Sex in a Teenager's Bedroom? What say you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



Your kid and friend wouldn't be "openly" having sex in your kid's room, in your house -- unless they left the door open. Your kid and friend would be doing whatever it was they were doing, in your kid's room, which might include sex or might not. You wouldn't know what they were doing in there unless they told you. (Or, I suppose, if you eavesdropped, which I would consider "ew".)

If you don't ever want to inadvertently over hear your kid having sex in their room and you find the prospect of doing so "ew" than I would suggest that you also not allow your kids to be alone in their rooms with their boyfriends/girlfriends. No reason to put yourself through such trauma .

Huh? Who said anything about inadvertently overhearing? What I find "ew" is eavesdropping to find out if what your kid and friend are doing in the room is having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, H*ll no.

I'm not going to insist that my kids wait until they get married (it would be nice if they did that, but not my call) but NO WAY would I let my high school aged teen openly have sex in their room, in my house.

What about once they hit college? Could they bring their boyfriend home to stay in your house?

Well, sure. But most likely not in the same room.

I had a serious boyfriend when I was in college but we NEVER expected to have sex in our parents' houses. Ever. Having their "approval" to do so would have felt really awkward and wrong and really UNsexy.

Same here, which makes me more open to the idea.

I was chatting with DH about this topic and how if we let our kid's boy/girlfriend over then we should indicate to our teen that we would also have sex. DH thought that would be just cruel to our son. Fair, but it enforces the idea that sex is an adult activity.

I hope you are joking because thats pretty disgusting and shows a complete lack of boundaries. Parents should not discuss their sex lives with their children, period.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread is just making my chest tighten and I can barely breathe. I have a 12, 13 and 14 year old. That is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



Your kid and friend wouldn't be "openly" having sex in your kid's room, in your house -- unless they left the door open. Your kid and friend would be doing whatever it was they were doing, in your kid's room, which might include sex or might not. You wouldn't know what they were doing in there unless they told you. (Or, I suppose, if you eavesdropped, which I would consider "ew".)

If you don't ever want to inadvertently over hear your kid having sex in their room and you find the prospect of doing so "ew" than I would suggest that you also not allow your kids to be alone in their rooms with their boyfriends/girlfriends. No reason to put yourself through such trauma .

Huh? Who said anything about inadvertently overhearing? What I find "ew" is eavesdropping to find out if what your kid and friend are doing in the room is having sex.

So you would be cool with inadvertently overhearing but not so cool with eavesdropping?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is just making my chest tighten and I can barely breathe. I have a 12, 13 and 14 year old. That is all.

Moohahaha....it is too late for you, there is no turning back, you can not run, you can not hide....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my sister is allowing her 17.75 year old son and his 18 year old girlfriend (they just graduated high school) to have sleepovers at her house.

I think this is just asking for trouble. There are no boundaries. I think sex is an adult activity. I don't think there should be parental involvementn at all - meaning, wait until you have your own place! 17 is way too young. She will regret this when these teens get pregnant and their college plans are messed up.

Plus, I think all these sleepovers (the girlfriend - his first and someone he has only been dating a few months) is too much, too soon. These teens should be out and about dating and having fun, not holed up in a house boinking. It is like they are together 24/7 and a married couple already. Geez. I think it is a terrible idea all the way around.

OP here. To play devil's advocate, 18 is legally an adult. At 18, you can serve in the military and be held to adult standards in the legal system. Shouldn't you be allowed to decide to have sex, too, if you can be sent overseas to fight and perhaps die for your country?

I hate that straw man argument. Tell you what -- they minute they enlist and survive boot camp, they can drink and fuck all they want in my house. Until then, it's just a hypothetical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, considering that there will be no sex before marriage, I think this article is sort of moot.

Unless you're the one having (or not having) the sex before marriage, you can't actually say that. What you can say is, "Considering that I will not condone sex before marriage..."

Oh, bullshit. My kids know there's no sex before marriage.

Did you have sex before marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So you would be cool with inadvertently overhearing but not so cool with eavesdropping?

Yup. Inadvertently overhearing happens (although if it happened often, I might have a word with the kid about discretion). Eavesdropping, on the other hand, is no different from peeping in the windows. Ick.

[Anonymous]

In college, I was allowed to bring boyfriends home. He slept downstairs, I slept in my room upstairs.

My parents only live 45 min away so I don't stay over there often as an adult (usually just for certain holidays and family events). Once I graduated, my boyfriends still slept downstairs and I slept upstairs for these type of events.

Once DH and I were engaged, my mom said we could sleep in my room. But I was so uncomfortable thinking my parents would be able to hear us, we never did anything.

DH's parents on the other hand have never cared about this issue and DH and I have slept together while at their house (both when we were dating and once we were married).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, considering that there will be no sex before marriage, I think this article is sort of moot.

Unless you're the one having (or not having) the sex before marriage, you can't actually say that. What you can say is, "Considering that I will not condone sex before marriage..."

Oh, bullshit. My kids know there's no sex before marriage.

Did you have sex before marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I'm surprised that so many of you would express disappointment, anger, not in my house, etc . . . What is the goal? To lead them to sneak around? To teach them sex is bad? To completely remove yourself from any conversation about what they are actually doing?

My goal is to raise my DD to see sex as a really good thing in the right context, meaning a loving, positive relationship. My secondary goal is to make sure she will talk to me if and when she feels the need to discuss anything related to sex. I'm 12:52 and my DD is 17 and I have no problem with her having sex with her boyfriend in her bedroom with the door closed. She has gotten the message that the relationship is important. I do not fear that she will go off to college and hook up like crazy.

As for the poster who insists her DC won't have sex until marriage . . . you are dreaming, but okey dokey. My parents thought the same thing about me. HA HA HA HA.

Wow, you really have no problem with your 17 year old daughter having sex in your house? Different strokes.

[Anonymous]

I think I'll go with my parent's model.....younger teen (13-16ish) - no sleepovers. Older teen - sure, girlfriend can sleep over. You aren't going to sleep in the same room, but if you can quietly sneak around after everyone is in bed, more power to you. And use condoms. Always use condoms. As long as I don't have to come face to face with you actually engaging in said act, we're cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Did you have sex before marriage?

There actually are people who don't, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my sister is allowing her 17.75 year old son and his 18 year old girlfriend (they just graduated high school) to have sleepovers at her house.

I think this is just asking for trouble. There are no boundaries. I think sex is an adult activity. I don't think there should be parental involvementn at all - meaning, wait until you have your own place! 17 is way too young. She will regret this when these teens get pregnant and their college plans are messed up.

Plus, I think all these sleepovers (the girlfriend - his first and someone he has only been dating a few months) is too much, too soon. These teens should be out and about dating and having fun, not holed up in a house boinking. It is like they are together 24/7 and a married couple already. Geez. I think it is a terrible idea all the way around.

OP here. To play devil's advocate, 18 is legally an adult. At 18, you can serve in the military and be held to adult standards in the legal system. Shouldn't you be allowed to decide to have sex, too, if you can be sent overseas to fight and perhaps die for your country?

I hate that straw man argument. Tell you what -- they minute they enlist and survive boot camp, they can drink and fuck all they want in my house. Until then, it's just a hypothetical.

It really isn't a straw man argument at all. It's an argument about the age at which kids can make informed decisions about their own sex lives and what is the proper role of parents at that stage. I find it interesting that as a society we think nothing of 18 year olds enlisting to fight for the country but if they are having sex we FREAK OUT!!!!!

[Anonymous]

OP, you have to cross that bridge when you come to it, but honestly, I don't think it sets the right tone. Will the kids have the maturity to use protection (i.e. condoms and the pill) so that they don't conceive a kid or get herpes? Will their hearts be broken? It seems inevitable, don't you think? Will one kid secretly tape/photograph another and post it on social media(this happens with alarming frequency and the internet is forever and can particularly ruin a girl's chances for a solid future)?

Remember, your kid's young, but when the time comes, the issue will remain: if you allow your kids to have sleepovers &/or sex in their room, will you be ready to raise the grandkid created from such an event?

Only you can answer these questions.

It's happened before and will happen again.