are "darn it" and "what the heck" cursing?

[Anonymous]

I'm howling over this thread. I'm so glad that fiddlesticks is being addressed!

I correct my son (almost 6) when he says fart, butt, stupid and dumb. That's about the extent of the bad words he uses, although he loves screaming, "What the heck?!?" all the time. It's a little crass, but I feel that I have bigger fish to fry with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Darn it" IS the replacement for "damn it" and "what the heck" is the replacement for "what the hell." I do not allow my kids to curse nor do I curse in front of them ever, and I'm ok with these. No one but the most uptight adult will disapprove of these I think.

For future reference, lots of people say "frig" as a replacement for "fuck," as in "what the frig" or "that friggin' thing" and I do not allow that because I think it is too close to the real thing, and I think the f-word is worse than damn or hell so I don't want my kids using even a substitute for it.

I also don't allow "crap" which is a substitute for "shit." I know there might be some disagreement about this one though. For me, I think it is a notch or two worse than darn or heck. However, I know my 10 year old son says this with his friends out of my hearing, and I'm ok with that. He understands that some things are ok when, for example, playing sports with his friends, but are not ok at the dinner table or when talking to his grandparents.

My kids like to say "rats!" a lot, which might be a little old fashioned but it is a good strong word to yell when you bash your finger with a hammer or stub your toe or something.

What complete and utter nonsense. First of call, “damn it” isn’t cursing to all but the most uptight pearl-clutchers among us. Second, “replacement” cursing is unacceptable? Darn it and what the heck? Good grief.

And isn’t ANY exclamation a replacement for cursing? If your kid says damn it, and you correct him and tell him to say “rats” instead, you’ve just given him a replacement for a “curse” word. Uh-oh, better just teach him to not utter any exclamatory phrase, just to be on the safe side.

Finally, If I bash my thumb with a hammer, “rats” just isn’t going to cut it. More likely, “Mother fucking son-of-a-bitch!”

As an adult, you/I have that right. My minor child does not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not judge other parents for the standards that they set. We have teens now and we have "fought" this battle for many years.

They are older - youngest is 14, but our kids speak in two voices. They speak to their peers in a different voice than they do adults/parents/siblings. We express our preference that they minimize the cursing overall, but I am not going to fall on my sword about how they talk to their pals. We do allow cursing if they are frustrated about a situation or hurt. DD1 tore her ACL and realized she was going to miss the season. We were OK with the "filth and flarn" that she uttered when she was told. We do not allow cursing AT someone. Ever!

Also, please realize that you can forbid this type of language in your home, but when they get to MS, the game will change and you will hve to be much more vigilant if you want to prevent cursing. IMO, it was easier for us to set parameters instead of forbidding it.

As for the OP's question - I would not consider "darn it" and "WTheck" cursing.

I don't think it's so much about them not cursing at all...just not in the presence of their parents/other adults. It's about respect and I wouldn't expect them to respect their peers as they would an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Darn it" and "What the heck" aren't curse words. To those saying that they are "replacements" for curses and, therefore, just as bad: "Fiddlesticks," "shoot" and "my stars!" are also replacements. Are those off limits also?

OP: Let this one go. Your kids are fine.

My kids wouldn't say "fiddlesticks" or "my stars", but I'm not okay with the former, cool with the latter. Also not okay with "shoot".

The OP should let her instincts be her guide. If she's not okay with her children saying those words, she should tell them not to use them. That's it.

You have a problem with "fiddlesticks"?!?!?

Yep, replacement for fuck, but again my kids wouldn't say this word and would probably look at me crazy if I did. Same with shoot (shit). Not sure what "my stars" replaces.

Words aside, how do you deal with intent? Not snarking - just a question. How do you instruct your kids to deal with impluses of frustration? What "tools" do you permit?

When my children were younger (less than 3), they ALL cursed. I used to get aggravated, tell them not to curse, etc. It turned into a game and I could almost live by them using a swear word in public to be sassy. Eventually I started ignoring them when they did it. Not getting the response they were after, they stopped. Never had a problem with them again. My children are 4, 10, 13, & 17. As I said earlier, I'm pretty sure they curse outside of my hearing and/or with their friends and I'm cool with that. But they are not allowed to do it front of me and/or other adults. Period.

re: handling it now. With my youngest, she'll usually cry when upset/frustrated and I distract her by asking about something that happened on a recent TV show and/or bring up something funny that happened on our last vacation (DisneyWorld). Getting her to talk about something that interests her usually snaps her out of her funk.

When my older children used to get frustrated they would say "Oh my God" in annoyance. Told them I didn't like that and for them to say "gosh" instead. Had nothing to do with cursing, I just didn't like them using God's name in an annoyed way.

[Anonymous]

11:32 again. Just wanted to add that my 4 year old DD will point out when someone says a bad word. I rarely curse in front of her, but if we're watching something and she hears a curse word, she'll say that it's a bad word.

[Anonymous]

My DD is 5 and I allow (and say):

heck
darn
friggin' -- she hasn't picked this up but I say it
frig -- ditto
rats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 5 and I allow (and say):

heck
darn
friggin' -- she hasn't picked this up but I say it
frig -- ditto
rats

PS I also allow "gosh" or "oh my gosh" but I do not allow "Oh my God."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 5 and I allow (and say):

heck
darn
friggin' -- she hasn't picked this up but I say it
frig -- ditto
rats

PS I also allow "gosh" or "oh my gosh" but I do not allow "Oh my God."

PPS We also say, "Shoot!" or "Oh my heavens. . ." or "Oh my heavens above!" or "Heavens to Betsy. . ."

Anyone have problems with these? LOL. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 5 and I allow (and say):

heck
darn
friggin' -- she hasn't picked this up but I say it
frig -- ditto
rats

PS I also allow "gosh" or "oh my gosh" but I do not allow "Oh my God."

PPS We also say, "Shoot!" or "Oh my heavens. . ." or "Oh my heavens above!" or "Heavens to Betsy. . ."

Anyone have problems with these? LOL. . .

PPPS WE also can say "crud" or "crap"!

[Anonymous]

Forget it - the mother of 4, who apparently has the upper hand here since she has 4 children - thinks those terms (crud, crap, shoot) would be bad, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 5 and I allow (and say):

heck
darn
friggin' -- she hasn't picked this up but I say it
frig -- ditto
rats

PS I also allow "gosh" or "oh my gosh" but I do not allow "Oh my God."

PPS We also say, "Shoot!" or "Oh my heavens. . ." or "Oh my heavens above!" or "Heavens to Betsy. . ."

Anyone have problems with these? LOL. . .

Some of the very, very proper matrons on this thread will have an apoplexy at "shoot!" because it clearly is a substutite for shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forget it - the mother of 4, who apparently has the upper hand here since she has 4 children - thinks those terms (crud, crap, shoot) would be bad, too.

Mother of 4 here. Not sure why you think I think I have the upper hand about anything. I parent my way and leave you to parent your way.

BTW, my children wouldn't use "crud", but I also don't allow crap/shoot. It's not even an issue in my house. 3 of my children are older and because they were taught young that these words are not allowed, it was never an issue again. It's really not that deep.

[Anonymous]

Mother of 4 again. I should also add it has nothing to do with being old and out of touch. I was a teenage Mom...I'll be 33 this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm howling over this thread. I'm so glad that fiddlesticks is being addressed!

I correct my son (almost 6) when he says fart, butt, stupid and dumb. That's about the extent of the bad words he uses, although he loves screaming, "What the heck?!?" all the time. It's a little crass, but I feel that I have bigger fish to fry with him.

So what do you call a fart? When my 2yo farts, he says "excuse me, I farted." I'm not about to make him say "I passed gas" or even worse, "I tooted!" and I'm pretty conservative about language. The same with "butt," which is a body part! What pray tell do you use instead?

[Anonymous]

12:17, just to add these are our rules at home. We don't talk about farts in public and my 2yo knows that. I did, unfortunately, pass along "Oh my God" and it's only because of all the crazy things that he has heard me react to in the last 6 months.