing your own food to cook in someone's home is pretty rude in my book.

FWIW, my MIL is not the greatest of cooks, but I suck it up and eat what I can tolerate. She would be absolutely livid if we brought our own food and I cooked stuff that DH prefers to eat.

[Anonymous]

I didn't know that you can't out peels etc down the disposal until I did so and it all came spewing out on my feet. Yuck.

She may have newer plumbing that can handle it and so was ignorant.

I think it is fine for her to cook what the fil wants. You want your guests to be comfortable, don't you?

[Anonymous]

This thread is timely for me as my husband has just destroyed the garbage disposal in our new house by throwing potato peels down it. Luck of the Irish my ass.

[Anonymous]

First, lose the garbage disposal. Best thing we ever did in our house and especially our rental. FYI, of you were my tenant, the repair cost would be 100% on you.

[Anonymous]

Why put vegetable trimmings into the disposal at all? I collect everything in the sink during prep, but put it in the trash afterwards. We gave up on composting due to vermin. It would make me nervous to keep putting solids, ground up or not, into the drain.

[Anonymous]

Asian perspective FWIW: Parents and siblings are not "guests" - they are family. Yes, we'd cook stuff they would like and certainly would not have a problem with one of them choosing to cook what they want.

OP re your question about paying the plumbing bill: No, I'd not ask them to do it. Also, whenever I see these comments about how an in-law being difficult, inconsiderate, etc, the thought that goes through my mind is would the person complaining feel the same way if it was her parent as opposed to the in-law? For example, if your mother wanted to cook something special because your father did not like what you cooked, would that be as much of an issue for you? If you mother clogged the plumbing would you expect your parents to pay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

A long standing issue has been that FIL doesn't like my cooking. He prefers heavy 1950s type food. I make meats, veggies, pot pie etc. MIL always wants to cook so FIL will be happy, but I politely decline, mainly because both my kids and I hate her cooking. Is this all ridiculous or what?! But I think it's my house, you eat my food. When I visit you then I'll eat your food.

You sound like an awful person. You know he doesn't like your cooking but you won't let your MIL make something he likes. He's supposed to just suck it up. What a bitch.

NP, but given that that's the way you feel about OP's situation, please post your full name and address. OP can proceed with being "not a bitch" and then when her ILs break the disposal next time, you can pay the bill.

Because basically what you're saying is, that even though OP and HER KIDS don't like her IL's cooking, she should expect herself and her kids to have to eat food they don't like IN THEIR OWN HOUSE and pay what it costs to repeatedly fix the sink just because some judgemental twit on DCUM called her a B.

Get over yourself. Your absurd level of judgement is unrealistic at best, totally, well, b*tchy at worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

A long standing issue has been that FIL doesn't like my cooking. He prefers heavy 1950s type food. I make meats, veggies, pot pie etc. MIL always wants to cook so FIL will be happy, but I politely decline, mainly because both my kids and I hate her cooking. Is this all ridiculous or what?! But I think it's my house, you eat my food. When I visit you then I'll eat your food.

You sound like an awful person. You know he doesn't like your cooking but you won't let your MIL make something he likes. He's supposed to just suck it up. What a bitch.

You are rather awful yourself, and you are making ignorant and incorrect assumptions. I absolutely try to make things he might like, but he is set in his ways, naturally prefers MILs cooking. I have to balance basic nutritional needs for my children and they don't eat her cooking much (lots of sauces on veggies, fatty foods). I expect them to eat what they are given from her, but I don't think it's healthy or fair for 9 meals in a row to be something they don't like and pick at.

They are family, which is why I step aside when they show up with a cooler full of food for a two night stay. However, I do resent being pushed out of my own kitchen. I would never arrive at their home and take over the cooking. Although I'd like to.

Basically FIL is very patriarchal, and MIL lives her life putting him before all. He has gotten better since we had kids, but has a hard time staying with us because we're more democratic in our decision making process. He is a kind man, but completely dominates every conversation, never asks us anything about our lives, and rarely even looks at me. He likes his meals and cocktails a certain way, and would plan every activity we do and place we go except now he has to work around naps and baby's needs. To keep the peace I usually just go along with things, but it is tiring to be the smiling, polite DIL all the time. I will never be good enough for their family. I will never work at the right job. I spend too much of DH's money. I expect DH to help around the house, which they object to. Honestly, I just get my feelings hurt.

This plumbing mess was just the icing on the cake. I think what irked the most was that they didn't apologize. Instead FIL essentially told DH to be grateful for the meal and to thank MIL.

[Anonymous]

I am on OP's side. I'm the pp whose inlaws don't make veggies or anything with fiber. I eat what I am served at their house - but bring or offer to make a side dish - and we always offer to do a grocery run while there so they don't have to pay for anything special for us. When they visit, I cook as I normally would, but make a point to have Good Seasons Italian dressing and a starchy side dish for them. I was a vegetarian for a long time and I believe everyone should have 1 thing they like to eat -but that family meals don't rotate around the whims or non-life threatening allergies of 1 person.

[Anonymous]

OP -- one thing that should be clear from this thread is that many, many of us throw the same stuff MIL put in the disposal all the time. I, for one, have learned something in following this post.

I guess the take home message is that MIL was trying to do something nice for everyone and had no evil intent. If she has spent her life cooking, cleaning, and kowtowing to her husband -- that is how she shows love. I think that she was trying to show her love for you guys (maybe I am wrong).

Try to work on the way you perceive your in-laws. It's pretty clear that they won't change and you maybe be correct in your assumptions on how they view you. But you can choose how you let it affect you and how you react. Know that you are a good mom, a great wife, and that you have a good husband. He does stand up for you and even called his parents when you wanted him to let them know the problems that they caused.

Good luck! It could be worse...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- one thing that should be clear from this thread is that many, many of us throw the same stuff MIL put in the disposal all the time. I, for one, have learned something in following this post.

I guess the take home message is that MIL was trying to do something nice for everyone and had no evil intent. If she has spent her life cooking, cleaning, and kowtowing to her husband -- that is how she shows love. I think that she was trying to show her love for you guys (maybe I am wrong).

Try to work on the way you perceive your in-laws. It's pretty clear that they won't change and you maybe be correct in your assumptions on how they view you. But you can choose how you let it affect you and how you react. Know that you are a good mom, a great wife, and that you have a good husband. He does stand up for you and even called his parents when you wanted him to let them know the problems that they caused.

Good luck! It could be worse...

You are so right! Thank you for the kind words and healthy perspective!

[Anonymous]

you suck it up. Sorry, but this is not worth causing family strife over!

[Anonymous]

I think your MIL disassembled the disposal, stuck the cabbage in the pipe and put it all back together. This is a common MIL joke. They do it all the time. I bet the plumper is one of their friends...like on Christmas when someone dress up like Santa. Just ignore the bill, it will go away.

[Anonymous]

I also learned a lot from this thread about garbage disposals

The depressing thing is that I did not grow up with a disposal but have come to love mine here and I also routinely grind rice pasta, rice etc. After reading about all this I question the point of a disposal. I might as well have a mesh insert in the drain to catch debris. One PP mentioned an interesting point: can I get rid off my disposal or did they just mean not to use it?