Bullying on Bus - It's staaarting....

[Anonymous]

I second the PP who recommended filing a MoCo Bully Form, particularly because the bullies and your son are in different schools.

FWIW, we had a developing issue (milder with my younger DD) which appears to have been nipped in the bud. All that I did was send an email to our MoCo principal. I know the parent of the child in this case, she is strange and I didn't know how she would react so I did not bring it up with her directly. Principal wrote me an email back to say that she'd talked to the child and the safety patrol and we have not had problems since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:.

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When it comes to bullying, in addition to relying on the school, and our MoCo school has been great, I tell my so. That he has to minimize his attractiveness as a target.

And when a kid is simply minding his own business, looking out the window, and becomes the target (look at that kid 'spacing out', etc), how does one do this?

Let's put this differently: How would, say, my Asperger's nephew minimize his attractiveness as a target? By not having Aspergers?

Some kids are just mean. These kids have a history of being mean. Mean kids need to be stopped in their tracks, not pushed to the next target.

I am not suggesting that victims are to blame, only that kids do what they can to avoid being a target. It can mean many things depending on the circumstances and in some circumstances nothing can be done and you have to rely on the school professionals to handle it. Of course mean kids need to be stopped, but bullying is never going away totally so I do what I can with my kids to help the minimize their risk, especially my one who has, sadly, been the victim of bullying over the years. You may stop a bully after the fact, but for someone to be labeled a bully, there has to be a victim.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any suggestions but wanted to offer my sympathy to you and your son. That is such a hard thing to go through. I hope that you continue to get a good response from the school administration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck with this. My little brother was bullied horribly in elementary school, and I wished my parents did something about it.

Thank you. Won't happen here. I push back and so does my kid.

How do you teach your kid to push back? I've got a 3 year old, so I have some time before middle school, but as someone who was bullied for years without ever being taught how to stand up for myself, I'd like to give my daughter the tools she'll need. I push back now, but it was a long, difficult road figuring out how, and I didn't really get it down until I was an adult. I'd like to spare my daughter that. What did you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I second the PP who recommended filing a MoCo Bully Form, particularly because the bullies and your son are in different schools.

FWIW, we had a developing issue (milder with my younger DD) which appears to have been nipped in the bud. All that I did was send an email to our MoCo principal. I know the parent of the child in this case, she is strange and I didn't know how she would react so I did not bring it up with her directly. Principal wrote me an email back to say that she'd talked to the child and the safety patrol and we have not had problems since.

No, she said that her son and the bully have lockers right by one another and that they share at least one class. Are you reading at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I second the PP who recommended filing a MoCo Bully Form, particularly because the bullies and your son are in different schools.

FWIW, we had a developing issue (milder with my younger DD) which appears to have been nipped in the bud. All that I did was send an email to our MoCo principal. I know the parent of the child in this case, she is strange and I didn't know how she would react so I did not bring it up with her directly. Principal wrote me an email back to say that she'd talked to the child and the safety patrol and we have not had problems since.

No, she said that her son and the bully have lockers right by one another and that they share at least one class. Are you reading at all?

9:12, you are the one who isn't reading. Filing a MoCo bully form isn't going to do much good, since the OP lives in VIRGINIA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck with this. My little brother was bullied horribly in elementary school, and I wished my parents did something about it.

Thank you. Won't happen here. I push back and so does my kid.

How do you teach your kid to push back? I've got a 3 year old, so I have some time before middle school, but as someone who was bullied for years without ever being taught how to stand up for myself, I'd like to give my daughter the tools she'll need. I push back now, but it was a long, difficult road figuring out how, and I didn't really get it down until I was an adult. I'd like to spare my daughter that. What did you do?

I am the PP that wrote the original comment about wishing my mom intervened. I have a three year old, too.

He is in pre-school, and there is a boy who comes over to him and squeezes him until my son gets very upset. The other child is also only three years old, and obviously not yet a "bully." However, I taught my son to say "no thank you!!" when he's had enough of the squeezing. I told him that if that doesn't work, that he can take his hands, place them on the kid's chest (sort of pushing the kid away / blocking the kid from squeezing him), and while he's doing that, to look him in the eye and say "NO!!"

My husband and I talk to my son and tell him that NO ONE has permission to touch his body without his permission. We also practice the move above in our living room so that my son can get more comfortable doing it.

I think you are handling this really well, OP. My oldest is only three, so I cannot fully relate (YET!) but it must be maddening to deal with parents who are just unwilling to take issue with their own kids. The bully has a sad situation at home, but that ain't your kid's problem!!

[Anonymous]

. I told him that if that doesn't work, that he can take his hands, place them on the kid's chest (sort of pushing the kid away / blocking the kid from squeezing him), and while he's doing that, to look him in the eye and say "NO!!"

I get where you are coming from, but once your child hits school age, touching another kid, even in young grades, can result in suspension even where the touching is responsive to another person's unwanted touch. You might want to ask your school if they have a protocol that they are teaching the kids. I'm a ways from preschool, but I know by pre-k, our kids were learning "de-bug" and that I just heard a new one this year at our ES but I can't remember it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. VP called. First step is to move the tormentors a few seats up on the bus and closer to the driver. My son is under instruction to tell me if the two bother him in classes as well; they did in the one class they have together.

Sounds like a good first step. My son does defend himself when pushed to the wall - and did - so hopefully they will move on to the next kid, and that will 'out' them as troublemakers like it did in elementary. They are not well-liked on the whole so picking on kids (they try it with a few others as well) is probably their way of getting noticed.

Sounds like a good first step the school has taken, OP. You'll need to let your son go back to riding the bus to confirm that it works. We had a similar experience, with a similar response at our school, and it seems to have worked well. School emphasized to both DS and me that if there were any further issues, we should contact them, and they would follow up with further consequences.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:. I told him that if that doesn't work, that he can take his hands, place them on the kid's chest (sort of pushing the kid away / blocking the kid from squeezing him), and while he's doing that, to look him in the eye and say "NO!!"

I get where you are coming from, but once your child hits school age, touching another kid, even in young grades, can result in suspension even where the touching is responsive to another person's unwanted touch. You might want to ask your school if they have a protocol that they are teaching the kids. I'm a ways from preschool, but I know by pre-k, our kids were learning "de-bug" and that I just heard a new one this year at our ES but I can't remember it.

Interesting, I am the PP. Does it work, for the most part?

Dang, things have changed since we were all in school!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck with this. My little brother was bullied horribly in elementary school, and I wished my parents did something about it.

Thank you. Won't happen here. I push back and so does my kid.

How do you teach your kid to push back? I've got a 3 year old, so I have some time before middle school, but as someone who was bullied for years without ever being taught how to stand up for myself, I'd like to give my daughter the tools she'll need. I push back now, but it was a long, difficult road figuring out how, and I didn't really get it down until I was an adult. I'd like to spare my daughter that. What did you do?

They have to first try to ignore, but then get enough crazy in their eyes that the bullies think they are going to be struck My son stood up with fire in his eyes and looked as if he was going to cream the kid. He put his hands out as if to shove him - in the past he HAS shoved a friend of the family's kid who sometimes acts like a bully on the playground. The kid looked surprised and said "I didn't do ANYTHING to you". He honestly didn't recognize his own words as being anything that would piss someone off, probably because Dad does the same thing to Mom and everyone seems to think it's funny. Is it any wonder both of his boys have been benched for bad sportsmanship on the field?

My daughter, now she's a tough cookie on her own. She once laid a kid out on the field - a BIG kid (she's tiny) - by pushing behind his knees because he was bullying another small kid.

When my son stood up, the boys got frightened and that seemed to stop it. My son, though, was shook up afterwards, because he's not sure it will stop permanently. He just wants to go to school - he's got friends there. These two kids go out of their way to torment him, but then, are trouble-makers anyway.

Their school records show multiple trips to the principle in elementary. Does that follow a kid to the next school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any suggestions but wanted to offer my sympathy to you and your son. That is such a hard thing to go through. I hope that you continue to get a good response from the school administration.

Thank you. So far so good. My daughter had a great experience there, my eldest son, not so much. Both my boys are tech kids, not sports kids, and that seems to make them targets at this particular school. I will move him to private if this can't be resolved. Worked for my eldest. He had a GREAT four years of high school.

My friend's daughter had things thrown at her ON THE BUS, can you imagine? My friend started taking her daughter to and from school, but her daughter said it was still hell. They moved her to private - problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck with this. My little brother was bullied horribly in elementary school, and I wished my parents did something about it.

Thank you. Won't happen here. I push back and so does my kid.

How do you teach your kid to push back? I've got a 3 year old, so I have some time before middle school, but as someone who was bullied for years without ever being taught how to stand up for myself, I'd like to give my daughter the tools she'll need. I push back now, but it was a long, difficult road figuring out how, and I didn't really get it down until I was an adult. I'd like to spare my daughter that. What did you do?

I am the PP that wrote the original comment about wishing my mom intervened. I have a three year old, too.

He is in pre-school, and there is a boy who comes over to him and squeezes him until my son gets very upset. The other child is also only three years old, and obviously not yet a "bully." However, I taught my son to say "no thank you!!" when he's had enough of the squeezing. I told him that if that doesn't work, that he can take his hands, place them on the kid's chest (sort of pushing the kid away / blocking the kid from squeezing him), and while he's doing that, to look him in the eye and say "NO!!"

My husband and I talk to my son and tell him that NO ONE has permission to touch his body without his permission. We also practice the move above in our living room so that my son can get more comfortable doing it.

I think you are handling this really well, OP. My oldest is only three, so I cannot fully relate (YET!) but it must be maddening to deal with parents who are just unwilling to take issue with their own kids. The bully has a sad situation at home, but that ain't your kid's problem!!

OP here, thank you.

If that boy touches your kid, the law says your kid can fight back, so teaching him to push the kid away and block him is perfect. If the preschool ever tries to punish your child for doing this, be sure to tell them that is NOT appropriate because often times, it's the administration that gives the message kids have to take it; that they are wrong for using self-defense as a means of determent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. VP called. First step is to move the tormentors a few seats up on the bus and closer to the driver. My son is under instruction to tell me if the two bother him in classes as well; they did in the one class they have together.

Sounds like a good first step. My son does defend himself when pushed to the wall - and did - so hopefully they will move on to the next kid, and that will 'out' them as troublemakers like it did in elementary. They are not well-liked on the whole so picking on kids (they try it with a few others as well) is probably their way of getting noticed.

Sounds like a good first step the school has taken, OP. You'll need to let your son go back to riding the bus to confirm that it works. We had a similar experience, with a similar response at our school, and it seems to have worked well. School emphasized to both DS and me that if there were any further issues, we should contact them, and they would follow up with further consequences.
Good luck!

I will do so. Will pick him up today as planned and have him ride tomorrow. He'll probably want to do so anyway. If they give him crap on the way there, I will pick him up and escalate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:. I told him that if that doesn't work, that he can take his hands, place them on the kid's chest (sort of pushing the kid away / blocking the kid from squeezing him), and while he's doing that, to look him in the eye and say "NO!!"

I get where you are coming from, but once your child hits school age, touching another kid, even in young grades, can result in suspension even where the touching is responsive to another person's unwanted touch. You might want to ask your school if they have a protocol that they are teaching the kids. I'm a ways from preschool, but I know by pre-k, our kids were learning "de-bug" and that I just heard a new one this year at our ES but I can't remember it.

The law states self defense is A-OK. The law takes precedent, protocol or not. If the school punishes the child who responds in self-defense, you escalate. Period, end of story. Bullies rely on this type of behavior from administration because it encourages the bullied to do nothing - why bother if you get punished too