Beauvoir Playdate

[Anonymous]

And PP, it's not that these kids are just enabled. I worry more about the tone of the posts of several of these parents (moms, no doubt), who truly seem to believe that an admission to Beauvoir is the be-all end-all, and God help their kids if they "fail" at their playdates. I mean, imagine a MOTHER (in the true sense of the word) being "worried that her child may not do her best" because she is shy! Holy crap, woman! Do you realize what you're saying??? Your child is shy because 1) she's going through a phase or 2) that's just the way she is and will always be and you will just have to live with it. Why don't you just go all out and look into drugs or therapy to get rid of that shyness? I mean if it's such a terrible handicap and might keep her out of Beauvoir, why not???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And PP, it's not that these kids are just enabled. I worry more about the tone of the posts of several of these parents (moms, no doubt), who truly seem to believe that an admission to Beauvoir is the be-all end-all, and God help their kids if they "fail" at their playdates. I mean, imagine a MOTHER (in the true sense of the word) being "worried that her child may not do her best" because she is shy! Holy crap, woman! Do you realize what you're saying??? Your child is shy because 1) she's going through a phase or 2) that's just the way she is and will always be and you will just have to live with it. Why don't you just go all out and look into drugs or therapy to get rid of that shyness? I mean if it's such a terrible handicap and might keep her out of Beauvoir, why not???

THANKS for being the voice of reason! I know we're outnumbered under this topic, but I wonder if we're outnumbered in the real world? I seriously doubt that! Furthermore, you said it best: "a MOTHER (in the true sense of the word)"

These women are not true mothers. By the way you sound? You're a true mother (or would make a good one)! I'm in your fan club.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Talk about mean girls.

We all love and care about our children and want what is best for them. Clearly, we disagree about what is best...but do we have to judge one another so harshly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Talk about mean girls.

We all love and care about our children and want what is best for them. Clearly, we disagree about what is best...but do we have to judge one another so harshly?

This is your point of reference - mean girls? pretty limited in your use of analogies, eh?

I'm sure you're not judging your local public school, right?

- Do you want diversity that's not forced? public school
- Do you want a setting where kids learn how to deal with others? public school

What are you so afraid of? Do the public schools scare you? Are they not good enough for you? Even if you're in - God forbid, DC - why not pay tuition to attend a Montgomery County public school? It's cheaper.

still not good enough for you?

If being mean is defined as standing up for the "common" kid, then so be it. I am proud to be mean.

[Anonymous]

I agree some of these post are very mean. I think all women want what is best for their child and it is really unfair to state that a mother does not because she is going through the admissions process. We all want different things for our children and what works for you and your child may not work for another mother and child. I think all mothers want their children to do their best at all times even on playdates. I do not think the mothers are implying that their children are not performing their best because they are shy, demanding, bossy, or even silly.

Let's all calm down : )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Talk about mean girls.

We all love and care about our children and want what is best for them. Clearly, we disagree about what is best...but do we have to judge one another so harshly?

This is your point of reference - mean girls? pretty limited in your use of analogies, eh?

I'm sure you're not judging your local public school, right?

- Do you want diversity that's not forced? public school
- Do you want a setting where kids learn how to deal with others? public school

What are you so afraid of? Do the public schools scare you? Are they not good enough for you? Even if you're in - God forbid, DC - why not pay tuition to attend a Montgomery County public school? It's cheaper.

still not good enough for you?

If being mean is defined as standing up for the "common" kid, then so be it. I am proud to be mean.

How are you standing up for "common kids"??? What does that mean???

No child is "commom" they are exceptional, unique, and wonderfully made individuals. I'm a public school educator and my students are just as wonderful and smart as the students in my DC's private school. My DC's private school is more diverse than my public school and DC is truly learning to deal with others. These are not experiences children only deal with in public school. Children should encounter diversity and learn to deal with others through extra curricular activites and other situations as they grow.

Not sure I get your post . . .

Why are we debating what other feel will work for their children???????? So petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These women are not true mothers.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Talk about mean girls.

We all love and care about our children and want what is best for them. Clearly, we disagree about what is best...but do we have to judge one another so harshly?

This is your point of reference - mean girls? pretty limited in your use of analogies, eh?

I'm sure you're not judging your local public school, right?

- Do you want diversity that's not forced? public school
- Do you want a setting where kids learn how to deal with others? public school

What are you so afraid of? Do the public schools scare you? Are they not good enough for you? Even if you're in - God forbid, DC - why not pay tuition to attend a Montgomery County public school? It's cheaper.

still not good enough for you?

If being mean is defined as standing up for the "common" kid, then so be it. I am proud to be mean.

How are you standing up for "common kids"??? What does that mean???

No child is "commom" they are exceptional, unique, and wonderfully made individuals. I'm a public school educator and my students are just as wonderful and smart as the students in my DC's private school. My DC's private school is more diverse than my public school and DC is truly learning to deal with others. These are not experiences children only deal with in public school. Children should encounter diversity and learn to deal with others through extra curricular activites and other situations as they grow.

Not sure I get your post . . .

Why are we debating what other feel will work for their children???????? So petty.

Then as a public school educator, if your students ". . . are just as wonderful and smart as the students in [your] DC's private school," why are you sending your child to a private institution?

Honestly? You may not "get" my post, but I don't "get" your hypocrisy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Talk about mean girls.

We all love and care about our children and want what is best for them. Clearly, we disagree about what is best...but do we have to judge one another so harshly?

This is your point of reference - mean girls? pretty limited in your use of analogies, eh?

I'm sure you're not judging your local public school, right?

- Do you want diversity that's not forced? public school
- Do you want a setting where kids learn how to deal with others? public school

What are you so afraid of? Do the public schools scare you? Are they not good enough for you? Even if you're in - God forbid, DC - why not pay tuition to attend a Montgomery County public school? It's cheaper.

still not good enough for you?

If being mean is defined as standing up for the "common" kid, then so be it. I am proud to be mean.

How are you standing up for "common kids"??? What does that mean???

No child is "commom" they are exceptional, unique, and wonderfully made individuals. I'm a public school educator and my students are just as wonderful and smart as the students in my DC's private school. My DC's private school is more diverse than my public school and DC is truly learning to deal with others. These are not experiences children only deal with in public school. Children should encounter diversity and learn to deal with others through extra curricular activites and other situations as they grow.

Not sure I get your post . . .

Why are we debating what other feel will work for their children???????? So petty.

Then as a public school educator, if your students ". . . are just as wonderful and smart as the students in [your] DC's private school," why are you sending your child to a private institution?

Honestly? You may not "get" my post, but I don't "get" your hypocrisy.

The same reason Obama and Michelle support public school education and have decided to send their children to private school because it is private and personal decision. BFTR my sending DC to private school has nothing to do with the children, learning environment, and lack of parental involvement but everything to do with overworked teacher, large class sizes, minimal resources, and teaching to the test. This hypocrite however has decided to do everything in my power to improve the public school system so that one day the debate over private vs. public will be irrelevant because the differences will not be noticeable.

[Anonymous]

I think all the mothers on this thread are true mothers, but some have truly lost their way. I, too, fell victim to this private school monster a couple of years ago. We showed up at a playdate at a MAJOR school with my DD, who would ONLY wear PJ's at that point in her life. I was MORTIFIED. I was EMBARRASSED. I wanted to crawl into a hole next to all the shiny haired, bowed, princesses. My messy-haired daugther, meanwhile, was the most verbal and the only one potty trained. I remember begging, pleading for her to wear something pretty. No to avail, she was not yet three! I will never forget my feeling of "she will never measure up, they will never see how great she is..."

Then we went home and she was in the car and said, "Mom, I just really love my pajamas. Are you mad at me?" That shame, of not being proud of my daughter for WHO she is, still haunts me a little. That I let a SCHOOL help me judge her is so wrong. I get it, you gotta play to win, but if a SCHOOL cannot see who my daughter is, then FUCK THEM. MY job is to not CONTROL her shyness or outgoing-ness or any of her "nesses." MY job is to encourage, give boundaries and LOVE her NO MATTER WHAT.

I was talking to a major AD a major school the other day on the phone and I said, "Well, if we don't get in, it is all good. My daughter will be fine NO MATTER WHAT" She was shocked and said that was the best thing she had heard all day. And I meant it.

Please Moms, let your kids be who they are. Do not manage them to impress adults they do even know...won't they grow up to be like.....you? Impressing people who don't even know you? This is not a personal process, although these choices feel deeply personal to US. NO ONE wants their kids judged, but it only has as much power as you give it.

Come on people. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all the mothers on this thread are true mothers, but some have truly lost their way. I, too, fell victim to this private school monster a couple of years ago. We showed up at a playdate at a MAJOR school with my DD, who would ONLY wear PJ's at that point in her life. I was MORTIFIED. I was EMBARRASSED. I wanted to crawl into a hole next to all the shiny haired, bowed, princesses. My messy-haired daugther, meanwhile, was the most verbal and the only one potty trained. I remember begging, pleading for her to wear something pretty. No to avail, she was not yet three! I will never forget my feeling of "she will never measure up, they will never see how great she is..."

Then we went home and she was in the car and said, "Mom, I just really love my pajamas. Are you mad at me?" That shame, of not being proud of my daughter for WHO she is, still haunts me a little. That I let a SCHOOL help me judge her is so wrong. I get it, you gotta play to win, but if a SCHOOL cannot see who my daughter is, then FUCK THEM. MY job is to not CONTROL her shyness or outgoing-ness or any of her "nesses." MY job is to encourage, give boundaries and LOVE her NO MATTER WHAT.

I was talking to a major AD a major school the other day on the phone and I said, "Well, if we don't get in, it is all good. My daughter will be fine NO MATTER WHAT" She was shocked and said that was the best thing she had heard all day. And I meant it.

Please Moms, let your kids be who they are. Do not manage them to impress adults they do even know...won't they grow up to be like.....you? Impressing people who don't even know you? This is not a personal process, although these choices feel deeply personal to US. NO ONE wants their kids judged, but it only has as much power as you give it.

Come on people. Come on.

Great post : ) Sounds like she did ok in her PJ's. Also do not hold on to these feelings; as parents we are allowed to make mistakes. Love your baby girl even more to make up for your slip in judgement. She probably does not remember because in the end she got what she wanted; wearing those PJ's. Cute Share!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

I am the PP with the PJ kid and thanks, PP, for the shout-out. That dumb little experience really opened my eyes in an amazing way. You should see my daughter now. She is dressed like a maniac most days and totally happy. And I am proud of her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all the mothers on this thread are true mothers, but some have truly lost their way. I, too, fell victim to this private school monster a couple of years ago. We showed up at a playdate at a MAJOR school with my DD, who would ONLY wear PJ's at that point in her life. I was MORTIFIED. I was EMBARRASSED. I wanted to crawl into a hole next to all the shiny haired, bowed, princesses. My messy-haired daugther, meanwhile, was the most verbal and the only one potty trained. I remember begging, pleading for her to wear something pretty. No to avail, she was not yet three! I will never forget my feeling of "she will never measure up, they will never see how great she is..."

Then we went home and she was in the car and said, "Mom, I just really love my pajamas. Are you mad at me?" That shame, of not being proud of my daughter for WHO she is, still haunts me a little. That I let a SCHOOL help me judge her is so wrong. I get it, you gotta play to win, but if a SCHOOL cannot see who my daughter is, then FUCK THEM. MY job is to not CONTROL her shyness or outgoing-ness or any of her "nesses." MY job is to encourage, give boundaries and LOVE her NO MATTER WHAT.

I was talking to a major AD a major school the other day on the phone and I said, "Well, if we don't get in, it is all good. My daughter will be fine NO MATTER WHAT" She was shocked and said that was the best thing she had heard all day. And I meant it.

Please Moms, let your kids be who they are. Do not manage them to impress adults they do even know...won't they grow up to be like.....you? Impressing people who don't even know you? This is not a personal process, although these choices feel deeply personal to US. NO ONE wants their kids judged, but it only has as much power as you give it.

Come on people. Come on.

Wow. That's terrible what you did to your child.

[Anonymous]

Which part is terrible? That I brought her to the stupid playdate? That I made her feel bad about Pj's? Which? All in all, it was a priceless day for MY motherhood. Can we say the same for everyone else on this board? Will anyone else not try to make their kid "less shy" or "more outgoing?"

Something tells me, PP, that you are an insecure person. Prove me right by responding with something snarky. Go ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Wow. That's terrible what you did to your child.

What a clever contribution to this discussion.

PJ's PP: I enjoyed your post - thanks!