Why don't some people have any friends?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I thinks it's ok not to want friends. It takes time and effort to cultivate relationships. Not every one wants to make the investment.

But it's wrong to expect your family to fill that void. They're obliged because related? I've seen people do this - because you have no one to invite to your party you family has to play the masses at every one.

[Anonymous]

I just relocated from DC where I had a solid group of close friends.

Couple observations on trying to make friends over the past 6 months -

1. It's a lot tougher to make friends when you are married, have kids, etc. It took me a long time to feel connected with people at work, in part because it's not as easy to go to every happy hour or whatever.
2. Making friends is like dating. And can be just as unpleasant. If you meet someone you like, ask them if they'd like to have lunch sometime. I am currently friend-dating someone I like very much!
3. Making more friends once you have one or two is far easier than making the first few connections.

Good luck, and I hope you find yourselves friended soon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to pile on - please please please don't try to "fix" your introvert husband. Introverts are different from you - but we are not "broken" or "on the autism spectrum" just because we don't need people around all the time and don't feel the need to share all the f'ing time.

So you're content to having no friends and spending nights and weekends home alone because you're not able to maintain a connection with another human being?

There is "introvert" and then there is "socially awkward".

This is really negative. I am an extrovert, but I understand the point the introverts are making. Once I read a comparison between the two not as "outgoing" or "quiet," but that extroverts gain energy from being around others while introverts expend energy. In this way, it is clear that their social needs and wants wil vary. Not for being socially awkward or "on the spectrum."

I am very much an extrovert - I think - but also a teacher, and my social life is suffering because I'm so damn tired at the en of the day. And I don't want to talk to anyone. But I love talking to people. But many days now - I have nothing left to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to pile on - please please please don't try to "fix" your introvert husband. Introverts are different from you - but we are not "broken" or "on the autism spectrum" just because we don't need people around all the time and don't feel the need to share all the f'ing time.

So you're content to having no friends and spending nights and weekends home alone because you're not able to maintain a connection with another human being?

There is "introvert" and then there is "socially awkward".

This is really negative. I am an extrovert, but I understand the point the introverts are making. Once I read a comparison between the two not as "outgoing" or "quiet," but that extroverts gain energy from being around others while introverts expend energy. In this way, it is clear that their social needs and wants wil vary. Not for being socially awkward or "on the spectrum."

I am very much an extrovert - I think - but also a teacher, and my social life is suffering because I'm so damn tired at the en of the day. And I don't want to talk to anyone. But I love talking to people. But many days now - I have nothing left to give.

I'm an introvert. I love talking to people too, except that I want to listen to people and learn all about them. I cam people-watch for hours. Delayed flight? No problem! Jury duty? I'm in! Emergency waiting room for four hours? No problem!

[Anonymous]

Was this thread started by the woman said a while back that she had no friends because she was ugly and had a special needs child in a wheel chair? Because this thread feel like it is manipulating truly sad feelings.

[Anonymous]

They say in this area there are so many people moving in and out. What I see is a HUGE number of women who only interact with their families --sisters, cousins ect. (My sister and DH are my best friends) I think DC is somewhat unfriendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is really negative. I am an extrovert, but I understand the point the introverts are making. Once I read a comparison between the two not as "outgoing" or "quiet," but that extroverts gain energy from being around others while introverts expend energy. In this way, it is clear that their social needs and wants wil vary. Not for being socially awkward or "on the spectrum."

I suppose to test where you stand with friends is to ask yourself - does the phone ring on your birthday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is really negative. I am an extrovert, but I understand the point the introverts are making. Once I read a comparison between the two not as "outgoing" or "quiet," but that extroverts gain energy from being around others while introverts expend energy. In this way, it is clear that their social needs and wants wil vary. Not for being socially awkward or "on the spectrum."

I suppose to test where you stand with friends is to ask yourself - does the phone ring on your birthday?

Yes. It's my mother calling. But to be fair, that's not a good test because I often forget how old I am. I'm somewhere between 36 and 39.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked my husband why he thought we didn't have many friends and his response was, "probably because I'm an asshole and you're neurotic." He could be right, though I imagine that in the DC area, we should be able to find other assholes and neurotic people to associate with.

try making connections in the DC legal world -- you should find friends there! (says a former lawyer)

[Anonymous]

ITA D.C. is unfriendly and people tend to still be intertwined with their birth families, even as grown adults. It strikes me as odd.

For those that claim to be introverts, I don't really believe them. I find them socially awkward, at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ITA D.C. is unfriendly and people tend to still be intertwined with their birth families, even as grown adults. It strikes me as odd.

For those that claim to be introverts, I don't really believe them. I find them socially awkward, at best.

I'm an introvert, and you wouldn't know that if I didn't tell you. I'm not at all socially awkward - I just don't want to socialize a lot. Being around other people at work is enough socialization for me - going to happy hour won't help me unwind. What will help me unwind is going to work out or going for a walk. When invited to a happy hour I would never say "Ugh, I can't deal with people any more today," but "Thanks, I've got plans though. Have fun!"

[Anonymous]

I think that a lot of women in this area drop their lifelong friends the minute they have kids, and then expect their husbands to do the same. That's why a lot of people here have no friends.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to the OP's first post. My parents have no friends and are very dependent on me for social interactions. They have never had many friends, but they did have a few when I was growing up. They will not make an effort to make friends. My mom is really a misanthrope, so it makes some sense that she has no friends, but my Dad, who is quiet but affable, will not try either. They live in a setting where they could meet people. Although my mom will say how she is the way she is, I see how they enjoy talking with my DH's relatives on the occasions we have both sides over. I think it leaves a huge hole in their lives and it's unfortunate for all of us. And I am also an introvert, so I understand not being a social butterfly.