Beauvoir Playdate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which part is terrible? That I brought her to the stupid playdate? That I made her feel bad about Pj's? Which? All in all, it was a priceless day for MY motherhood. Can we say the same for everyone else on this board? Will anyone else not try to make their kid "less shy" or "more outgoing?"

Something tells me, PP, that you are an insecure person. Prove me right by responding with something snarky. Go ahead.

I am horrified that you treated your child like that. I am so sad that your poor child asked you if you were "mad" at her. That is really about the worst thing you can do to a child.

And now you are aggressive and nasty enough to hijack a thread and accuse moms of doing the same thing as you - just because they ask about how to make their shy child feel comfortable about a play date. Something tells me that are obsessed with private schools and judging all the other moms around you.

And by the way, I am not the PP who asked about their shy child. I am a mom who would never force my child to wear certain things or agonize over what others think about them. And then get on a board and accuse others of doing the same thing.

But you're really aggressive, so I know you'll keep this going. Go ahead, I'm not coming back. And if you think that an AD really admires you, you're wrong.

[Anonymous]

LOVE the pj story. Thanks for having the guts to admit it here. We can all learn something from you.

Signed,

Thank God I Have Boys Instead of One of Those Big-Bowed Princesses

[Anonymous]

PP, I am am the one with the PJ girl, and trust me, there have been many a time that I looked at boys like "there has got to be less drama at that home!" But I would not trade the girls for a million bucks now that they are mine!

I DID learn a lot from that day. I learned about my own insecurities and worries. It changed me and changed the way I parent. All of these schools are doing their best to pick kids, we are all doing our best to be picked, but somewhere in there, we lose our minds. At least, I did, once. As for those judging me, I am glad you have never done anything like that.

[Anonymous]

I think you are all going a little overboard. The OP asked for advice on how to help a shy child facing a play date. No different in my opinion from asking how to get a shy child who has been home with mummy all her life getting acclimatized to the school setting. She did not give any indication that she intended to take any drastic action to facilitate things. I may be wrong but I read her as seeking simple solutions such as maybe visiting the school on an earlier date so its not entirely new, arriving early and showing her the room she will be playing in - possibly playing with her a little in there first before leaving, arranging a couple of drop off play dates before that day so her child is not too unfamiliar with being left alone and being assured that mummy will come back to get her before too long, telling her that they get a little gift at the end of the play date - something to look forward to, etc.

Our kids go through various stages in life that will require our help and support. Attending these play dates and going through the application process is but a stage that need not be stressful for the child if we take certain measures and the OP was hoping that people who had been through the process before might offer her some insight. It does not have to be interpreted as neurotic, moving heaven and earth to get the child in or performing a lobotomy on her to make her compliant. It seems like some parents are determined to see it as such to somehow vindicate themselves for something (not sure what) and I think you are being unfair to the OP. The play dates themselves are not stressful environments and they kids are not traumatized by attending them. Parents who send their kids to play dates are no more bad parents than those who send their kids to school for the first time. Not fair to put your issues on the OP.

Good luck OP. My son is at Beauvoir and he loves it as do we. I hope your daughter gets in.

[Anonymous]

Is it just me or did people misunderstand the PJ post. The PJ post mom wanted her daughter to be a Big Bow Princess but in the end allowed her daughter and continues to allow her daughter to be herself. Point of the story - Allow your child to be who he/she is and do not worry to much about whether they are shy, demanding, or a bad ass . . . Do not stress yourselves out or your babies it will all work out if it is meant to be.

Good Luck Everyone!! Beauvoir is a wonderful place and I completely understand your stress!!! Do not share it with your cutie pies though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, I am am the one with the PJ girl, and trust me, there have been many a time that I looked at boys like "there has got to be less drama at that home!" But I would not trade the girls for a million bucks now that they are mine!

I DID learn a lot from that day. I learned about my own insecurities and worries. It changed me and changed the way I parent. All of these schools are doing their best to pick kids, we are all doing our best to be picked, but somewhere in there, we lose our minds. At least, I did, once. As for those judging me, I am glad you have never done anything like that.

Sorry, I must have missed the ending of the PJ story. Did she get in? Did the PJ's work? Honestly, just looking at all of this from another angle - not meant to be snarky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I must have missed the ending of the PJ story. Did she get in? Did the PJ's work?

I think it's the moral of the story you missed, not just the ending.

[Anonymous]

Maybe we can get back to the purpose of this thread?

I have a general question about playdates? How do you prepare your child for the first one? Do you tell them something like they are going to a "big girl" school and they'll get to play with other children and new teachers?

I don't want my child to be scared of such a big, new place.

[Anonymous]

Hi! PJ poster here AGAIN. For the PP, it depends on the age of your child what you tell them about your visit. My child was barely three, there is not a TON of discussion that can be had before they get totally confused. I just told her we were going to play at a school with some friendly teachers (between begging her to wear a dress). As kids get older, you give them a little more insight.

BUT, it is, ummmm, naive to think that a shy child will not be shy in the playdate. There are little things you can do at home, like role play conversations, how to shake hands, how to look someone in the eye, etc. But if have not been doing that all along, then it will not take immediately in time for an intimidating playdate at a school she has never seen with people she doesn't know. Who wouldn't be intimidated? Just express confidence, give them lots of love and hugs and encouragement. And take a page outta my book and let them be WHOEVER they are. As another PP said, the class cannot be a kitchen full of chefs, some of the kids need to be more reserved! The "quiet" kids are often the glue that hold many classes together!

[Anonymous]

13:36 here. My child is nearly four so I'm hoping to get some advice about telling her about her play date beforehand. I think she'll be a little confused about going to a new school.

Should I just tell her that we're going to a school to play and do circle time? That there will be nice teachers there and some other "new" children?

Also, my child isn't shy at all. She's never been on a play date before, that's all. She'll definitely ask me why she's going, who will be there, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Tell her you're thinking about where she should go to school next and this is an opportunity for her to see different schools, what they do there, and how she likes them. Tell her there will be teachers and materials and other kids, and they'll do a lot of activities that she does in her current schools (including snack!). Tell her it will be fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her you're thinking about where she should go to school next and this is an opportunity for her to see different schools, what they do there, and how she likes them. Tell her there will be teachers and materials and other kids, and they'll do a lot of activities that she does in her current schools (including snack!). Tell her it will be fun!

Excellent, thanks! Finally, an answer!!!

[Anonymous]

This is one of the most interesting (and honest) posts that I have read in a long time. We're in the midst of the admissions process for our DC and getting ready to start the playdates. It just reminded me to remember that the stress that we feel over this process should not be felt by our kids. Of course, that's easier said than done sometimes...

Anonymous wrote:I think all the mothers on this thread are true mothers, but some have truly lost their way. I, too, fell victim to this private school monster a couple of years ago. We showed up at a playdate at a MAJOR school with my DD, who would ONLY wear PJ's at that point in her life. I was MORTIFIED. I was EMBARRASSED. I wanted to crawl into a hole next to all the shiny haired, bowed, princesses. My messy-haired daugther, meanwhile, was the most verbal and the only one potty trained. I remember begging, pleading for her to wear something pretty. No to avail, she was not yet three! I will never forget my feeling of "she will never measure up, they will never see how great she is..."

Then we went home and she was in the car and said, "Mom, I just really love my pajamas. Are you mad at me?" That shame, of not being proud of my daughter for WHO she is, still haunts me a little. That I let a SCHOOL help me judge her is so wrong. I get it, you gotta play to win, but if a SCHOOL cannot see who my daughter is, then FUCK THEM. MY job is to not CONTROL her shyness or outgoing-ness or any of her "nesses." MY job is to encourage, give boundaries and LOVE her NO MATTER WHAT.

I was talking to a major AD a major school the other day on the phone and I said, "Well, if we don't get in, it is all good. My daughter will be fine NO MATTER WHAT" She was shocked and said that was the best thing she had heard all day. And I meant it.

Please Moms, let your kids be who they are. Do not manage them to impress adults they do even know...won't they grow up to be like.....you? Impressing people who don't even know you? This is not a personal process, although these choices feel deeply personal to US. NO ONE wants their kids judged, but it only has as much power as you give it.

Come on people. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Beauvoir was very good for our (formerly) shy DC. We visited beforehand so that walking in the door didn't make her feel like she wasn't allowed or invited (a previous issue). We told her she was visiting schools to see which would be best for her. They do like to see kids listen when they're read to - so you might mention that they'll do some of the things they do in pre-K to see how she'll enjoy them.

Stressful? Yes, especially in retrospect now that we realize how many kids are accepted at 4th, 6th, 7th, and 9th - why did we worry??

[Anonymous]

This post is a year old. Is this some sort of anniversary bump?