are "darn it" and "what the heck" cursing?

[Anonymous]

PP, the "n" word is many things - hate speech; innocuous term; etc. It's a complex term that has different meanings depending on the speaker. Without going into a sociology/history lesson, it is many things, except a curse.

Carry on....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 4 here and I do not agree with 13:00. Curse words or their "replacements" are not okay with me and are not allowed. I also would not use these words in front of my parents and/or elderly people.

I am 13:00 and I think it is a reasonable choice to not allow these words but I think this puts you on the far end of the range of opinions parents will have on this. I should not have used the perjorative "upright" because I really don't think that is fair so sorry for that. I was just trying to express that there is a range of opinions and not allowing these words would put OP in the minority among the least permissive group of parents. I think my views fall within the fat of the bell curve, if you will.

Don't really think I'm in the minority, but perhaps for the demographics on DCUM I am. I'm black and none of the black parents I know are okay with their children using curse words and/or their replacements. I will say that my oldest two are 13 & 17. I am almost positive my 13 y/o curses and I have zero problems with it. Just do it when with your peers and definitely don't do it in the presence of adults. I think being too lenient has an effect on how respectful teens are when in the presence of adults who aren't their parents.

I don't think being black has anything to do with it, when every black teen I pass is saying nigga this and nigga that.

Wow...so we've sunk this low to try to prove a point? How sad. The only thing I'll say to this asinine way of thinking is that you have no idea what you're talking about. As such, let's stick with the topic.

[Anonymous]

"Darn it" and "What the heck" aren't curse words. To those saying that they are "replacements" for curses and, therefore, just as bad: "Fiddlesticks," "shoot" and "my stars!" are also replacements. Are those off limits also?

OP: Let this one go. Your kids are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Darn it" and "What the heck" aren't curse words. To those saying that they are "replacements" for curses and, therefore, just as bad: "Fiddlesticks," "shoot" and "my stars!" are also replacements. Are those off limits also?

OP: Let this one go. Your kids are fine.

My kids wouldn't say "fiddlesticks" or "my stars", but I'm not okay with the former, cool with the latter. Also not okay with "shoot".

The OP should let her instincts be her guide. If she's not okay with her children saying those words, she should tell them not to use them. That's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Darn it" and "What the heck" aren't curse words. To those saying that they are "replacements" for curses and, therefore, just as bad: "Fiddlesticks," "shoot" and "my stars!" are also replacements. Are those off limits also?

OP: Let this one go. Your kids are fine.

My kids wouldn't say "fiddlesticks" or "my stars", but I'm not okay with the former, cool with the latter. Also not okay with "shoot".

The OP should let her instincts be her guide. If she's not okay with her children saying those words, she should tell them not to use them. That's it.

You have a problem with "fiddlesticks"?!?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach preschool and I usually say something to kids who say "what the heck" or "what the" (often they just say this). Mainly because I'm not sure where other parents stand on it and I don't want them learning things from preschool.

I don't call them out or anything but I might say "you mean WOW!".

Darn it is not one I hear often but I also comment on that if they are doing art or something because it is such a negative expression. Preschool kids should not be saying "darn it" when they color out of the lines.

Lady, don't you dare correct my kid when she says, "What the!" You'd be way out of line.

(Now if she really loses her cool and yells out, "Fiddlesticks!" then by all means, come down like a hammer.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Darn it" and "What the heck" aren't curse words. To those saying that they are "replacements" for curses and, therefore, just as bad: "Fiddlesticks," "shoot" and "my stars!" are also replacements. Are those off limits also?

OP: Let this one go. Your kids are fine.

My kids wouldn't say "fiddlesticks" or "my stars", but I'm not okay with the former, cool with the latter. Also not okay with "shoot".

The OP should let her instincts be her guide. If she's not okay with her children saying those words, she should tell them not to use them. That's it.

You have a problem with "fiddlesticks"?!?!?

Yep, replacement for fuck, but again my kids wouldn't say this word and would probably look at me crazy if I did. Same with shoot (shit). Not sure what "my stars" replaces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Darn it" and "What the heck" aren't curse words. To those saying that they are "replacements" for curses and, therefore, just as bad: "Fiddlesticks," "shoot" and "my stars!" are also replacements. Are those off limits also?

OP: Let this one go. Your kids are fine.

My kids wouldn't say "fiddlesticks" or "my stars", but I'm not okay with the former, cool with the latter. Also not okay with "shoot".

The OP should let her instincts be her guide. If she's not okay with her children saying those words, she should tell them not to use them. That's it.

You have a problem with "fiddlesticks"?!?!?

Yep, replacement for fuck, but again my kids wouldn't say this word and would probably look at me crazy if I did. Same with shoot (shit). Not sure what "my stars" replaces.

Fiddlesticks in a replacement for fuck? You're insane.

Cartoons in the 30s were filthy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCt7xQ4kRRM

Porno, I presume? (risky click, but go ahead...)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0016851/

Anne of Green Gables? SUCH a potty-mouth
http://www.subzin.com/quotes/Anne+of+Green+Gables/Oh,+fiddlesticks.+Now,+you+open+this+door+at+once

Hope you don't let your kids watch "Mary Poppins"
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058331/quotes

...sheesh... (fyi, not a replacement for "shit")

[Anonymous]

23:11, this is all my opinion. Why are you getting so bent out of shape over what *I* prefer with *my* children? You parent your way, I'll parent my way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:23:11, this is all my opinion. Why are you getting so bent out of shape over what *I* prefer with *my* children? You parent your way, I'll parent my way.

This isn't parenting, this is etymology: "Fiddlesticks" does not mean or even imply "fuck"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I teach preschool and I usually say something to kids who say "what the heck" or "what the" (often they just say this). Mainly because I'm not sure where other parents stand on it and I don't want them learning things from preschool.

I don't call them out or anything but I might say "you mean WOW!".

Darn it is not one I hear often but I also comment on that if they are doing art or something because it is such a negative expression. Preschool kids should not be saying "darn it" when they color out of the lines.

Lady, don't you dare correct my kid when she says, "What the!" You'd be way out of line.

(Now if she really loses her cool and yells out, "Fiddlesticks!" then by all means, come down like a hammer.)

I don't do it everytime a kid shouts it out but it becomes a popular phrase in the 4yo set and I really don't like 16 4yos shouting "what the" everytime I turn the page during circle. So I try to nip it in the bud before it becomes a thing.

Most kids realize this phrase is at least questionable School language and home language are two different things IMO and I see it as a way to differentiate between the two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:23:11, this is all my opinion. Why are you getting so bent out of shape over what *I* prefer with *my* children? You parent your way, I'll parent my way.

This isn't parenting, this is etymology: "Fiddlesticks" does not mean or even imply "fuck"

OK, fine it doesn't mean that. Actually the more I think about it, it seems more along the lines of "shit, darn, etc". Again, my opinion and you won't change it. So move the fuck along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Darn it" IS the replacement for "damn it" and "what the heck" is the replacement for "what the hell." I do not allow my kids to curse nor do I curse in front of them ever, and I'm ok with these. No one but the most uptight adult will disapprove of these I think.

For future reference, lots of people say "frig" as a replacement for "fuck," as in "what the frig" or "that friggin' thing" and I do not allow that because I think it is too close to the real thing, and I think the f-word is worse than damn or hell so I don't want my kids using even a substitute for it.

I also don't allow "crap" which is a substitute for "shit." I know there might be some disagreement about this one though. For me, I think it is a notch or two worse than darn or heck. However, I know my 10 year old son says this with his friends out of my hearing, and I'm ok with that. He understands that some things are ok when, for example, playing sports with his friends, but are not ok at the dinner table or when talking to his grandparents.

My kids like to say "rats!" a lot, which might be a little old fashioned but it is a good strong word to yell when you bash your finger with a hammer or stub your toe or something.

What complete and utter nonsense. First of call, “damn it” isn’t cursing to all but the most uptight pearl-clutchers among us. Second, “replacement” cursing is unacceptable? Darn it and what the heck? Good grief.

And isn’t ANY exclamation a replacement for cursing? If your kid says damn it, and you correct him and tell him to say “rats” instead, you’ve just given him a replacement for a “curse” word. Uh-oh, better just teach him to not utter any exclamatory phrase, just to be on the safe side.

Finally, If I bash my thumb with a hammer, “rats” just isn’t going to cut it. More likely, “Mother fucking son-of-a-bitch!”

[Anonymous]

I do not judge other parents for the standards that they set. We have teens now and we have "fought" this battle for many years.

They are older - youngest is 14, but our kids speak in two voices. They speak to their peers in a different voice than they do adults/parents/siblings. We express our preference that they minimize the cursing overall, but I am not going to fall on my sword about how they talk to their pals. We do allow cursing if they are frustrated about a situation or hurt. DD1 tore her ACL and realized she was going to miss the season. We were OK with the "filth and flarn" that she uttered when she was told. We do not allow cursing AT someone. Ever!

Also, please realize that you can forbid this type of language in your home, but when they get to MS, the game will change and you will hve to be much more vigilant if you want to prevent cursing. IMO, it was easier for us to set parameters instead of forbidding it.

As for the OP's question - I would not consider "darn it" and "WTheck" cursing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Darn it" and "What the heck" aren't curse words. To those saying that they are "replacements" for curses and, therefore, just as bad: "Fiddlesticks," "shoot" and "my stars!" are also replacements. Are those off limits also?

OP: Let this one go. Your kids are fine.

My kids wouldn't say "fiddlesticks" or "my stars", but I'm not okay with the former, cool with the latter. Also not okay with "shoot".

The OP should let her instincts be her guide. If she's not okay with her children saying those words, she should tell them not to use them. That's it.

You have a problem with "fiddlesticks"?!?!?

Yep, replacement for fuck, but again my kids wouldn't say this word and would probably look at me crazy if I did. Same with shoot (shit). Not sure what "my stars" replaces.

Words aside, how do you deal with intent? Not snarking - just a question. How do you instruct your kids to deal with impluses of frustration? What "tools" do you permit?