So Where ARE all the are the "Normal" families in Private Schools

[Anonymous]

For now, if you are interested in a login-only option

I don't care either way - just making a suggestion for those complaining about the nastiness.

[Anonymous]

I find this whole conversation really depressing....

[Anonymous]

I really identified with OP. We send DS to private, and are on a tight budget with loan repayment from grad school and undergrad, and daycare for our younger. Then I read OP spent more than 1M for her house- we spent 450K, and won't be able to afford to move up to a bigger house or a better location for 5 years or so. Having said that, OP might be shocked to hear our family income is 600K. I'm sharing all this to make the point that there are other "normal" people who are in quite different circumstances. We'd probably be intimidated by your 1M house, and you'd be intimidated by our big salaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really identified with OP. We send DS to private, and are on a tight budget with loan repayment from grad school and undergrad, and daycare for our younger. Then I read OP spent more than 1M for her house- we spent 450K, and won't be able to afford to move up to a bigger house or a better location for 5 years or so. Having said that, OP might be shocked to hear our family income is 600K. I'm sharing all this to make the point that there are other "normal" people who are in quite different circumstances. We'd probably be intimidated by your 1M house, and you'd be intimidated by our big salaries.

I am the OP. My post was not intended to indicate that the people in my DS's class intimidate me. In fact I don't believe I said that. I was merely trying to say that they do not appear to reflect the people on this board who say they are struggling or even people like me who are doing just fine but are not overly wealthy - that's it. I said we are a normal family. We are NOT struggling to pay the fees. We paid more than half down for our house so we are NOT struggling to pay a huge mortgage either. Further more we earn very decent salaries also - only slightly less than you pp and to my mind we are normal compared to people who net salaries/income in the millions. I would not say I am intimidated by them - at least I hope not - they are perfectly nice and friendly people and I get on quite well with quite a few of them - but I can definitely say they are not reflective of the "getting by" families that I read about on this board. Or perhaps they are just good at pretending. We certainly could not live the lifestyles these parents lead - several vacation homes, private jets, etc etc. I personally know a couple who spent $5m on their house - that is the sort of wealth I am talking about - not people like us. Again I must stress that this is totally fine. It's just that there have been so many posts lately about people feeling isolated because they are not as wealthy others, people not knowing if they will make the fees in the coming years that it just got me thinking that I never meet people like this at DC's school.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I was interested in your post from a research point of view, a sort of sociological study of this board.

But you've lost me now that you've veered away from the original question and started talking about how well off you are, too. I don't actually care, and since you're still anonymous you don't need to justify your lifestyle.

I had hoped that we could keep ourselves detached, so we could avoid the sort of one-up-man-ship and class wars that always drag us down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just that there have been so many posts lately about people feeling isolated because they are not as wealthy others, people not knowing if they will make the fees in the coming years that it just got me thinking that I never meet people like this at DC's school.

Maybe people only talk about it on this anonymous board? It might not be the kind of thing that comes up in the day-to-day interaction around school.

[Anonymous]

That makes sense to me -- this board is a sort of outlet for the concerns people can't express in person, at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I was interested in your post from a research point of view, a sort of sociological study of this board.

But you've lost me now that you've veered away from the original question and started talking about how well off you are, too. I don't actually care, and since you're still anonymous you don't need to justify your lifestyle.

I had hoped that we could keep ourselves detached, so we could avoid the sort of one-up-man-ship and class wars that always drag us down.

I was very careful in my OP not to mention my salary or house price for this very reason - my quest to remain "detached to avoid one-up-manship and class wars". I figured the people I was referring to would know what I meant because they have written about it enough times on this board. If you had not brought up your $600k salary and the fact that I would be intimidated by it I would not have felt the need to clarify my own position. I guess pride got the better of me. I was actually looking for allies not competitors and I was keenly aware that bringing one's personal finances into the discussion muddies the waters very rapidly.

[Anonymous]

I'm just reading this forum and must make a comment that most doctors/dentists do not make anything close to $600K so perhaps you are not the "normal one" in the class.

I am a physician (almost a decade out of med school) and I'm just breaking 6 digits this year for the first time. After the $3000 check per month to cover student loans there's not much left over for such expenses as private school tuituions.

Some of my colleagues scrape by and moonlight etc, to cover the costs of local private schools.

Please be careful before making such generalizations based solely on occupation.

[Anonymous]

Thanks pp. I can't wait until doctors wake up and realize how much they are being used. But that is a different thread.

It does amaze me how some posters manage to brag anonymously!

[Anonymous]

Well, OP, the good news is that if you define normal as not earning millions of dollars year, then you probably have plenty of normal families in your class! The Bank/Fund people aren't making that much; the physicians/dentists probably aren't; and I doubt that the senior VPs are, either. Even the law partners may not be making millions if they are not equity partners. From your description, it sounds around half of your class comes from "normal" families with incomes in the mid-six figures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I was very careful in my OP not to mention my salary or house price for this very reason - my quest to remain "detached to avoid one-up-manship and class wars". I figured the people I was referring to would know what I meant because they have written about it enough times on this board. If you had not brought up your $600k salary and the fact that I would be intimidated by it I would not have felt the need to clarify my own position. I guess pride got the better of me. I was actually looking for allies not competitors and I was keenly aware that bringing one's personal finances into the discussion muddies the waters very rapidly.

I'm the poster you're quoting, but I'm not the same poster who mentioned her house and salary. All this anonymity is too confusing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP, the good news is that if you define normal as not earning millions of dollars year, then you probably have plenty of normal families in your class! The Bank/Fund people aren't making that much; the physicians/dentists probably aren't; and I doubt that the senior VPs are, either. Even the law partners may not be making millions if they are not equity partners. From your description, it sounds around half of your class comes from "normal" families with incomes in the mid-six figures.

Exactly. And these are exactly the kind of people who are not so overwhelmingly rich that they would feel no ambivalence about parting with the private school tuition right about now. I can speak from personal knowledge on that one; we make very good money but are not immune to the downtown, and it's an awfully big check to write. Using our new definition above, we are very much "normal." I think mid- to high six figures is overwhelmingly normal in these schools.

[Anonymous]

I guess we are definitely not 'normal' then, as our income is certainly under six figures. I knew there was a reason I felt different from most of these families!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess we are definitely not 'normal' then, as our income is certainly under six figures. I knew there was a reason I felt different from most of these families!

This point has been made over and over again on this thread. Two kids = $50K or more per year.

If you make $100K, your take home is, deducting federal, state and local taxes, let's call it, $65K. That means, if you have two kids in provate school, you have $15K/year to afford a place to live, car, food, medical bills, etc. I don't see why it's so shocking that most people in these schools have a lot more money than that. I know of no school in our area that has the kind of endowment that can provide need-blind admissions. Most colleges don't even have that.