Stealing babysitters?

[Anonymous]

OK, so my friend had a babysitter crisis, and asked if she could borrow my occasional weekend/evening sitter's number. I was under the impression it was a one time thing, and I trust and care for this friend, wanted to help her out. So I gave her my sitter's number. Next thing I hear she has booked her for every other saturday permanently. I am livid and hurt. She's a good sitter with reasonable rates, and my kids feel comfortable with her. Now we're scrambling for new sitters and I'm pissed. Am I overreacting? Isn't this a breach of parent etiquette???

[Anonymous]

Yep, it is.

A friend of mine did this to me a few years ago, and I've since realized that she does a lot of thoughtless things along these lines. We're not very close anymore.

Sorry - I hope you can either work it out with this babysitter or find another one!

[Anonymous]

It is a breach of etiquette, but it may be one that she isn't aware of. How old is her child, and has she ever used a sitter with any regularity?

I used a sitter only 2 or 3 times before my child was 3 years of age, and it wouldn't really have occurred to me to ask "is this your regular sitter's number you're giving me, or just someone you know of who is looking for more hours?"

[Anonymous]

While what your friend did is not nice, you also have to accept a little responsibility for assuming the risk by offering up her number in the first place. Also, you called her an occasional sitter, so I'm not sure what you're upset about since it doesn't sound like you use her that often?

[Anonymous]

Pay the sitter more and steal her back!

[Anonymous]

I disagree with PP that OP shares responsibility by giving the number out. OP was trying to help out a friend--are you suggesting that she have refused to give the number out? OP's friend should have said to OP, "Hey, would you mind if I booked sitter X?" giving OP the chance to have right of first refusal.

[Anonymous]

Not nice of your friend to set up something so frequent w/o checking with you first. Can you talk about this with her and mention the tough spot you're in now because of her arrangements?

[Anonymous]

I agree that it was not nice of your friend to "steal" your babysitter. I think it's a breach of parent-babysitter etiquette.

I think 19:11 has a good suggestion--are you comfortable talking with your friend?

[Anonymous]

Babysitting is a business for kids that do it. If you weren't going to commit to a certain amount of time, then you should have expected your babysitter to look for someone that would. It's just coincidence that you supplied her with the alternative source of business. And, if you weren't willing to commit to the time with your babysitter, I can't see why you are upset that your friend did. If you really want her, why don't you just commit to the alternate weeks that your friends isn't using?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP- that sounds like a crappy friend- yes- it is poaching- a true term. Well- is you friendship that great? I would personally confront her (but not "confront" her) and ask her what happened- and that you gave this as a one time deal- I truly am one to confront something this blatantly wrong (from a reference to help one time anf then turning it into a multi commitment).. I want to hear why/what/whatever! I have no issue losing this friendship or acquaintance since if they can do this- they can do so much more and very faszt- so- confront- understand why/what- action.. good luck..

[Anonymous]

OP Here- to 21:37, I would have certainly committed to her that much time and more. I can remember being a sitter in high school, and I remember that I was not interested in sitting every Saturday night, for obvious reasons. I was trying *not* to pressure her by demanding she be available every other saturday, or every saturday, because she came to me wanting only occasional hours. I don't think the sitter did anything wrong here, she's a really really nice girl and if I had to guess, I'd say she didn't feel comfortable saying no to the other parents.

[Anonymous]

She's not a good friend if she did this to you. I have borrowed sitters from friends before, and fallen in love with them. I have even continued to use them occasionally, but I always check with my friends first.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you are mad at your friend. The babysitter may have wanted more hours and she has every right to take other "jobs" when offered. If you think the babysitter doesn't know how to say, then that is her issue to deal with. You don't "own" an occasional babysitter. If it were your nanny or you had her babysit on a regular schedule, than I can understand why you would be upset, but I think you are over reacting.

[Anonymous]

I think this article sums up babysitter poaching quite nicely:

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/magazine/articles/2008/02/03/stop_baby_sitter_poaching/

[Anonymous]

Great article! Thanks for posting. I think the few folks defending this practice are probably sitter stealers themselves. Can't we all just agree to use proper manners when finding sitters? There are enough community listserves, bulletin boards and cragislist ads for every parent out there to find the sitter they need.

I'm just really tired of locating the sitter, screening them, training them, getting my kids used to them, and then losing them to sitter stealers. **Find your own sitters the legit way, people, it's not that hard** I mean really, sure it's easier to copy someone's homework than to do it yourself, but do we teach our kids to do that too? DO we stand at the top of the skiball ramp and just drop the ball in the 500 hole because our lives are just so hard? Have a heart and stop making the lives of parents even harder.