DH reluctant to socialize or participate in events involvong my family

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out to a bar every night. I'm usually asleep when he comes home. Sometimes, if I awaken briefly, I smell alcohol on his breath. I don't think he drinks excessively because when I am up when he returns, he appears to be sober. The place he goes to is largely gay with a straight contingent.

In any event, he has something of a social life at the bar. He's had other friends here and there too. He takes the needs of his freind seriously and is very helpful to them. If I were to ask for similar favors, DH would likely comply, but he would complain and grumble. DH also goes to class reunions and to NYC every so often on his own or with a friend. He gets together with a college friend in Vegas every year.

When it comes to socializing that I initiate, he's very reluctant unless he knows and likes the people. It's hard to get to know people, however, if you refuse to meet them. It's hard to sicialize as a couple because DH is so reluctant. What is more difficult is the extreme avoidance of socializing as a family. When we are invited to join other families, DH never wants to. He might go after an argument or me begging because such things are good for DC. There is a family that's been trying to have us over for dinner. I try to put them off because I'm likely going to have to attend without DH. Quite often only DC and I show up and I make an excuse for DH. I find this situation truly humiliating.

I would like a social life, especially for the family...

Another problem is that he whines and complains about somewhat weekly dinners with my family. He usually arrives late. Other times he says he has to work even though it's the weekend and these dinners only entail a couple of hours. I feel ashamed.

DH also acts like he's doing me a favor by taking DC to extracurriculars becuase he so "busy." He's no more busy than anyone else in this town.

What shall I do? How do others percieve the situation? I try to pretend everything is OK, but inside I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and die when I attend a fasmily-type event such as a lunch without him although he's in town and available. When people make an effort to cook for you and host you, it's so rude not to show up...

Also, is going out to a bar every night normal for a married man with a child?

Holy fuck. Marry me.

I'd kill to go to a bar once a month.

I try to take the kids from my wife to go on vacations so she can have a break and she says no cause she's afraid of airplanes.

I am home every night.

There a happy medium for us somewhere. I'll meet you at midnight at the clock tower. I'll be wearing baby drool.

Forever yours.

Not OP but you don't have to give in to your wife on that one, you know? Just go to a bar after work. She will have a screaming fit after, but I doubt it she will divorce you over a bar once every couple weeks?

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11/09/2013 22:12

Subject: DH reluctant to socialize or participate in events involvong my family

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Your husband goes to a gay bar every night, and you're worried that he's being rude?

<headdesk>

Yea and he heads off to Vegas with one of his friends each year. Sounds like a romantic weekend with his boyfriend.

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11/10/2013 13:41

Subject: DH reluctant to socialize or participate in events involvong my family

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out to a bar every night. I'm usually asleep when he comes home. Sometimes, if I awaken briefly, I smell alcohol on his breath. I don't think he drinks excessively because when I am up when he returns, he appears to be sober. The place he goes to is largely gay with a straight contingent.

In any event, he has something of a social life at the bar. He's had other friends here and there too. He takes the needs of his freind seriously and is very helpful to them. If I were to ask for similar favors, DH would likely comply, but he would complain and grumble. DH also goes to class reunions and to NYC every so often on his own or with a friend. He gets together with a college friend in Vegas every year.

When it comes to socializing that I initiate, he's very reluctant unless he knows and likes the people. It's hard to get to know people, however, if you refuse to meet them. It's hard to sicialize as a couple because DH is so reluctant. What is more difficult is the extreme avoidance of socializing as a family. When we are invited to join other families, DH never wants to. He might go after an argument or me begging because such things are good for DC. There is a family that's been trying to have us over for dinner. I try to put them off because I'm likely going to have to attend without DH. Quite often only DC and I show up and I make an excuse for DH. I find this situation truly humiliating.

I would like a social life, especially for the family...

Another problem is that he whines and complains about somewhat weekly dinners with my family. He usually arrives late. Other times he says he has to work even though it's the weekend and these dinners only entail a couple of hours. I feel ashamed.

DH also acts like he's doing me a favor by taking DC to extracurriculars becuase he so "busy." He's no more busy than anyone else in this town.

What shall I do? How do others percieve the situation? I try to pretend everything is OK, but inside I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and die when I attend a fasmily-type event such as a lunch without him although he's in town and available. When people make an effort to cook for you and host you, it's so rude not to show up...

Also, is going out to a bar every night normal for a married man with a child?

Holy fuck. Marry me.

I'd kill to go to a bar once a month.

I try to take the kids from my wife to go on vacations so she can have a break and she says no cause she's afraid of airplanes.

I am home every night.

There a happy medium for us somewhere. I'll meet you at midnight at the clock tower. I'll be wearing baby drool.

Forever yours.

Not OP but you don't have to give in to your wife on that one, you know? Just go to a bar after work. She will have a screaming fit after, but I doubt it she will divorce you over a bar once every couple weeks?

Honestly it's not about my wife giving me permission. It's about finding a better balance of life outside our children.... for both of us.