MIL Won't stop kissing newborn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is so crazy. My son has been getting horrible cold sores since he was about 2 years old. Huge, painful ones. Obviously, someone kissed him near his mouth when he was a fat-cheeked, irresistible, little toddler. A significant portion of the public carries the virus, even if they've never gotten a sore.

Why does grandma have to kiss the face? Feet, top of the head, fine.

So sorry PP, how old is your son now? Have you tried antivirals? If you don't want to go the med route, a daily supplement of L-Lysine can significantly help.

I know a family whose newborn baby got infected by HSV1 (cold sores) by being kissed by a relative. The baby died from it. Newborn babies usually don't have an immune system strong enough to fight HSV1 infections and it can lead to organ failure.

OP, make sure MIL doesn't kiss baby if she has a visible cold sore! It can still spread when a cold sore isn't present, but it does reduce the chances if there isn't one present at the time.

Shouldn't the rule be that no one who has a cold sore should kiss the baby? OP has given no indication that her MIL had a cold sore. One would think this would have been included in the original post, as it would clearly change the reactions.

I mean, yeah, that's obvious....but cold sores can still be transmitted if there is no cold sore present - during asymptomatic viral shedding.

Okaaaay. But what does this have to do with OP's MIL?

[Anonymous]

I think discouraging people from kissing face and hands is fine (though difficult to resist!). I think what's bizarre is then restricting a close family's interaction with the baby simply because s/he can't follow that rule. If that were always the case, a lot of older siblings wouldn't be allowed to see their younger siblings!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sweet, protective FTM: This is not the hill you want to die on. Trust me.

Very funny - I like you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think discouraging people from kissing face and hands is fine (though difficult to resist!). I think what's bizarre is then restricting a close family's interaction with the baby simply because s/he can't follow that rule. If that were always the case, a lot of older siblings wouldn't be allowed to see their younger siblings!

This is a really, really good point. OP, as a mom of a 3 yr old expecting my second any day now, the best decision I made was to try and treat my first-born like a second-born wherever practical. That is, if it's a level of "perfection" I couldn't possibly achieve with a second-born, and yet the second-born will be just fine, then it's more trouble than it's worth. As a result, I could put my DD down for 5 minutes to cry while I took a shower, didn't need to change her onesie every single time it got a speck on it, and didn't spend my time hermetically sealing her off from the world in the first few months. It really, really helped with my sanity.

[Anonymous]

Holy cow, women r cray-zee!!!

OP, you are nuts. Take a Xanax and chill out. Babies were meant to be kissed and your MIL sounds affectionate and caring. Time to back off. Either you're PPD or you're getting ready for the longest helicopter ride of your life!!!!

[Anonymous]

You are nuts! I'm sure there is no slobbering going on. Take a chill pill.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what OP's husband feels about her restricting access to his mother because she kisses the baby excessively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think discouraging people from kissing face and hands is fine (though difficult to resist!). I think what's bizarre is then restricting a close family's interaction with the baby simply because s/he can't follow that rule. If that were always the case, a lot of older siblings wouldn't be allowed to see their younger siblings!

This is a really, really good point. OP, as a mom of a 3 yr old expecting my second any day now, the best decision I made was to try and treat my first-born like a second-born wherever practical. That is, if it's a level of "perfection" I couldn't possibly achieve with a second-born, and yet the second-born will be just fine, then it's more trouble than it's worth. As a result, I could put my DD down for 5 minutes to cry while I took a shower, didn't need to change her onesie every single time it got a speck on it, and didn't spend my time hermetically sealing her off from the world in the first few months. It really, really helped with my sanity.

I agree with you, though I'm not sure if you understood my point. I just meant that older siblings are often overly close to the babies, kissing and cuddling their faces and breathing on them. Of course as a mom you tell them what's okay and what's not, but you don't then decide, "Okay, that's it, you're not allowed to see your baby sis anymore!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think discouraging people from kissing face and hands is fine (though difficult to resist!). I think what's bizarre is then restricting a close family's interaction with the baby simply because s/he can't follow that rule. If that were always the case, a lot of older siblings wouldn't be allowed to see their younger siblings!

This is a really, really good point. OP, as a mom of a 3 yr old expecting my second any day now, the best decision I made was to try and treat my first-born like a second-born wherever practical. That is, if it's a level of "perfection" I couldn't possibly achieve with a second-born, and yet the second-born will be just fine, then it's more trouble than it's worth. As a result, I could put my DD down for 5 minutes to cry while I took a shower, didn't need to change her onesie every single time it got a speck on it, and didn't spend my time hermetically sealing her off from the world in the first few months. It really, really helped with my sanity.

I agree with you, though I'm not sure if you understood my point. I just meant that older siblings are often overly close to the babies, kissing and cuddling their faces and breathing on them. Of course as a mom you tell them what's okay and what's not, but you don't then decide, "Okay, that's it, you're not allowed to see your baby sis anymore!"

No, no, I get your point entirely -- I was expanding on it. It's basically impossible to keep an older sibling away from a newborn, so if that level of exposure is ok for the second kid, why isn't it ok for the first kid? And so on from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think discouraging people from kissing face and hands is fine (though difficult to resist!). I think what's bizarre is then restricting a close family's interaction with the baby simply because s/he can't follow that rule. If that were always the case, a lot of older siblings wouldn't be allowed to see their younger siblings!

This is a really, really good point. OP, as a mom of a 3 yr old expecting my second any day now, the best decision I made was to try and treat my first-born like a second-born wherever practical. That is, if it's a level of "perfection" I couldn't possibly achieve with a second-born, and yet the second-born will be just fine, then it's more trouble than it's worth. As a result, I could put my DD down for 5 minutes to cry while I took a shower, didn't need to change her onesie every single time it got a speck on it, and didn't spend my time hermetically sealing her off from the world in the first few months. It really, really helped with my sanity.

I agree with you, though I'm not sure if you understood my point. I just meant that older siblings are often overly close to the babies, kissing and cuddling their faces and breathing on them. Of course as a mom you tell them what's okay and what's not, but you don't then decide, "Okay, that's it, you're not allowed to see your baby sis anymore!"

No, no, I get your point entirely -- I was expanding on it. It's basically impossible to keep an older sibling away from a newborn, so if that level of exposure is ok for the second kid, why isn't it ok for the first kid? And so on from there.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think discouraging people from kissing face and hands is fine (though difficult to resist!). I think what's bizarre is then restricting a close family's interaction with the baby simply because s/he can't follow that rule. If that were always the case, a lot of older siblings wouldn't be allowed to see their younger siblings!

This is a really, really good point. OP, as a mom of a 3 yr old expecting my second any day now, the best decision I made was to try and treat my first-born like a second-born wherever practical. That is, if it's a level of "perfection" I couldn't possibly achieve with a second-born, and yet the second-born will be just fine, then it's more trouble than it's worth. As a result, I could put my DD down for 5 minutes to cry while I took a shower, didn't need to change her onesie every single time it got a speck on it, and didn't spend my time hermetically sealing her off from the world in the first few months. It really, really helped with my sanity.

I agree with you, though I'm not sure if you understood my point. I just meant that older siblings are often overly close to the babies, kissing and cuddling their faces and breathing on them. Of course as a mom you tell them what's okay and what's not, but you don't then decide, "Okay, that's it, you're not allowed to see your baby sis anymore!"

No, no, I get your point entirely -- I was expanding on it. It's basically impossible to keep an older sibling away from a newborn, so if that level of exposure is ok for the second kid, why isn't it ok for the first kid? And so on from there.

I disagree with this. A parent can reprimand another sibling in the way she can't a MIL. I remember distinctly being reprimanded because I tried to touch my baby brother's eyelid (it looked so soft) while his eyes were closed. My mother was really stern about no hands on the baby's face.

I didn't excessively kiss my baby brother on his face. My mother was very clear with me about germs. She said I could kiss the top of his head. I could touch his feet. And if I wanted to hold him, I had to abide by those rules.

I don't think any parent lets siblings do whatever they want to a newborn. And very young siblings (toddler aged) aren't usually allowed alone with a newborn. So if anything, your analogy kind of proves OP's point... if a sibling were excessively kissing a newborn near the mouth, the parent would probably tell him/her to stop and instead kiss the top of the head. Or the parent wouldn't keep the newborn in constant reach of the toddler.

Newborns need to be held. But there have been plenty of threads here about MILs who "hog" the baby, won't put the baby down or give the baby up. I think this excessive kissing falls into that category. I find it a little needy. But the kissing on the face thing, especially with a newborn, is a germ issue. People have lots of germs in their mouth. And just because they aren't showing signs of a sickness doesn't mean they don't have things like strep, et cetera.

OP, I would try to say gently, "Oh, it's better to kiss the baby's head," the next time she does it. She how she responds. It's a way of trying to modify her behavior without being bossy.

But yeah, OP, it would weird me out. By I also had a lot of relatives who were overly touchy/huggy/kissy with me when I was a toddler, and I hated it. To this day, I'm not a very affectionate person, and I think it's actually directly related to feeling like I had no say in people hugging/kissing me. I'm not saying it's bad to give hugs and kisses. I'm talking about people who don't know when to let up and think just because your little, you either don't mind or it doesn't matter if you mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think discouraging people from kissing face and hands is fine (though difficult to resist!). I think what's bizarre is then restricting a close family's interaction with the baby simply because s/he can't follow that rule. If that were always the case, a lot of older siblings wouldn't be allowed to see their younger siblings!

And the way OP says it! "I've decided that she doesn't know how to follow directions." Well, la de dah, aren't you the queen of the world!

MIL has much more life experience than naive little you.

[Anonymous]

I'm with OP on this, despite liking my inlaws and not being awash with post-partum hormones. If someone was repeately ignoring my expressed wishes for my child, I would be really ticked off.

[Anonymous]

Op here:

1. I love my MIL and don't have any underlying/hidden issues with her. This isn't a question about loving her. I am extremely thankful for her.

2. By "we" I mean that my husband tells her to stop kissing the baby in the face because he feels the same way if not has stronger feelings in this regard. I have told my mother the same thing so it is not an issue isolated to my MIL.

3. Yes he is/will be exposed to germs they are unavoidable. But he is a freaking newborn people!!! I feel strongly about the baby not getting sick so early on in life (2 weeks). Kissing the baby in the face and passing on God knows what IS avoidable.

4. When the baby is older (Has a more mature immune system) I don't have as many issues with the kissing. But do find that 10 kisses within a span of 30 minutes is smothering, I personally would not like it.

5. My MIL wears red lipstick and heavy and nauseating perfume. The baby stinks like her perfume afterwards.

6. I am the parent and it's my job to advocate for my child's rights. Since I wouldn't like to be kissed on that way why would I subject my child to that?

7. Affection and love is not measured by kisses!!! Find another way

8. The issue I am having is not hormone related. And I have been sleeping just fine actually my baby is and has been sleeping through the night.

Another reason why I would like to keep it that way by avoiding him getting sick from unnecessary touching!!!!!

9. I find it odd that I have to ask people not to kiss him in the face. I thought it was common sense. I did not behave this way with any 4 of my nephews when they were first born no matter how cute they were. Control yourself!

10. My husband and I have a loving respectful relationship. He is not shallow and I do not withhold intimacy.

[Anonymous]

I'm having a hard time sympathizing with you but perhaps you could give your MIL is a "safe zone" for kissing the grandchild? Like the forehead? Arms? Feet, as others suggested?