Can I tell my DD she can't dance in the upcoming recital?

[Anonymous]

I think OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

It really, really sucks that you're just realizing how bad of a dancer she is now. You can't pull her out of the recital that she has been looking forward to, yet you really have an obligation to save your kid from embarrassment. At 9 years old, the other kids ARE laughing at her.

I remember being 5 or 6 during my dance recital and being so frustrating with the girl who kept forgetting the steps and ruining the whole dance. It's definitely less forgiving for a 9 year old and you can guarantee the whole thing will be caught on MULTIPLE video-cameras.

Lesson learned -- sit in on your kid's class a few times. Same goes for music and any other activity. Holly hell, get involved people! Or is this something you leave up to the nanny to decide?

[Anonymous]

I remember insecurities and self esteem issues starting around age 10. No way does she need something thrown in her face like this! After the recital you can talk to her about whether she enjoys it and would like to continue, but without telling her that there is no way she will ever measure up. Sports and dance and music should be self esteem builders, NOT something that makes her feel bad about herself!!! Take the time to talk to her about what activities she enjoys so that she can find the right fit, but if she loves dance do not take that away from her.

[Anonymous]

Surely this is a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she can't count music, does the song have lyrics?

Ask the teacher if you can videotape her doing the dance.

If it is a beginner dance, it is probably very 8 count-ish.

There should be obvious moments of transitions, which probably go along with the lyrics and specific music crescendos and moments.

Give your daughter cues from the lyrics which match the transitions, so she can have spots in the dance where she can regroup with what she is supposed to be doing.

Your daughter just might not hear the music or beat. Some kids never do. Add that to being generally uncoordinated, and it can get tricky. You need to help her through this, without making her feel worse than she probably already does.

Don't pull her from recital. That would be heartless, and will stay with her forever.

OP here and wow this is great advice and I only wish I had had it weeks ago. The class has ended. There will not be another one and the recital is next week.

We have practiced with the music at home many times. I have watched and encouraged her at home for months now. Clearly dance is not her thing or at least group dance is not. The problem is not when she is dancing alone its when she is dancing with the group.

To put this in context of how bad it is, my DD is in the front row of girls. Instead of facing forward, she turns her whole body almost all the way around and watches the steps of the girls behind her, then turns around forward and does the steps but of course she is now off and when she turns back around the other girls have moved so that one is coming towards her - this is how the collision happened.

For the music teacher - I appreciate what you are saying a music performance is much different from dance. You can easily suck in a larger group music performance and no one will know. Trust me - I did 4th grade band and couldn't play a note and no one was the wiser.

I have decided to not say anything about the recital and just go as planned but I will not watch her performance. She won't know the difference (big auditorium) and this will keep me from making any critiquing remarks and allow me to just image the best performance ever in my mind.

Well, you definitely wont be winning no mother of the year awards. Bitch yes. I cannot believe a parent would seriously not sit through their childs
performance. I feel so sorry for your child.

And no matter HOW many people are sitting in this big auditorium, believe me, she WILL be looking for you.

My heart breaks for your daughter.

I would go to her recital. It is one dance. OP saw one rehearsal and the child messed up. Most teachers would/will flip her to the back row unless the choreography has them changing rows so all can be in front for at least part of the show. If she's always in thr front then ask the teacher to move her before the show. The parent should go to the show-sit in back and it will be over quickly. Last show of the child's life. It's not Swan Lake and the corps is on for an hour.

[Anonymous]

Let her dance! And if you are that embarrassed do not go... Send your spouse and ILS, I bet they'd LOVE it!

[Anonymous]

You might want to pull her from the class after the recital. Kids are cruel. Who wants to be the worst in the class? Could shake her self confidence. I took these pps advice and left my DD in a sport she was not good at. Now I wonder: why did I do that to her?

[Anonymous]

Have you been watching Dance Moms?

Tell her "I'm so proud of you for getting up there!" You don't have to say she's a beautiful dancer.

Ask her if she wants to continue or not afterwards.

[Anonymous]

There are several issues here...many of them a matter of hindsight. It really would have been better for you to have watched her in rehearsals or class much sooner. If you had been more involved and a better advocate for your child you would have been able to bring your concerns to the instructor's attention. The teacher too should have noticed your daughter lagging and placed her so she could better see

[Anonymous]

PP (cont...hit submit too soon). However, no sense in beating you up or debating what SHOULD have happened. You have an opportunity to better support your daughter in the here and now. She is probably well aware that she's struggling in class. Talk to her about how she feels. Does she like dance? Does she want to continue? Does she want extra help? How does she feel about the upcoming recital?
Listen to her. Her feelings about all of this are largely absent from your post, which would give much needed context.
As for your own feelings, please try to focus less on the negative of what she can't do and more on what she can. She stuck with it...even though it was hard and she wasn't as good as the other girls...she hung in there.
Good for her!
Go to that recital. Sit where she can see you and clap for her efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So talk to the instructor, and work like crazy with her in the time you have left. You need to put in some time with your child.

And, as for what to say when it is over, look at her, smile, and say, I love to watch you dance.

http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/04/16/six-words-you-should-say-today/

Every once in a while a diamond emerges from the rough. Your post is that diamond for me. That article was beautiful. My DCs aren't yet old enough for the extracurricular activities that the article describes, but I took a screen shot of the article so I can continue to go back to it. Thank you for sharing!! I hope OP reads it.

+2

I usually don't click on links, but I did click on this one and got misty reading it. And I only have an 8 month old. Great words.

As to the OP's problem, I would agree this is all about you. If you could read your post as an unbiased outsider. you would see that. YOU are embarrassed. Have you even thought about how your daughter feels?

[Anonymous]

watch her dance, OP. i was the chubby, awkward kid in my dance classes growing up. i thought it was fun and could see myself getting better even though i was never the best dancer. my enthusiasm fizzled in my teens and i dropped out of dance around age 16 because i had other things i was into, but i remember that time fondly. (AND, given my natural lack of rhythm, balance and grace, i'm convinced its the only reason i can walk more or less upright in a pair of heels for short periods of time). music is fun, dance is fun, and even if you aren't ever going to be a professional, you can learn some valuable skills and, with support, some confidence in your ability to get better. anyway, TALK to your daughter. and the teacher. if your daughter is having fun, stick with it.

it sure as hell never occurred to me that my parents might be embarrassed by my lack of aptitude. they brought the same cheerleader attitude to my dance recitals that they did to horseshows and quizbowl (both of which i was pretty good at!) and there are some hilarious videos that everyone thought were a hoot at my wedding. no shit.

[Anonymous]

That's insane, why wouldn't you go to the show? If she asks whether she did well, just tell her you are proud of her for practicing, working so hard, and sticking with it. If you are worried that she is going to have problems with the other girls due to messing up, you could talk to her beforehand - something along the lines of "I saw you were having a bit of a tough time during rehersal. Are you ok to go ahead with the recital?" If she says yes, that's it, go and support her.

[Anonymous]

I really hope this is a troll post.
I can't imagine a parent who does not want to watch their little kid dance.

[Anonymous]

Does your daughter have a disability, OP?
Why did the teacher not re-arrange the line-up?

I suspect there is more to this problem. It is probably an unfortunate mix of very bad teaching and poor student co-ordination. If she wants to continue dancing, definitely switch teachers or school. And observe her like a hawk for other symptoms that could eventually lead you to a possible diagnosis of some syndrome or other. I assure you I do not want to be dramatic, but my son's poor coordination is but one of his high-functioning autism symptoms, along with general cluelessness in a group setting. Most of the time, everyone thinks he's perfectly normal. Only in certain group situations does he become overwhelmed and confused.