DH reluctant to socialize or participate in events involvong my family

[Anonymous]

I think your DH is a closeted homosexual alcoholic in a nutshell. Going to the bar every weekend is excessive...but every night?!! My straight dh won't even go near a gay bar for fear of being hit on and your DH frequents them. This doesn't look good and the least of your issues is his social skills with your family.

[Anonymous]

So you care for your child every night by yourself while your DH is at a gay bar? And he often doesn't come home until after you are asleep? No, that's not even remotely normal or acceptable. I'm sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are you? How old is DH and how old is your DC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you? How old is DH and how old is your DC?

We are not super young. DC is in early elementary school.

DH didn't start going out most nights till a couple of years after DC was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I think your DH is a closeted homosexual alcoholic in a nutshell. Going to the bar every weekend is excessive...but every night?!! My straight dh won't even go near a gay bar for fear of being hit on and your DH frequents them. This doesn't look good and the least of your issues is his social skills with your family.

You say this like it's something to be proud of. You're married to a homophobe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think your DH is a closeted homosexual alcoholic in a nutshell. Going to the bar every weekend is excessive...but every night?!! My straight dh won't even go near a gay bar for fear of being hit on and your DH frequents them. This doesn't look good and the least of your issues is his social skills with your family.

You say this like it's something to be proud of. You're married to a homophobe.

Not PP but regardless, OP's DH has been doing this for years.
The social issues seem so very beside the point!
Gay or alcoholic is quite likely, wouldn't you say?

[Anonymous]

What does your DH say about why he goes to a bar every night? About why he isn't engaged with you or your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your DH say about why he goes to a bar every night? About why he isn't engaged with you or your son?

He says that he wants to unwind. He engages with DC but only when he feels like it. He doesn't want to be obligated to do anything with DC. He always has some work or other project he's working on, and those always take precedence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your DH say about why he goes to a bar every night? About why he isn't engaged with you or your son?

He says that he wants to unwind. He engages with DC but only when he feels like it. He doesn't want to be obligated to do anything with DC. He always has some work or other project he's working on, and those always take precedence.

No, the gay bar is taking precedence.
But it sounds like you have been okay with that.

[Anonymous]

I really don't think DH is gay. Maybe, as someone pointed out, bi-curious. I don't think it's that either, although I can't be sure. He sees many of the same people regularly, and other straight married men with kids tend to stay home. There are some other straight people at the bar. In any event, I think he likes to talk with the regulars.

I don't necessarily mind him going out by himself. It's the extent of it. What I do mind most is that he'll have his own social life but will not try to develop a social life with me or the family. There is a couple we see every so often. DH and I go out on our own sometimes. He's not agreeable to dinner parties, etc. He dislikes family invitations. He dislikes having dinner with my family of origin. I feel very isolated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you? How old is DH and how old is your DC?

We are not super young. DC is in early elementary school.

DH didn't start going out most nights till a couple of years after DC was born.

Yes you are.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think that if we were friends and you poured this all out to me, I would ask if you need to borrow money to hire a PI.

Maybe you two need to have a come to Jesus talk about if he's gay or interested in being gay, but he's clearly not into you or the family.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's just an alcoholic. Does he drink in the mornings to cure hangover?

[Anonymous]

Is he socially really anxious and this is his 'safe' place with these same people he has been seeing daily for years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think your DH is a closeted homosexual alcoholic in a nutshell. Going to the bar every weekend is excessive...but every night?!! My straight dh won't even go near a gay bar for fear of being hit on and your DH frequents them. This doesn't look good and the least of your issues is his social skills with your family.

You say this like it's something to be proud of. You're married to a homophobe.

Actually, this guy who's afraid of getting hit on is probably even more gay than OP's husband.