Another MIL post. Caused expensive plumbing problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

A long standing issue has been that FIL doesn't like my cooking. He prefers heavy 1950s type food. I make meats, veggies, pot pie etc. MIL always wants to cook so FIL will be happy, but I politely decline, mainly because both my kids and I hate her cooking. Is this all ridiculous or what?! But I think it's my house, you eat my food. When I visit you then I'll eat your food.

You sound like an awful person. You know he doesn't like your cooking but you won't let your MIL make something he likes. He's supposed to just suck it up. What a bitch.

You are rather awful yourself, and you are making ignorant and incorrect assumptions. I absolutely try to make things he might like, but he is set in his ways, naturally prefers MILs cooking. I have to balance basic nutritional needs for my children and they don't eat her cooking much (lots of sauces on veggies, fatty foods). I expect them to eat what they are given from her, but I don't think it's healthy or fair for 9 meals in a row to be something they don't like and pick at.

They are family, which is why I step aside when they show up with a cooler full of food for a two night stay. However, I do resent being pushed out of my own kitchen. I would never arrive at their home and take over the cooking. Although I'd like to.

Basically FIL is very patriarchal, and MIL lives her life putting him before all. He has gotten better since we had kids, but has a hard time staying with us because we're more democratic in our decision making process. He is a kind man, but completely dominates every conversation, never asks us anything about our lives, and rarely even looks at me. He likes his meals and cocktails a certain way, and would plan every activity we do and place we go except now he has to work around naps and baby's needs. To keep the peace I usually just go along with things, but it is tiring to be the smiling, polite DIL all the time. I will never be good enough for their family. I will never work at the right job. I spend too much of DH's money. I expect DH to help around the house, which they object to. Honestly, I just get my feelings hurt.

This plumbing mess was just the icing on the cake. I think what irked the most was that they didn't apologize. Instead FIL essentially told DH to be grateful for the meal and to thank MIL.

Now it comes out! Your issue is really that you don’t like the dynamic between your ILs, their attitudes and having to share your kitchen. Yeah, I’m sure I’d be annoyed by some of their attitudes but the meals are a non-issue. They’re trying to work with you by bringing their own food. Grow the fuck up or start ordering out!

[Anonymous]

I can't stand anyone cooking in my kitchen. I inevitably find things broken, dirty, or scratched. I am just too particular and I tell people this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

A long standing issue has been that FIL doesn't like my cooking. He prefers heavy 1950s type food. I make meats, veggies, pot pie etc. MIL always wants to cook so FIL will be happy, but I politely decline, mainly because both my kids and I hate her cooking. Is this all ridiculous or what?! But I think it's my house, you eat my food. When I visit you then I'll eat your food.

You sound like an awful person. You know he doesn't like your cooking but you won't let your MIL make something he likes. He's supposed to just suck it up. What a bitch.

You are rather awful yourself, and you are making ignorant and incorrect assumptions. I absolutely try to make things he might like, but he is set in his ways, naturally prefers MILs cooking. I have to balance basic nutritional needs for my children and they don't eat her cooking much (lots of sauces on veggies, fatty foods). I expect them to eat what they are given from her, but I don't think it's healthy or fair for 9 meals in a row to be something they don't like and pick at.

Now it comes out! Your issue is really that you don’t like the dynamic between your ILs, their attitudes and having to share your kitchen. Yeah, I’m sure I’d be annoyed by some of their attitudes but the meals are a non-issue. They’re trying to work with you by bringing their own food. Grow the fuck up or start ordering out!

Unless they have health reasons, it is extremely rude to bring food to someone else's house. A lot more is going on. Some people like to show control through food. I am willing to bet your MIL or FIL or both are heavy.

[Anonymous]

How about the MIL and FIL who always eat before coming to the house so they are full?

[Anonymous]

In my family, house guests typically go to the grocery store and get what they want once they get there and see what the host has and doesn't have in the fridge. It's not considered rude. Why don't you cook what you want and mil cooks what's she wants to keep the peace?

These people aren't going to change. Accept, move on, try to minimize how much emotional energy you give them. It is a waste of your time to focus on how annoying they are (and they do sound annoying).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- one thing that should be clear from this thread is that many, many of us throw the same stuff MIL put in the disposal all the time. I, for one, have learned something in following this post.

I guess the take home message is that MIL was trying to do something nice for everyone and had no evil intent. If she has spent her life cooking, cleaning, and kowtowing to her husband -- that is how she shows love. I think that she was trying to show her love for you guys (maybe I am wrong).

Try to work on the way you perceive your in-laws. It's pretty clear that they won't change and you maybe be correct in your assumptions on how they view you. But you can choose how you let it affect you and how you react. Know that you are a good mom, a great wife, and that you have a good husband. He does stand up for you and even called his parents when you wanted him to let them know the problems that they caused.

Good luck! It could be worse...

As one of the PP's who criticized OP, I stand corrected. This PP definitely found the better middle ground. It goes back to learning what you can change and learning to accept the rest. Probably the best response of the thread, PP.

I am fortunate that I get along well with my MIL (I try to do what I can for her dietary restrictions and she tries to politely accept whatever I serve), but I have definitely learned a few things about disposals. I am one who has put many of the above listed verbotten items down the disposal (e.g pasta, potato peelings and more) and have never had a problem. I've done this at the house I grew up in, the house where my parents have lived since I graduated high school and three residences of my own and have had maybe 3 plumber calls over something like 30 years, but I'll be a little more cautious from now on.

[Anonymous]

Don't let her cook in your house again. Or if she does, don't let her put anything into the disposal b/c obviously she doesn't know how to use it. I'd be angry, too.

[Anonymous]

Now it comes out! Your issue is really that you don’t like the dynamic between your ILs, their attitudes and having to share your kitchen. Yeah, I’m sure I’d be annoyed by some of their attitudes but the meals are a non-issue. They’re trying to work with you by bringing their own food. Grow the fuck up or start ordering out!


Unless they have health reasons, it is extremely rude to bring food to someone else's house. A lot more is going on. Some people like to show control through food. I am willing to bet your MIL or FIL or both are heavy.

But which is more rude - a guest bringing their own food/cooking or a host who insists on providing food she knows a guest doesn't like? Why doesn't OP (or OP's DH) learn how to cook what her FIL likes? I'm sure her MIL would be happy to pass on knowledge of their family food traditions.

[Anonymous]

I jammed the disposal in a beach rental once with potato peels.

[Anonymous]

OP, next time you are visiting them, pour some fiber supplement down their kitchen sink

[Anonymous]

Wait is this really about actual plumbing? I thought this was coded talk about being constipated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It somehow made it through

Doesn't really seem it is your MIL's fault. I'd wonder how it made it past the blades, she didn't have special MIL powers to get it past.

Any plumber will tell you that you are NOT supposed to put potato peels or other such things down a garbage disposal. It is too much and it all turns to mush, even if it is shredded, and still clogs the drain.

Disposals/aerators are really just for the rare crumbs that come off of dishes, et cetera. They're not mean to be used in place of a trash can.

Yeah we learned this the hard way! I hardly put anything down the disposal anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Now it comes out! Your issue is really that you don’t like the dynamic between your ILs, their attitudes and having to share your kitchen. Yeah, I’m sure I’d be annoyed by some of their attitudes but the meals are a non-issue. They’re trying to work with you by bringing their own food. Grow the fuck up or start ordering out!

This was unnecessary. OP, the dynamic is one of power and control, it seems, as another PP said. You are right to stand up for yourself. It is the little things that pile on and pile on and you can't take it smiling forever (I know). Your husband needs to have your back too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Now it comes out! Your issue is really that you don’t like the dynamic between your ILs, their attitudes and having to share your kitchen. Yeah, I’m sure I’d be annoyed by some of their attitudes but the meals are a non-issue. They’re trying to work with you by bringing their own food. Grow the fuck up or start ordering out!


Unless they have health reasons, it is extremely rude to bring food to someone else's house. A lot more is going on. Some people like to show control through food. I am willing to bet your MIL or FIL or both are heavy.

But which is more rude - a guest bringing their own food/cooking or a host who insists on providing food she knows a guest doesn't like? Why doesn't OP (or OP's DH) learn how to cook what her FIL likes? I'm sure her MIL would be happy to pass on knowledge of their family food traditions.

And if you have 5 guests that all like different things, what then, cook 5 different dinners? FIL needs to suck it up and be flexible when visiting.

[Anonymous]

NP, yes This THIS and THIS!!! ^^^