Stealing babysitters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great article! Thanks for posting. I think the few folks defending this practice are probably sitter stealers themselves. Can't we all just agree to use proper manners when finding sitters? There are enough community listserves, bulletin boards and cragislist ads for every parent out there to find the sitter they need.

I'm just really tired of locating the sitter, screening them, training them, getting my kids used to them, and then losing them to sitter stealers. **Find your own sitters the legit way, people, it's not that hard** I mean really, sure it's easier to copy someone's homework than to do it yourself, but do we teach our kids to do that too? DO we stand at the top of the skiball ramp and just drop the ball in the 500 hole because our lives are just so hard? Have a heart and stop making the lives of parents even harder.

I'm the 1212pp and I can't say that I've ever stolen a sitter, but than again, my friends aren't this petty. We use a babysitter once or twice a month and I have no problem letting my friends know who we use. We have several girls that we use and can rotate if one is busy. You may want to think about having a few babysitters that you can call on so you don't find yourselves upset when your only babysitter is busy.

We try to have at least 2 or 3 girls that my DD (and we) are comfortable with. As they graduate from high school we usually start our seach again to fill in.

[Anonymous]

you don't "own" an occasional babysitter.

No, even the OP is saying that she holds no grudge against the sitter, who's free to do what she likes. The problem is with the "friend" who stole the OP's sitter when the OP was doing the "friend" a favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you are mad at your friend. The babysitter may have wanted more hours and she has every right to take other "jobs" when offered. If you think the babysitter doesn't know how to say, then that is her issue to deal with. You don't "own" an occasional babysitter. If it were your nanny or you had her babysit on a regular schedule, than I can understand why you would be upset, but I think you are over reacting.

Glad you're not my friend!

[Anonymous]

This is what I ran into when I moved into the area - no one would ever share the names of their sitters. Just flat out would say they didn't have any names, when I know they were using sitters. To this day, I've learned not to ask anyone else for the name of a sitter. What I ask instead is if my friends with older girls if their daughter is interested in babysitting. That seems to be no problem then getting access to her. But the women in my daughter's elementary circles - fuggetaboudit!

[Anonymous]

12:48 would you mind posting the names of the three girls you use, and their rates? I could really use an occasional sitter...Thanks!

[Anonymous]

That's witty,PP!

[Anonymous]

Honestly I've never heard that booking someone else's sitter on their recommendation violated some sacred norm of friendship... OP, if you didn't want your friend to use your babysitter, why pass along the name? And why is it so bad that she secured a standing date with the sitter - I'd think your babysitter would be grateful to you for the extra business! If your friend hadn't booked those nights, what makes you think that the sitter was going to hold all her Saturday nights for you??

We don't use sitters very often but with number 2 on the way are beginning to look around. We have no family nearby and would feel a million times better about a recommendation from a friend rather than finding some anonymous stranger. I think most of my friends have better things to do than to get up in arms about 'sitter stealing' but given all the outrage here I wonder.

[Anonymous]

I think this is the root of the problem. People who don't use sitters regularly just don't get it. If I used this sitter every third Saturday or so when an important event comes up (Saturday night being the holy grail of occasional babysitting, as noted in the linked article) but then my "friend" got her number under the guise of an emergency, then booked her for every other Saturday, then the sitter becomes basically totally unavailable to me. So now, she has a standing date on Sat with her hubby, but when I have an actual event to go to (theatre tickets, back to school night whatever) I have no sitter. If friend had asked- can I have your sitter's number to set up a standing date night sitter" the answer would have obviously been no.

[Anonymous]

I had the world's best occasional sitter-PT nanny when we lived in WestCoastCity. So great in fact that people would tell me how great she is after they'd see her around at the park, coffee shop, etc. with the kids.

When my friends (and they were indeed friends) would ask if I could "recommend an occasional sitter?" I would flat-out say "uh, no, can't think of anyone." Because I didn't want to be poached. Because I know she is one-in-a-million. Because I knew for sure she didn't need more hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:48 would you mind posting the names of the three girls you use, and their rates? I could really use an occasional sitter...Thanks!

Some of your attitudes are so ridiculous! I am so glad my friends aren't like this!

If you are serious, I would be happy to recommend my babysitters to you and their rates.

Here are some specifics - We just moved to the Waynewood neighborhood (Mt Vernon area of Alexandria). Babysitter #1 & #2 - sisters that live at the end of our block (13yo and 16yo). Their mom works with my DH. Obviously the 13yo doesn't drive, but the 16yo does if you live close to our area. Babysitter #3 - a high school student that is a senior (we've been using her for 2 yrs) that lives in Springfield. We have a few more - neighbor's granddaughter, another high school student. We pay them all $10/hr.

If you live in our area and seriously need a babysitter, I would be happy to refer our babysitters. I'm sorry, but I still feel OP is being a little over the top in her reaction. If someone else is willing to give them a steady gig who are you to be upset. If you don't book the babysitter steadily you can't expect her to sit and wait for your work to come along. Seriously, get a grip. Also, why don't you trade babysitting with your friends if you are really in a bind? Not sure if that will work given the types of friendships you describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had the world's best occasional sitter-PT nanny when we lived in WestCoastCity. So great in fact that people would tell me how great she is after they'd see her around at the park, coffee shop, etc. with the kids.

When my friends (and they were indeed friends) would ask if I could "recommend an occasional sitter?" I would flat-out say "uh, no, can't think of anyone." Because I didn't want to be poached. Because I know she is one-in-a-million. Because I knew for sure she didn't need more hours.

PP - I think that's terrible. Why can't you be honest with your friends and tell them your babysitter is not taking on any more familes even for occasional sitting, so you are sorry you can't help. I wouldn't want my 'mom' friends to be so dishonest with me. I think you all need to get (or be) better friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great article! Thanks for posting. I think the few folks defending this practice are probably sitter stealers themselves. Can't we all just agree to use proper manners when finding sitters? There are enough community listserves, bulletin boards and cragislist ads for every parent out there to find the sitter they need.

I'm just really tired of locating the sitter, screening them, training them, getting my kids used to them, and then losing them to sitter stealers. **Find your own sitters the legit way, people, it's not that hard** I mean really, sure it's easier to copy someone's homework than to do it yourself, but do we teach our kids to do that too? DO we stand at the top of the skiball ramp and just drop the ball in the 500 hole because our lives are just so hard? Have a heart and stop making the lives of parents even harder.

16:51 here, and you're way off. We are not defending the practice, I'm not sure where you get that from? I have 2 great sitters that I use about once per week, whom I found myself after interviewing and trying many duds, that I would be very reluctant to "loan" to anyone, for this exact reason. Especially the one I prefer. I know many people that do this, it's really not that uncommon to not want to share your sitter or PT nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this article sums up babysitter poaching quite nicely:

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/magazine/articles/2008/02/03/stop_baby_sitter_poaching/

If you read the article though, it defines poaching as taking someone's Regular, not Occasional, sitter:

"What constitutes poaching? I'd suggest it's any time someone tries to hire the regular sitter of a friend or neighbor without first checking with that person."

[Anonymous]

Sorry -- I'm one of the PPs who was unfamiliar with this concept of friendship ettiquette and I'm still totally unconvinced by all the hysteria here. I can understand why someone would be upset with a friend who "stole" a nanny or someone on a permanent babysitting gig, but if you're upset because someone was able and willing to pay for a standing Saturday night appointment and you wanted to continue using the babysitter only if and when you had an event to attend... well, that's called the free market. If you wanted to keep the babysitter at your disposal, you should have paid her to hold all her Saturdays.

[Anonymous]

PP are you kidding me? Since when do "free market" principles apply to friendship? When your husband finds a more beautiful or wealthier woman, is he free to leave? The question is, was the poacher acting as a good friend by booking up her friend's sitter that she borrowed in an emergency, and the answer is obviously, no.