Bullying on Bus - It's staaarting....

[Anonymous]

I have to ask--should we deal with bullying by driving our kids to school and/or paying for private? Do we pay taxes for only bullies and their parents to enjoy a free education and transportation?

Bullies ultimately want to win. You drive or quit school--they win.

I've dealt with bullying since pre-K, and I never put my DC in a dangerous situation. But you can bet I go to the teacher, the school, or the parents (though the last never works) when it reaches levels that my DC can't handle. We paid a ton of money to live in neighborhood with "good schools," and I'm not letting an 8-year-old derail our life plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to ask--should we deal with bullying by driving our kids to school and/or paying for private? Do we pay taxes for only bullies and their parents to enjoy a free education and transportation?

Bullies ultimately want to win. You drive or quit school--they win.

I've dealt with bullying since pre-K, and I never put my DC in a dangerous situation. But you can bet I go to the teacher, the school, or the parents (though the last never works) when it reaches levels that my DC can't handle. We paid a ton of money to live in neighborhood with "good schools," and I'm not letting an 8-year-old derail our life plan.

My child's happiness and education is not worth the cost of a 'win'. Ultimately, bullies will lose because kids who are bullies tend to get into trouble with the law later in life.

A good school is relative. Our high school is top-rated in the country but the climate there is stifling. The problem with not letting an 8 year old (or however age) derail your life plan is that your kid pays the price if the administration is unwilling or unable to handle the situation effectively.

Did you know that if you give the chance for the school to resolve it and they don't, the county then has to shell out for private school tuition? I didn't pull this ripcord, but apparently, it's true.

[Anonymous]

bus driver needs to be fired, parents locked up and kid put in CPS foster home far away from your family. problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My child's happiness and education is not worth the cost of a 'win'. Ultimately, bullies will lose because kids who are bullies tend to get into trouble with the law later in life.

Unfortunately, that's not true. A lot of the old ideas about bullies have been proven wrong--they tend to have very high-esteem and are not the losers we like to think they are. It's true that violent kids tend to get into trouble later in life, but most of the bullying we're talking about involves cellphones, not fistfights.

A good school is relative. Our high school is top-rated in the country but the climate there is stifling. The problem with not letting an 8 year old (or however age) derail your life plan is that your kid pays the price if the administration is unwilling or unable to handle the situation effectively.

Did you know that if you give the chance for the school to resolve it and they don't, the county then has to shell out for private school tuition? I didn't pull this ripcord, but apparently, it's true.

This is an argument for exactly what I said--take it up with the school and try to solve the issue rather than run away from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:. I told him that if that doesn't work, that he can take his hands, place them on the kid's chest (sort of pushing the kid away / blocking the kid from squeezing him), and while he's doing that, to look him in the eye and say "NO!!"

I get where you are coming from, but once your child hits school age, touching another kid, even in young grades, can result in suspension even where the touching is responsive to another person's unwanted touch. You might want to ask your school if they have a protocol that they are teaching the kids. I'm a ways from preschool, but I know by pre-k, our kids were learning "de-bug" and that I just heard a new one this year at our ES but I can't remember it.

Interesting, I am the PP. Does it work, for the most part?

Dang, things have changed since we were all in school!!

Well, I think it teaches kids that they are entitled to be free from harassment. It teaches your kid to to go teachers It keeps your kid from getting suspended.

My personal experience is that ES is not great at dealing with bullying, but that MS was fantastic about protecting my son and dealing (in some cases severly - one kid got expelled after a single incident) with bullies. No problems yet in HS.

One thing that I was told repeatedly in MS is that you never want to tell your child to retaliate. You always want to let the adults handle it. You never know who's friends with whom and who belongs to what gang and which relatives are going to show up and retaliate back against your kid. I was scared into submission on this point after getting many examples of quite serious injuries sustained by the victim who retaliated. I realize you are a long way from this age, but the lessons we teach at a young age stick with our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:. I told him that if that doesn't work, that he can take his hands, place them on the kid's chest (sort of pushing the kid away / blocking the kid from squeezing him), and while he's doing that, to look him in the eye and say "NO!!"

I get where you are coming from, but once your child hits school age, touching another kid, even in young grades, can result in suspension even where the touching is responsive to another person's unwanted touch. You might want to ask your school if they have a protocol that they are teaching the kids. I'm a ways from preschool, but I know by pre-k, our kids were learning "de-bug" and that I just heard a new one this year at our ES but I can't remember it.

The law states self defense is A-OK. The law takes precedent, protocol or not. If the school punishes the child who responds in self-defense, you escalate. Period, end of story. Bullies rely on this type of behavior from administration because it encourages the bullied to do nothing - why bother if you get punished too

Only in Court, not in school. It's a zero tolerence policy in school, not stand your ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:. I told him that if that doesn't work, that he can take his hands, place them on the kid's chest (sort of pushing the kid away / blocking the kid from squeezing him), and while he's doing that, to look him in the eye and say "NO!!"

I get where you are coming from, but once your child hits school age, touching another kid, even in young grades, can result in suspension even where the touching is responsive to another person's unwanted touch. You might want to ask your school if they have a protocol that they are teaching the kids. I'm a ways from preschool, but I know by pre-k, our kids were learning "de-bug" and that I just heard a new one this year at our ES but I can't remember it.

The law states self defense is A-OK. The law takes precedent, protocol or not. If the school punishes the child who responds in self-defense, you escalate. Period, end of story. Bullies rely on this type of behavior from administration because it encourages the bullied to do nothing - why bother if you get punished too

Only in Court, not in school. It's a zero tolerence policy in school, not stand your ground.

The school's policies don't supersede law. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:. I told him that if that doesn't work, that he can take his hands, place them on the kid's chest (sort of pushing the kid away / blocking the kid from squeezing him), and while he's doing that, to look him in the eye and say "NO!!"

I get where you are coming from, but once your child hits school age, touching another kid, even in young grades, can result in suspension even where the touching is responsive to another person's unwanted touch. You might want to ask your school if they have a protocol that they are teaching the kids. I'm a ways from preschool, but I know by pre-k, our kids were learning "de-bug" and that I just heard a new one this year at our ES but I can't remember it.

The law states self defense is A-OK. The law takes precedent, protocol or not. If the school punishes the child who responds in self-defense, you escalate. Period, end of story. Bullies rely on this type of behavior from administration because it encourages the bullied to do nothing - why bother if you get punished too

In FCPS they will be suspended for defending themselves. It is why they set up the committee to overhaul the SR&R. Which they did and can you guess how many of the suggestions the School Board enacted? Out of 52? 53? changes suggested exactly zero were accepted.

They are also allowed to interogate your child, get them to write and sign a statement BEFORE they contact the parent. BTDT, kid got the suspension for defending himself. I have instructed MY children to NOT wirte or sign ANYTHING until we have arrived and okayed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:. I told him that if that doesn't work, that he can take his hands, place them on the kid's chest (sort of pushing the kid away / blocking the kid from squeezing him), and while he's doing that, to look him in the eye and say "NO!!"

I get where you are coming from, but once your child hits school age, touching another kid, even in young grades, can result in suspension even where the touching is responsive to another person's unwanted touch. You might want to ask your school if they have a protocol that they are teaching the kids. I'm a ways from preschool, but I know by pre-k, our kids were learning "de-bug" and that I just heard a new one this year at our ES but I can't remember it.

The law states self defense is A-OK. The law takes precedent, protocol or not. If the school punishes the child who responds in self-defense, you escalate. Period, end of story. Bullies rely on this type of behavior from administration because it encourages the bullied to do nothing - why bother if you get punished too

Only in Court, not in school. It's a zero tolerence policy in school, not stand your ground.

The school's policies don't supersede law. Period.

Have you even been reading the paper regarding FCPS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My child's happiness and education is not worth the cost of a 'win'. Ultimately, bullies will lose because kids who are bullies tend to get into trouble with the law later in life.

Unfortunately, that's not true. A lot of the old ideas about bullies have been proven wrong--they tend to have very high-esteem and are not the losers we like to think they are. It's true that violent kids tend to get into trouble later in life, but most of the bullying we're talking about involves cellphones, not fistfights.

A good school is relative. Our high school is top-rated in the country but the climate there is stifling. The problem with not letting an 8 year old (or however age) derail your life plan is that your kid pays the price if the administration is unwilling or unable to handle the situation effectively.

Did you know that if you give the chance for the school to resolve it and they don't, the county then has to shell out for private school tuition? I didn't pull this ripcord, but apparently, it's true.

This is an argument for exactly what I said--take it up with the school and try to solve the issue rather than run away from it.

High self esteem leads people prone to bullying to believe they are above the law. Cellphones provide a trail - much easier to convict with a 'paper' trail.

You take it up with the school and give them a chance to solve it. If they don't, take your kid out. One should not sacrifice their child to make a point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:. I told him that if that doesn't work, that he can take his hands, place them on the kid's chest (sort of pushing the kid away / blocking the kid from squeezing him), and while he's doing that, to look him in the eye and say "NO!!"

I get where you are coming from, but once your child hits school age, touching another kid, even in young grades, can result in suspension even where the touching is responsive to another person's unwanted touch. You might want to ask your school if they have a protocol that they are teaching the kids. I'm a ways from preschool, but I know by pre-k, our kids were learning "de-bug" and that I just heard a new one this year at our ES but I can't remember it.

The law states self defense is A-OK. The law takes precedent, protocol or not. If the school punishes the child who responds in self-defense, you escalate. Period, end of story. Bullies rely on this type of behavior from administration because it encourages the bullied to do nothing - why bother if you get punished too

In FCPS they will be suspended for defending themselves. It is why they set up the committee to overhaul the SR&R. Which they did and can you guess how many of the suggestions the School Board enacted? Out of 52? 53? changes suggested exactly zero were accepted.

They are also allowed to interogate your child, get them to write and sign a statement BEFORE they contact the parent. BTDT, kid got the suspension for defending himself. I have instructed MY children to NOT wirte or sign ANYTHING until we have arrived and okayed it.

I will do that, thank you. They suspend my kid for defending himself, they will find themselves in court, with media attention. FCPS school board believes themselves above the law. Not so.

[Anonymous]

So I am late to this but wanted to mention a couple of things on the thread as bullying will be a likely issue at many schools. The school bus is clearly the responsibility of MCPS, as is the school, and it sounds like the school is taking appropriate actions. Obviously, if the behavior does not stop, then something more will need to be done and I disagree with the suggestions to drive your son to school, have him put his stuff away or fight back (probably the worst suggestion, ever see a fight in soccer with the second guy always getting the penalty). But I think the more times you call the father a drunk, or mention the sister, the more you lose any credibility. It does not matter why the kid is bully but, by the same measure, the school is not a roving resolution committee. If the appropriate place to deal with this is the kid's family, the fact that it may be unresponsive does mot mean the school is next up. And I think this relates to the instagram postings -- this is a difficult and tricky issue but surely the school cannot be, and should not be, a roving eye on the internet. There does become a point when the postings spill over into the school and it needs to become involved but it is a difficult line to define, and I think increasing schools are being asked to intervene in all kind of extra school affairs (I fully expect at some soccer game among kids who go to school together there might one day be a referee and a school official to ensure no hurt feelings etc., and thereafter at playdates etc.). There is also a point when the police should get involved, it does not sound like that yet, but the fact that the family is unresponsive does not force the non-school related issues onto the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:. I told him that if that doesn't work, that he can take his hands, place them on the kid's chest (sort of pushing the kid away / blocking the kid from squeezing him), and while he's doing that, to look him in the eye and say "NO!!"

I get where you are coming from, but once your child hits school age, touching another kid, even in young grades, can result in suspension even where the touching is responsive to another person's unwanted touch. You might want to ask your school if they have a protocol that they are teaching the kids. I'm a ways from preschool, but I know by pre-k, our kids were learning "de-bug" and that I just heard a new one this year at our ES but I can't remember it.

The law states self defense is A-OK. The law takes precedent, protocol or not. If the school punishes the child who responds in self-defense, you escalate. Period, end of story. Bullies rely on this type of behavior from administration because it encourages the bullied to do nothing - why bother if you get punished too

Only in Court, not in school. It's a zero tolerence policy in school, not stand your ground.

The school's policies don't supersede law. Period.

Have you even been reading the paper regarding FCPS?

You're assuming FCPS is the only solution, so their zero tolerance policy matters. It doesn't. What matters is a child's safety. And a child has a right to defend himself. If he/she gets expelled for that, you simply move it higher and higher, until someone has some common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck with this. My little brother was bullied horribly in elementary school, and I wished my parents did something about it.

Thank you. Won't happen here. I push back and so does my kid.

How do you teach your kid to push back? I've got a 3 year old, so I have some time before middle school, but as someone who was bullied for years without ever being taught how to stand up for myself, I'd like to give my daughter the tools she'll need. I push back now, but it was a long, difficult road figuring out how, and I didn't really get it down until I was an adult. I'd like to spare my daughter that. What did you do?

Put her in tae kwon do. Teaches self defense...but primarily confidence and assertiveness.

[Anonymous]

One thing OP...and I am definitely not in the blame the victim camp but ask your son or try to get a sense of whether he tries to hang out with these boys ever. Based on your postings, I am guessing no but there is a very sweet girl in my DD's class who is bullied partially because she wants to be friends with these mean girls. She is sweet and doesn't understand the social dynamics. It doesn't make it right but I would triple check that angle. Also, I agree with PP's who say be careful with your demands with the school. If I were in your situation, I would want immediate action. I'm sure the kid is known to the administration already but they are under political stress in how they handle this. BTW- Sometimes being right/ proving your right isn't the best outcome. For example if you have a green light and someone is barreling through a red light (opposite direction) are you willing to pass through the intersection and potentially get yourself killed. Extreme example, but what difference does it make that you had the right away if you get killed. I suppose you could put it on your gravestone. Things like this go on everywhere. When I was young, the bullies/bullied only in the afternoon so I would walk home (3 mile walk). My parents could have complained but if they did, I personally believed my personal safety would have been in jeopardy. Walking home didn't hurt me at all. It was a great way to clear my mind. There are a lot of things like this is life (not fair). Tread carefully.