DS slamming doors because no screentime on weekdays

[Anonymous]

OP - I'm a mom of a 14 year old and we have limitations. I really hate the responses from the perfect parents who think they will have perfect teens, but appreciate the thoughtful ones you have received. Here's my advice - not from a knowitall, but from a fellow-struggler.

First and foremost, treat the slamming as a separate problem. He can be angry, and leave the room, retreat to his room without you following, but he can't slam doors (neither can you or DH).

I get it with the screen time. I don't like who my son is when he has too much screen time. I get the attraction of the games and of netflix, but I also know it is addictive, and vaguely unwholesome. This is true for parents as well as kids.

Are your husband's expectations failing to keep pace with the changes in who your child is? I think you and he need to have a talk since maybe your husband is undermining what's best for you and your kid. I mean this most kindly, but your husband's distance from the day-to-day may mean he really doesn't "get" adolescence.


Also, I found that when we imposed the same rules on us, the house was a happier place for everyone. We don't count schoolwork (his or DH) toward screen limits, and we do make exceptions, but generally not for PS DS XBOX or TV. I would make exceptions for anything hobby based he wants to look up, read about, think about or do (i.e. photo editing).

[Anonymous]

Beware of inconsistantancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the door off the hinges.

If you need to take apart your house in order to raise your children, why not go all the way? Get rid of your house and live in a tent with no electricity. Screen time will no longer an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound rigid. Why do you ban screen time? That's so weird.

Go do your homework dear. The parents get to make the rules. When you have children you get to make the rules that you believe are in their best interest.

--another parent who only allows screen time on the weekends

Cut the patronizing bullshit. I'm a parent of two, ages 10 and 8. Don't be such a twat.

You're needlessly rigid. What possible good reason do you have for restricting the screen time, other than you get to make the rules? Is that how you run your household? Reminding the children at every opportunity that you're in charge?

You must really suck at parenting. Jesus. Take a class or something.

And I'd bet anything your kids are a nightmare. Frankly, you sound like one yourself.

Good for you OP. We have the same rules at our house and I get a lot of pushback from 9 y old DS. I figure it just goes with the territory.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm not a particularly strict parent, and I'm not sure this is a limit I'd set in the first place, but I have to say that if my child asked me to discuss a rule, and I made an offer to do so at a certain date, and they responded with a tantrum, that conversation would be pushed back. I would let my child know that slamming doors is unacceptable, and that any discussion of changing the rules would have to wait for the new year.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like many of you have dysfunctional boys who you treat like prisoners. Girls are so much easier!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like many of you have dysfunctional boys who you treat like prisoners. Girls are so much easier!

Ha ha ha ha. Oh wait, you mean it? Do you have adolescent girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound rigid. Why do you ban screen time? That's so weird.

Go do your homework dear. The parents get to make the rules. When you have children you get to make the rules that you believe are in their best interest.

--another parent who only allows screen time on the weekends

Cut the patronizing bullshit. I'm a parent of two, ages 10 and 8. Don't be such a twat.

You're needlessly rigid. What possible good reason do you have for restricting the screen time, other than you get to make the rules? Is that how you run your household? Reminding the children at every opportunity that you're in charge?

You must really suck at parenting. Jesus. Take a class or something.

Wow. Not sure why you're so angry at someone else's screen time rules. Not PP, but we also don't allow screen time M-Th in our house. Why? Because one child has ADHD and has serious difficulty self-regulating and meltdowns occur on a regular basis when it comes to either playing or getting off a video game/computer. We now have a set schedule: none on school days except for an hour on Friday, and then 2 hours Saturday and 2 on Sunday; 2 hours also on holidays. They get to choose whether to do the 2 hours all at once or break it up. Life is so much calmer now that they know what to expect.

We've taken parenting classes and worked with therapist and this is exactly what we were advised to do: routine and schedule and cutting back on screen time. Many kids have difficulty with screen time. Every family I know that limits it this way says it's been a godsend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound rigid. Why do you ban screen time? That's so weird.

Go do your homework dear. The parents get to make the rules. When you have children you get to make the rules that you believe are in their best interest.

--another parent who only allows screen time on the weekends

Cut the patronizing bullshit. I'm a parent of two, ages 10 and 8. Don't be such a twat.

You're needlessly rigid. What possible good reason do you have for restricting the screen time, other than you get to make the rules? Is that how you run your household? Reminding the children at every opportunity that you're in charge?

You must really suck at parenting. Jesus. Take a class or something.

Kids are different. Their maturity levels, strengths, and weaknesses all vary. Perhaps OP's kid needs more a uniform application and consistency in house rules than your kid does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like many of you have dysfunctional boys who you treat like prisoners. Girls are so much easier!

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[Anonymous]

OP he's 14. You have 3-4 years before he's on his own, and you can't limit screen time in college. Have you seen those kids who go off to school and lose their shit over all the freedom because they've never been allowed any autonomy?

You say you know he'd mess up if you let go of the reins, and that may be true. He may not have perfect grades or get into a top school, but at least his prospects would be realistic. What good is it to restrict and punish an unmotivated kid into a top and challenging school, and then have him be ill equipped to succeed?

I personally feel that making the screen time into his reward, or limiting it like you have, is only making it more valuable in his eyes. Let it go. Have the conversation about changing the rules, and have him acknowledge the problems he's had with this in the past. Ask him what he wants for his future and if bad grades will get him there. He needs to want these things for himself, and he needs to learn to keep himself on track. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I just don't understand parents who restrict TV time. 1 hour? The constant watching of the clock would ruin the experience.

I have 4 children, from 5 to 18. My oldest is a movie buff and loves TV. She's away at college and is still the same way but she does well in school. I have never restricted TV watching and the tube is always on at my house. As a result, it's a non-factor for my children.

Banning something is a surefire way to give it more importance than it really has. IMO, it's better to remove restrictions and let these next few years be about him learning his limits, rather than sheltering him and turning him loose at 18.

[Anonymous]

Agree with you pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don't understand parents who restrict TV time. 1 hour? The constant watching of the clock would ruin the experience.

I have 4 children, from 5 to 18. My oldest is a movie buff and loves TV. She's away at college and is still the same way but she does well in school. I have never restricted TV watching and the tube is always on at my house. As a result, it's a non-factor for my children.

Banning something is a surefire way to give it more importance than it really has. IMO, it's better to remove restrictions and let these next few years be about him learning his limits, rather than sheltering him and turning him loose at 18.

I don't happen to put time limits on TV, although I put other limits, but I grew up in a household where it was an hour, and there was no clock watching, because shows come in 30 and 60 minute increments. So, you turned on the TV and watched CHiPs or back to back Brady Bunch and Partridge Family (I just dated myself) I believe, and then you turned it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't understand parents who restrict TV time. 1 hour? The constant watching of the clock would ruin the experience.

I have 4 children, from 5 to 18. My oldest is a movie buff and loves TV. She's away at college and is still the same way but she does well in school. I have never restricted TV watching and the tube is always on at my house. As a result, it's a non-factor for my children.

Banning something is a surefire way to give it more importance than it really has. IMO, it's better to remove restrictions and let these next few years be about him learning his limits, rather than sheltering him and turning him loose at 18.

I don't happen to put time limits on TV, although I put other limits, but I grew up in a household where it was an hour, and there was no clock watching, because shows come in 30 and 60 minute increments. So, you turned on the TV and watched CHiPs or back to back Brady Bunch and Partridge Family (I just dated myself) I believe, and then you turned it off.

Sounds miserable and a very weird parenting issue to hang your hat on.