How much do you spend on a wedding gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who is just shocked that people spend up to $500 on a wedding gift? I usually give a place setting or a couple of crystal stems from their registry, but it's never more than about $200.

even $200 seems overly lavish to me.

maybe you all are lawyers in a fourth dimension that i have no idea about.

I really think it's a regional thing. I'm not from DC, but what do people give here?

DH is from the midwest, and it is a LOT less there (versus NY/NJ)

I'm the poster who talked about NY/NJ weddings being nuts. I'm originally from Indiana, so I totally get your husband's point of view. DH and I got married in 2001 in Indiana. Most people brought GIFTS to the wedding, which no one does in NY/NJ (they mostly only bring envelopes with checks/cash). My husband was shocked. And then we got checks for $25-50 dollars from people, which would seem cheap by any NY/NJ standards. Then my MIL hosted a party for us a month or two after the wedding up in NJ, with around 100 of her closest friends, and we pocketed several thousands of dollars from that. Totally different world. And no one gave us "stuff" for that one. It was all moolah.

[Anonymous]

I was shocked when I got married and a not so close friend (from Long Island) gave us a check for $500. It was really awkward when it came to her wedding and I didn't attend (had just had a baby). I had the hardest time thinking of what to give.

I think my DH and I average $200-250 per wedding if we attend and about 100- $125 if we don't ...

[Anonymous]

Tacky, tacky, tacky.

[Anonymous]

$50 for typical wedding.
$100 for good friends.

If I wasn't going to the wedding, I'd use the same rule of thumb except that if it was a very random invitation (happened only once) by someone we're not at all close to, I'd feel no obligation to send a gift if we weren't going.

This "cover your plate rule" is so obnoxious.

As for those basing gifts on what their friends gave them - you really remember who all gave you what??? Most of our gifts were from our registry and there are a few things I can recall who we got them from, but for Amost I have no idea. Also agree that this doesn't make sense when your friends can be getting married at completely different life stages (22 vs. 30).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$50 for typical wedding.
$100 for good friends.

If I wasn't going to the wedding, I'd use the same rule of thumb except that if it was a very random invitation (happened only once) by someone we're not at all close to, I'd feel no obligation to send a gift if we weren't going.

This "cover your plate rule" is so obnoxious.

As for those basing gifts on what their friends gave them - you really remember who all gave you what??? Most of our gifts were from our registry and there are a few things I can recall who we got them from, but for Amost I have no idea. Also agree that this doesn't make sense when your friends can be getting married at completely different life stages (22 vs. 30).

I agree with this post. And FWIW, my husband and I are from NoVa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$50 for typical wedding.
$100 for good friends.

If I wasn't going to the wedding, I'd use the same rule of thumb except that if it was a very random invitation (happened only once) by someone we're not at all close to, I'd feel no obligation to send a gift if we weren't going.

This "cover your plate rule" is so obnoxious.

As for those basing gifts on what their friends gave them - you really remember who all gave you what??? Most of our gifts were from our registry and there are a few things I can recall who we got them from, but for Amost I have no idea. Also agree that this doesn't make sense when your friends can be getting married at completely different life stages (22 vs. 30).

I agree with this post. And FWIW, my husband and I are from NoVa.

When items from our wedding registry arrived, Bloomingdale's identified the purchasers. The ones left at the wedding had cards. We wrote a list of gifts and givers so that our thank you notes could be personalized. It doesn't matter how much a guest spends-- $10 or $500; the obligation to write a proper thank you is the same.

Same with my 5 year old. We make a list after birthdays and the toy doesn't get played with until the thank you is complete.

As for gift etiquette-- you give what's appropriate for your income level, and factor in how close you are to the couple as well.

I most often give charitable donations for weddings of established couples whose houses are stocked already; registry gifts for younger couples who haven't set up households. Close friends also get a personalized gift, such as a poem framed and matted for them, or a basket of things that relate to their interests, and if they are in town, a dinner with us.

[Anonymous]

What does the thank you sanctimommy have to do with gift giving? Please get off your high horse. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

We wrote a list of gifts and givers so that our thank you notes could be personalized. It doesn't matter how much a guest spends-- $10 or $500; the obligation to write a proper thank you is the same.

I was the PP who doesn't remember who gave her what off the registry. We did this too and OF COURSE sent out thank yous for every gift. But I certainly didn't keep that list so I could down the road keep track of who gave us what before buying them their gift.

[Anonymous]

My friends are getting married, NOT the charity. I never allow anyone to dictate the organizations to which I contribute. If a couple requests a charitable donation, I give them money. I don't care what they do with it.

[Anonymous]

Cover your plate rule = obnoxious and tacky. The fact that it is expected in some regions does not change that.

You give what you can afford, and consider how close you are to the couple. Nothing else matters, including other folks' opinions whether you gave enough. Anyone who will judge me for that is not really a friend.

I usually give between $50-150 for weddings, based on the two factors identified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friends are getting married, NOT the charity. I never allow anyone to dictate the organizations to which I contribute. If a couple requests a charitable donation, I give them money. I don't care what they do with it.

When I got married, my wife and I were in our 30's and had all the house hold stuff we needed, so we asked that people either not bring gifts or "consider" donanting to a food bank in the small town where we got married. We purposefully picked a charity that we felt would be accpetable to no one. A few people gave us cash, which we then donated. I would have preferred that they repected our request to either made the donation or just give us their best wishes.