Siblings with very different financial situations

[Anonymous]

Glad the airline tickets worked out. OP -- the other PPs raise a good point, how often do you go to his house. Of course invite him and his family to your house to enjoy the pool, tennis courts etc, but go over to his house just as much and obviously without making comments about how quaint it is or how much it reminds you of your first home. You don't mention any kids for either of you, but assuming you both have kids, you want your kids to be able to play with their cousins and appreciate what the cousins have without turning into the type of kids who say "well at my house, we have x, y, z, I cant believe you don't have that." Not saying this is an issue but certainly be on the lookout for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi was in a very similar situation but with my sister. She is married to a very very wealthy man, the top 1% kind of wealthy. For the first few years I was insanely jealous of the multiple houses, the cars, trips, her designer wardrobe,etc....but after a while she confided in me that though she loves her husband she wasn't totally happy and she actually went into a depression. Money does not buy happiness is my point. She had a rough couple of years but after therapy and meds, shes doing much better. She has all the things people think they need and want but what she really wanted was her husband to be around more and to have a simpler life, they always have people working in their homes and always jetting off here and there and with his job, they literally are out 4-5 nights a week. She looked at me one day and said "i am actually jealous of you and your life". I am a graphic designer, my husband owns a small construction company so we live a typical middle class life and this took me by surprise.

So OP this is my long winded way of saying though to you he might be struggling he might actually still be really happy. I think you sound kind though and just have his best interest at heart. Offer him the tickets but he is adamant about not taking you up, let it go. Enjoy the wedding!

Yes, that's RIGHT!!! All people with money are just MISERABLE! Feel better now?

[Anonymous]

OP, instead of focusing on your brother, focus on the kids. Why not send a few time a year care packages with clothing for each of the kids and a few new toys. Or, gift cards for each for new shoes. You can help buy being a great aunt. We have several friends who send us a bunch of outfits and a few toys just randomly (and at birthday and christmas) - not even anything elaborate but its nice to know they are thinking of us. Every six months or so, one in particular asks the sizing and what we need/want. When in doubt, she'll guess and buy the next size up so I can put it away for next year. Its not the actual stuff, but the thought I appreciate. Plus, who doesn't love getting packages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, instead of focusing on your brother, focus on the kids. Why not send a few time a year care packages with clothing for each of the kids and a few new toys. Or, gift cards for each for new shoes. You can help buy being a great aunt. We have several friends who send us a bunch of outfits and a few toys just randomly (and at birthday and christmas) - not even anything elaborate but its nice to know they are thinking of us. Every six months or so, one in particular asks the sizing and what we need/want. When in doubt, she'll guess and buy the next size up so I can put it away for next year. Its not the actual stuff, but the thought I appreciate. Plus, who doesn't love getting packages.

People who pride themselves in taking care of their families themselves don't want your care packages. Being a great aunt does not mean buying shoes and clothes for your niece/nephew. Spend time with the kids but don't humiliate their hard-working parents unless you are asked for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glad the airline tickets worked out. OP -- the other PPs raise a good point, how often do you go to his house. Of course invite him and his family to your house to enjoy the pool, tennis courts etc, but go over to his house just as much and obviously without making comments about how quaint it is or how much it reminds you of your first home. You don't mention any kids for either of you, but assuming you both have kids, you want your kids to be able to play with their cousins and appreciate what the cousins have without turning into the type of kids who say "well at my house, we have x, y, z, I cant believe you don't have that." Not saying this is an issue but certainly be on the lookout for it.

Hi its the OP. Our kids see each other often and yes we go to his house a few times a month, and love going. He lives in a wonderful neighborhood that my kids (younger) love going to and they go trick or treating every Halloween there, its such a fun place to visit, kids are everywhere and according to my kids "there is no better place at Halloween". Thanks though for the reminder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, instead of focusing on your brother, focus on the kids. Why not send a few time a year care packages with clothing for each of the kids and a few new toys. Or, gift cards for each for new shoes. You can help buy being a great aunt. We have several friends who send us a bunch of outfits and a few toys just randomly (and at birthday and christmas) - not even anything elaborate but its nice to know they are thinking of us. Every six months or so, one in particular asks the sizing and what we need/want. When in doubt, she'll guess and buy the next size up so I can put it away for next year. Its not the actual stuff, but the thought I appreciate. Plus, who doesn't love getting packages.

People who pride themselves in taking care of their families themselves don't want your care packages. Being a great aunt does not mean buying shoes and clothes for your niece/nephew. Spend time with the kids but don't humiliate their hard-working parents unless you are asked for help.

Seriously? We are very comfortable and not struggling at all. Love the gifts. It is not about the money but the thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, instead of focusing on your brother, focus on the kids. Why not send a few time a year care packages with clothing for each of the kids and a few new toys. Or, gift cards for each for new shoes. You can help buy being a great aunt. We have several friends who send us a bunch of outfits and a few toys just randomly (and at birthday and christmas) - not even anything elaborate but its nice to know they are thinking of us. Every six months or so, one in particular asks the sizing and what we need/want. When in doubt, she'll guess and buy the next size up so I can put it away for next year. Its not the actual stuff, but the thought I appreciate. Plus, who doesn't love getting packages.

People who pride themselves in taking care of their families themselves don't want your care packages. Being a great aunt does not mean buying shoes and clothes for your niece/nephew. Spend time with the kids but don't humiliate their hard-working parents unless you are asked for help.

Seriously? We are very comfortable and not struggling at all. Love the gifts. It is not about the money but the thought.

Yes, seriously. OP's brother has made his feelings clear.