Grandparent Funeral - Out of Country

[Anonymous]

You sound very selfish!

[Anonymous]

My husband couldn't go to his grandmother's funeral because our daughter was born the day after his grandmother died so it was impossible. He still regrets that he could not attend - not that he would have gone while we were still in the hospital - just that the timing made it not work - and he was the only grandchild of a dozen who didn't make it. He should go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After reading you follow up I think you are not being misery. He already said his goodbyes only a few months ago and his family is coming for x-mas. If it were my husband I would talk him into not going, but if he insisted, there is nothing I could do about it. Just plan for a vaccation without him next year.

Seriously? He needs to not go on the family vacation next year if he attends a family funeral? You come across as much worse than the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading you follow up I think you are not being misery. He already said his goodbyes only a few months ago and his family is coming for x-mas. If it were my husband I would talk him into not going, but if he insisted, there is nothing I could do about it. Just plan for a vaccation without him next year.

Seriously? He needs to not go on the family vacation next year if he attends a family funeral? You come across as much worse than the OP.

He doesn't "need to" but OP said he would use vacation time for the funeral. There is no reason OP and the kids can't take a vacation only because the dad can't go due to lack of vacation time.

[Anonymous]

Why can't your husband take bereavement leave and not vacation time!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sympathetic to the OP here, though I am not sure what the right call is to make. OP, did you and DH discuss this when you made travel plans this summer? As in, did you consciously make the choice to go see him when he was alive knowing that might mean that you wouldn't make it to a funeral? Did you discuss funeral travel at all before it came to now, the time of his dying? If you have previous conversations to reference, that would be helpful.

If it really means the difference between you and your family having a vacation together in the next year (in terms of vacation time and money), I might gently urge my DH not to go...but it would to be a pretty big sacrifice for the family for me to do that.

I am sympathetic, too. I would be frustrated, especially if the things PP mentions were indeed discussed. That said, I don't think an annual family vacation is essential, so of that is what is being sacrificed, I'd say let him go and just be glad he's not trying to drag you and the kids along for another few thousand dollars. I agree with the PP who says you don't want this to be something he regrets for years to come, because that could fester and cause a lot more harm than the loss of $2k. If you are going to have to go into debt to finance the trip, I do think that's another story.

[Anonymous]

There will be plenty of years for family vacations. You can do a stay-cation and have fun together as a family without spending tons of money next year.
But missing a close family member's funeral if it's not absolutely necessary?!