Stealing babysitters?

[Anonymous]

I am the 21:42 poster who doesn't understand at all why the friend is being demonized... but of course I would return OP's call in the same situation. This is provided, of course, that the message was just as the OP described it and not "you stole my babysitter!" If I were in the friend's position, I would apologize, but would explain that I didn't know that the OP could possibly be offended by my booking a standing date with her (self-described) occasional sitter. If OP needed the sitter to be available on most Saturday nights, surely she would have already scheduled her, or would have worked out some understanding with the babysitter to always give the OP a heads-up before making a commitment like that? I still don't think that the friend did anything wrong based on the information that we have been given in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Agree fully with 14:28. If I got a message from a friend saying her "feelings were hurt" because I booked the sitter she had recommended, well I would figure that my friend had simply started on the mommy cocktails a little too early in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If people are expected to comply with the "free market" principle with their "friends" then why would anyone ever help a friend out when they're in need. This friend had an "emergency", and the lesson OP learned is, well, don't help a friend out because you're putting yourself at risk. Not the society I want. I expect we can arrange something a bit more civil and understanding among friends, for pete's sake. I will certainly at least think twice before helping out a friend in need now.

Well, if you have to think twice, maybe they aren't really friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree fully with 14:28. If I got a message from a friend saying her "feelings were hurt" because I booked the sitter she had recommended, well I would figure that my friend had simply started on the mommy cocktails a little too early in the day.

Amen Sister!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP are you kidding me? Since when do "free market" principles apply to friendship? When your husband finds a more beautiful or wealthier woman, is he free to leave? The question is, was the poacher acting as a good friend by booking up her friend's sitter that she borrowed in an emergency, and the answer is obviously, no.

I'm not the pp that you are referring to, but the pp that WAS willing to share my babysitters if you live near me.

Are YOU kidding? Last time I checked my husband took vows when we made a committment to each other. I don't recall my occasional babysitter signing anything keep her Sat nights open IN CASE I have the need for her services. Please remember the OP was not talking about a nanny or babysitter that she books every Sat, etc. A little perspective, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here with an update. I left my friend what I considered to be a thoughtful and understanding voicemail asking if we could talk, indicating my feelings were hurt about her booking up the babysitter, because I thought it was a one-time favor. I also told her that obviously our friendship meant more to me than a babysitter. I guess I'm the only one who feels that way, because she hasn't returned my call after 2 days.

To the majority of posters who offered understanding, thank you. I really appreciate it.

To the several posters who think I'm over reacting you're probably in tune with her, may I ask would you return a call like that? Would you check in just to say "I am sorry you feel hurt, but I really still don't think I was doing anything wrong" or would you just blow off your friend? Is there any way I could communicate to you my frustration even though you disagree? Or is this some sort of polarized partisanship between the poaching and free market camps where we will never be able to communicate, so I'd better just keep with friends who are my own kind?

pp here again - TO OP:

I would return your call, but if she needs a babysitter that often, she may be overwhelmed and hasn't returned your call out of sheer business. If you don't think that's it, I know I would probably be hesitant to call my friend back if I got a message like that because I would feel bad that I hurt your feelings (not bad about the action because I still think you are over reacting) if we were truely good friends. I would be a little worried to call back because you may be a little sensitive and I would worry that the conversation may not go so well, especially if I didn't have any plans to change the arrangements I already made with the babysitter.

A suggestion might be that you share the babysitter on nights that you really need her due to an event - maybe bring your kids over to her house (if you don't have too many kids together). Another might be asking her ahead of time if you could book her a night she has a standing date with the babysitter if your friend might not HAVE to have her babysit that night.

I still think you are over reacting and the babysitter should share some responsibility in this if you have hurt feelings. The babysitter knows the frequency that you book her and she must have thought that it might cut into your usual frequency if she takes this more steady booking, but that's the choice she made. I would think you would be a little upset with her as well.