Is this a normal thing for DH to say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband said "I don't think it needs to be done, so I don't have to do it."

This is in relation to a couple things I asked him to do around the house. Not large things, and not all at once. Painting a vent cover to match the wall. Removing a valance the past owner put up. Scrubbing the glass shower stalls of caked on soap scum. He spends 5+ hours on his iPad every night after work, it'd be nice to carve out just an hour for some kind of household project. Instead, he never thinks anything needs to be done which absolves him of any responsibilities while I slave away. I dont mind doing things here and there, but im tired of being the only one pitching in. Seems unfair, but I'm Upset and unreasonable right now.

You tell me. Is it ok for a spouse to say this?

You're asking 2 different questions. Is it normal? Sure, men are lazy. Is it okay? That's up to you.

men are lazy. Men are lazy for you probably. Im a man. I love doing things for the DW. Anything. She comes home to a home cooked meal made by me. Every. Freaking. Day. Last I checked, I fathered 4 kids. Have testicles. Probably a XY chromosomes. Yup. That makes me a male. Oh. Wait. Im over 18. That makes me a man. And I am not lazy.

Now, I can totally see myself being lazy for certain women. Probably I would be if I were trapped in a relationship with the likes of you.

I believe you. What I meant was 'Men who can spell English are lazy,' which doesn't apply to you in whatever trailer park you live in.

Wow. Is this happening? Are we doing this? How about proper grammar? You think men who can spell "English" are lazy? Or did you mean, "Men who can't properly spell in English are lazy?"

Why don't you stick to the issue, and not dance around and trying to distract the issue by attacking how the message is being delivered to you? Yeah, I'd come up with a whole list of shit why I couldn't do anything for you. But the real reason isn't that I couldn't. It's because I wouldn't.....

Go be a spellchecker elsewhere and start treating men with respect. Maybe you'll see that some actually work hard.

Okay, Mrs. Trailer Park.

Hmm, correction. That is Dr. to you (and I'm a Mr.). I didn't go through 8 years of evil medical training just to be called that...mmkay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why should one spouse have to do everything?

Spouse left toilet seat cover up? If it bothers you, you put it down.
Spouse left door open and unlocked? If if bothers you, you close and lock it.
Spouse leaves dishes in the sink? If it bothers you, you wash them.
Spouse leaves dirty clothes on floor? If it bothers you, you wash them?

Bathroom dirty? If it bothers you, you clean it.
Nothing for dinner? If it bothers you, you cook.
Kid is screaming? If it bothers you, you tend to their needs.

He worked all day. But so did you.
It doesn't bother him. He doesn't see the need for it to be done. So he gets to play on I pad and you get to do everything.
Otherwise, you are a controlling bitch?
According to DCUM, apparently, yes.

Sheesh.

Are you married to my husband??

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like something a spoiled child retorts to his mommy.

OP, perhaps he is just tired after work and wants to unwind.

Could you possibly ask him to do this stuff on his days off?
If he still uses that line on you, I strongly suggest you use it on him next time he wants his socks and underwear washed. And his dinner cooked.

Oh yeah...And in the bedroom.....

[Anonymous]

It is amazing to me that women think that cooking, doing laundry and sex is the same as painting a vent cover. I am a DH and I do plenty of stuff around the house. My DW will never work out in the yard and she would never put trash on the curb or anything like that. I do all that stuff with no problem. But if my DW ever said that she was witholding sex or not cooking because I did not do some obscure project that she wanted done, things with go South in a hurry. That is manipulation on the highest level. He is a grown ass man, he does not have to do EVERYTHING you want. I see why so many marriages are in trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is amazing to me that women think that cooking, doing laundry and sex is the same as painting a vent cover. I am a DH and I do plenty of stuff around the house. My DW will never work out in the yard and she would never put trash on the curb or anything like that. I do all that stuff with no problem. But if my DW ever said that she was witholding sex or not cooking because I did not do some obscure project that she wanted done, things with go South in a hurry. That is manipulation on the highest level. He is a grown ass man, he does not have to do EVERYTHING you want. I see why so many marriages are in trouble.

Same here. Signed a wife. Dh and I split up chores and a lot is dependent on what we see as important and that we have a specific way we like it to get done. I like a clutter free bedroom whereas DH doesn't care, so I clean the bedroom and pick up his stuff. Dh likes the yard a certain way so he does all hardworking while I maintain the pool since DH doesn't use it. Pick and choose OP. Get your husband to do things that he likely cares about like clean laundry, grocery shopping, clean dishes etc. And have him do those things. You can do the valences and vent covers and things you think are important. Just make sure that you don't get on his case if he does it a different way than you or if he doesn't do it exactly when you think it should he done.

[Anonymous]

"You're asking 2 different questions. Is it normal? Sure, men are lazy. Is it okay? That's up to you."

Oh, stop it - I know plenty of marriages where the man does more around the house. (I'm a woman.)

I agree that we need to know more, OP. Is your DH an underfunctioning person while you're highly functioning person, leaving you to do the bulk of the work on most things? Is he angry about something and taking it out on you by not helping out around the house and ignoring you via his iPad? Or do you split the chores/childcare mostly fairly, but you just have higher standards or want more done around the house than he does?

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman, and I would find it annoying to be bugged about things I don't think are important, or aren't really noticing. I also like to have some notice before I'm asked to do something (especially if it's unexpected, and/or not something that would be high on my list of priorities at all). I don't think that means I'm immature. Life is short, and I'd rather spend time on things that are on my "A" or "B" list.

[Anonymous]

Moral of the story: marry someone who is handy around the house.

My father never did anything around the house. he couldn't fix anything. I think he mowed the lawn and that was about it.

My DH loves to remodel and fix stuff. It is really great.

I don't know how you can make DH want to do this. I think there are handymen and non-handymen. but i think your best bet is to ask on the weekends and not after work when he is chilling out. He doesn't sound very helpful at all. But was he ever helpful? maybe you made your bed? I don't know. what can you do to motivate him to be more helpful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, OP. Coming from my point of view -- I'm a woman for what it's worth -- I don't see the need to paint the vent cover to match the wall. I don't get it.

Also, I work full time. When I come home, I don't want to scrub showers, I don't want to remove valances. If these things truly bother you, why don't YOU do them? I don't understand that.

Yes, in your defense, his response is insensitive. It's not how he should phrase his feelings. He should say something like "Honey, I'm tired, I'll get to it another time." But he's honest instead. He says he doesn't think it needs doing.

Is this really about a shower door? You sound terribly controlling? Hire a damn handyman.

+ Another Zillion

I want to know more about the situation.
1) Do YOU do stuff HE wants done after work? The number one thing he wants? Can you guess? Are you too tired to do that? If that answer is yes, then you have your answer as to why he doesn't want to do boring, physical labor after a long day of work.
2) Aren't women complaining they're equal and can do all the things a man can do? Then do it yourself. Geez. You "don't need a man" so don't need him for that.
3) Go back to 1 and REALLY answer honestly. Men are simple in this regard. He wants one thing (or a variety of that one thing). Is he getting that ONE thing for the 1,000,000,000 things you want done?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why should one spouse have to do everything?

Spouse left toilet seat cover up? If it bothers you, you put it down.
Spouse left door open and unlocked? If if bothers you, you close and lock it.
Spouse leaves dishes in the sink? If it bothers you, you wash them.
Spouse leaves dirty clothes on floor? If it bothers you, you wash them?

Bathroom dirty? If it bothers you, you clean it.
Nothing for dinner? If it bothers you, you cook.
Kid is screaming? If it bothers you, you tend to their needs.

He worked all day. But so did you.
It doesn't bother him. He doesn't see the need for it to be done. So he gets to play on I pad and you get to do everything.
Otherwise, you are a controlling bitch?
According to DCUM, apparently, yes.

Sheesh.

The toilet seat one has always made me laugh. Do you ladies walk into a dark kitchen and ASSUME a chair is where it should be, go to sit, and fall on your ass? If the answer is no, then take the 2 seconds to check the toilet seat. Either that or we will leave it down and accidentally pee on it. Since when has the man been The Master of the Toilet Seat!!! ?

[Anonymous]

Regardless of whether or not her DH should be doing the chores she references, if his response is verbatim what she recounted, he is really, really immature. Isn't there a more respectful way to convey that he doesn't think these tasks are necessary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great. Then you don't think his laundry needs to be washed, or his meals need to be cooked.
or that he needs BJs.
Two way street.

Except he probably does his own laundry (don't most men?) and cooks his own meals (don't most men?)

The blowjobs can be outsourced. No problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband said "I don't think it needs to be done, so I don't have to do it."

This is in relation to a couple things I asked him to do around the house. Not large things, and not all at once. Painting a vent cover to match the wall. Removing a valance the past owner put up. Scrubbing the glass shower stalls of caked on soap scum. He spends 5+ hours on his iPad every night after work, it'd be nice to carve out just an hour for some kind of household project. Instead, he never thinks anything needs to be done which absolves him of any responsibilities while I slave away. I dont mind doing things here and there, but im tired of being the only one pitching in. Seems unfair, but I'm Upset and unreasonable right now.

You tell me. Is it ok for a spouse to say this?

No. It's super annoying. Do you guys have a maid? Or are you the maid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regardless of whether or not her DH should be doing the chores she references, if his response is verbatim what she recounted, he is really, really immature. Isn't there a more respectful way to convey that he doesn't think these tasks are necessary?

It sounds like a response given only in response to extended badgering, not a phrase he whipped out the first time he was asked. She has no right to behave like a task master.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of whether or not her DH should be doing the chores she references, if his response is verbatim what she recounted, he is really, really immature. Isn't there a more respectful way to convey that he doesn't think these tasks are necessary?


It sounds like a response given only in response to extended badgering, not a phrase he whipped out the first time he was asked. She has no right to behave like a task master.

No, she doesn't, but he is not helping things by behaving like a 15 year old boy. I don't know why you feel compelled to stick up for this man, just because OP is in the wrong doesn't put him in the right -both of their behavior is inappropriate.